Who seems to be unreasonable and greedy? Looking for unbiased opinions and perspectives.

[SequinTheDay]

Indian family of 4 sons; father passed away leaving a will (registered and valid) splitting inheritance equally (25% each). Family migrated to the UK when kids were young.

• 1st son: Rebellious, estranged from parents for years, had a love marriage parents didn’t support. Claims to have signed a document 4 decades ago renouncing inheritance (no copy exists). Wants his 25%, plans to pass it to his kids.
• 2nd son: No contact with parents, divorced twice, parents still cared and loved him.
• 3rd son: Family favourite, expected to inherit everything or at least exclude eldest brother. Divorced once, remarried recently.
• 4th son: Follows 3rd son’s lead, divorced once, remarried recently.

Conflict: Eldest son’s brothers call him greedy/selfish for claiming his 25%. They thought inheritance would exclude him due to that old signed paper. Eldest wants to keep his share for his kids, not sell.

Question: Is the eldest son selfish for wanting the 25% left to him in the will?

YABU: Yes
YANBU: No

Not in the slightest. He is entitled to the amount.
Oh I bet 3rd son is fuming.

The challenge is estrangement and denouncing is irrelevant because this was never done legally. It was just "said". He signed a document, but this wasn't notarised.

The only thing that is legal and stands is that will. That will states out what each son gets along with first sons wife name. 25% each.

The FIL should have sat everyone down and explained his wishes were to share everything equally. He didn't tell anyone, it only came out when the will was read.

Yup, he was fuming when the will was read because he expected to get everything.

On the will it states clearly each son and what they're entitled to. Plus, it has the eldest son wife name on it too.

He never told anyone about this will and his intentions. It only transpired after he died. The eldest son doesn't want to sell anything or profit from it, just give it to his kids and keep it in his family.

The 3rd son is pissed because he wants to give equal share to his daughters too and son, he believes daughters have no right to inheritance.

I doubt it would've made any difference, they probably would've just changed his mind or forged the will! 🤣

LOL fair enough! The 3rd son is pissed because the eldest son wants to give equal share to his daughters and son, he believes daughters have no right to inheritance. Sorry if this is a drip feed! Not sure if it is or not.

I think all the rest of the info is noise and irrelevant and you're not really thinking of it from that cultural perspective which is very different. So really all you can do is see what happens next and probably not get too caught up in the drama

Fair enough!

It’s his to keep or transfer to his children as he wishes. The brothers should accept it and stop being so greedy and aggressive and back off.

I think his brothers should back off, respect the will, and just try to get over it. You sound like a pretty dysfunctional family, and making a decision to stop fighting with each other will probably help everyone.

It sounds like the first son is being held to higher standards than his younger brothers. They didn't approve of his marriage yet the golden child is divorced.

The older brother has a right to his share and to do with it as he sees fit. Sounds like he needs to ignore his brothers - I suspect they won't be happy whatever he does so he may as well please himself.

4 sons left 25% each. What they do with their 25% is upto them. If eldest son wants to keep his, give his back, give it to his kids or give it to charity it’s up to him.
The dad wanted them to have 25% each sons 2,3,4 need to respect that. It’s not grabby of son 1 to keep it, it is grabby of 2,3,4 to expect it.

Why is your husband taking the calls? Does he not understand how to use the block function, or cut off a call?

3rd son is a tosser and if I were his dad I’d have written him out of the will and given a share direct to any daughters he had. Eldest son should block (or record and send to police if they might listen) or say if you were a better son and looked after your mum this might not have happened. My share is going to my children. And I’d make sure that happens.

2 3 & 4 all sound pretty horrible people.

The family can protest all they like, but tough. He needs to keep them all blocked. He has every right to pass his inheritance onto his children.

He needs to stop picking up the phone.

If he hasn't sorted out his will already, he needs to.

Then refuse to engage whenever the topic comes up.

By continuing to get involved it's as if he also enjoys the drama.

Two sons estranged from the family, 3 sons divorced, everyone at each others throat. It very much appears that the family were/are dysfunctional with a capital D and the parents probably have a lot to answer for. Hopefully the eldest will have enough sense to stop answering the phone to anyone and do what he wants to with his inheritance.

Op, you need to just let them all get on with it.

Surely if the dad didn't want eldest to inherit he would have written his will to reflect that? He had 40 years to do so.

DS3 sounds like a real dickhead.

The most straightforward thing to do is follow the will.

Was the will written pre or post DS1 'disinheriting' himself? If after, DS3 literally doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Why does DS3 think daughter's shouldn't inherit? Is he a misogynist as well or is it just his nieces not his nephews he has an issue with?

I don't know why you bother asking. You have a position, think it's right and aren't changing it, regardless of whether YABU, so this is an exercise in futility.

@SequinTheDay it sounds to me like the parents caused the estrangement with the eldest son due to him marrying someone he loved, rather than who they chose/approved of. However, in the intervening years the other 3 sons have married and then divorced, whereas the eldest son’s marriage has endured. I suspect the father regretted his decision and made amends through the will be recognising the relationship and mentioning both the son and daughter in law in his will.

The elder son should ignore his brothers and reflect upon the message his father has delivered through the will; he is effectively recognising the harm caused, his role in the estrangement and apologising to his son, daughter in law and by extension, his grandchildren.

Split it 4 ways, as stated in the document. Don't squabble with family over unearned income. They are all his sons. They all inherit. 1st son is honouring his plan not to inherit directly but wants his children to benefit from the family estate. Who wouldn't?

4 sons. 25% each. Problem solved.

His father wanted him to have a share despite him relinquishing any right in a likely unenforceable, coerced document so tough. He then also has a right to do a deed of variation and pass it on to his children. Doesn't matter what the others want, why should he care? Let the golden boy throw his tantrum.

In that case I'd leave it 50/50 to my daughters and my son an equal amount from my own estate just to piss him off!

You are obviously wife of the 1st son. Your DH is already estranged from his original family; I don’t understand why he’s giving headspace to any of his brothers’ diatribe. Any time they ring I’d just not answer if I saw it was them calling, or put it down as soon as I heard their vice if they called from an unknown number.

Disconnect from them and enjoy the land your FIL left you in peace, as your DC’s should also be free to enjoy their inheritance.

*their voice