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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who seems to be unreasonable and greedy? Looking for unbiased opinions and perspectives.

161 replies

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 00:01

Indian family of 4 sons; father passed away leaving a will (registered and valid) splitting inheritance equally (25% each). Family migrated to the UK when kids were young.

  • 1st son: Rebellious, estranged from parents for years, had a love marriage parents didn’t support. Claims to have signed a document 4 decades ago renouncing inheritance (no copy exists). Wants his 25%, plans to pass it to his kids.
  • 2nd son: No contact with parents, divorced twice, parents still cared and loved him.
  • 3rd son: Family favourite, expected to inherit everything or at least exclude eldest brother. Divorced once, remarried recently.
  • 4th son: Follows 3rd son’s lead, divorced once, remarried recently.

Conflict: Eldest son’s brothers call him greedy/selfish for claiming his 25%. They thought inheritance would exclude him due to that old signed paper. Eldest wants to keep his share for his kids, not sell.

Question: Is the eldest son selfish for wanting the 25% left to him in the will?

YABU: Yes
YANBU: No

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 00:43

StrictlySequinsandStiIettos · 04/08/2025 00:38

DS3 is being greedy.
DS1 should transfer the land deeds to his children now.
Power of attorney should be his children in any case or you (if you are his wife).
End.
Low contact or no contact with the brothers trying to cut him out.
Kudos to your FIL for not playing favourites and making his wishes clear.

Honestly, it’s so bad. I’ve just told him to block them all and be done as everything’s in his name anyway and it’s all legal. Just do gift deed and be done with it.

I try to eat my dinner, with phone calls from them being angry at us and swearing!

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 00:43

StrictlySequinsandStiIettos · 04/08/2025 00:40

Good username btw! Wink Grin

Thank you ☺️ haha

OP posts:
JHound · 04/08/2025 00:54

What renounced inheritance? Who is making that claim?

The father wanted it split 4 ways. His wishes should be followed.

The End.

(I also don’t see the relevance of them being Indian or the divorces.)

Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 00:56

JHound · 04/08/2025 00:54

What renounced inheritance? Who is making that claim?

The father wanted it split 4 ways. His wishes should be followed.

The End.

(I also don’t see the relevance of them being Indian or the divorces.)

Edited

The eldest son renounced inheritance around 40 years ago, he was in his early 20’s. He’s in his 60’s now. However, the father didn’t legalise this or make it notarised with the government and relevant authorities. This document can’t be found. The eldest son has admitted to signing this and been honest.

However, the problem is on the will it states a 4 way split with each son receiving 25% of the estate. This document is legal and has been notarised, it’s been recognised as valid by the local authorities.

OP posts:
JHound · 04/08/2025 00:58

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 00:18

It's not a long process because the land is already in his name, the will has been recognised and its valid.

What he is doing gift deed power attorney to his kids. His brothers want to stop this from happening. Hence, the swearing and shouting.

Show quote history

So what if they are swearing and shouting?

When did adults stop being able to ignore people?

Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 00:58

JHound · 04/08/2025 00:54

What renounced inheritance? Who is making that claim?

The father wanted it split 4 ways. His wishes should be followed.

The End.

(I also don’t see the relevance of them being Indian or the divorces.)

Edited

Sorry just seen your edit:

I wrote marital and relationship status, because the eldest wife has been in the picture a while and she had some land in her name. They're mad at this because she's an "outsider" and just married into this family. She has no rights to it. However, their Dad left her land. The ethnicity because love marriage wasn’t as accepted then, as they are now.

The 3rd and 4th son marriages are very recent, so their names aren't on the will. 2nd son is divorced, so his wife name naturally wouldn't be on it.

So in conclusion, they’re mad the eldest son and his wife name are on the will.

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:00

JHound · 04/08/2025 00:58

So what if they are swearing and shouting?

When did adults stop being able to ignore people?

Show quote history

It’s such a distressing situation because his Mum agrees with the 3rd son. She thinks he should have 100% of the estate. She doesn’t agree with the will either. But, everything was in her husbands name and not hers. So his to give.

OP posts:
JHound · 04/08/2025 01:00

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 00:56

The eldest son renounced inheritance around 40 years ago, he was in his early 20’s. He’s in his 60’s now. However, the father didn’t legalise this or make it notarised with the government and relevant authorities. This document can’t be found. The eldest son has admitted to signing this and been honest.

However, the problem is on the will it states a 4 way split with each son receiving 25% of the estate. This document is legal and has been notarised, it’s been recognised as valid by the local authorities.

Show quote history

There is no problem. The only problem is the eldest son and his wife making a big deal of a non issue.

Just block them and move on.

Their ethnicity and marriages are really irrelevant.

JHound · 04/08/2025 01:01

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:00

It’s such a distressing situation because his Mum agrees with the 3rd son. She thinks he should have 100% of the estate. She doesn’t agree with the will either. But, everything was in her husbands name and not hers. So his to give.

Show quote history

So?

Ignore them

NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:05

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:00

It’s such a distressing situation because his Mum agrees with the 3rd son. She thinks he should have 100% of the estate. She doesn’t agree with the will either. But, everything was in her husbands name and not hers. So his to give.

Show quote history

The real person who should be getting the money is the mum. All the sons sound greedy! Who is looking after the mum? They should get the majority share imo

Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:06

JHound · 04/08/2025 01:00

There is no problem. The only problem is the eldest son and his wife making a big deal of a non issue.

Just block them and move on.

Their ethnicity and marriages are really irrelevant.

Edited
Show quote history

Fair.

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:06

JHound · 04/08/2025 01:01

So?

Ignore them

Show quote history

I agree!

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:10

It’s such a big embarrassment tbh. The will cannot be challenged unfortunately. As everything was in his name and his to give.

She used to live with 2nd son but he kicked her out, 1st and 3rd son refused to have her so the 4th one took her in. She’s been kicked out by her 3 sons multiple times.

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:10

NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:05

The real person who should be getting the money is the mum. All the sons sound greedy! Who is looking after the mum? They should get the majority share imo

Show quote history

It’s such a big embarrassment tbh. The will cannot be challenged unfortunately. As everything was in his name and his to give.

She used to live with 2nd son but he kicked her out, 1st and 3rd son refused to have her so the 4th one took her in. She’s been kicked out by her 3 sons multiple times.

OP posts:
fruitywineglass · 04/08/2025 01:10

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 00:18

It's not a long process because the land is already in his name, the will has been recognised and its valid.

What he is doing gift deed power attorney to his kids. His brothers want to stop this from happening. Hence, the swearing and shouting.

Show quote history

What is this "demand for power of attorney" you speak of?

NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:13

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:10

It’s such a big embarrassment tbh. The will cannot be challenged unfortunately. As everything was in his name and his to give.

She used to live with 2nd son but he kicked her out, 1st and 3rd son refused to have her so the 4th one took her in. She’s been kicked out by her 3 sons multiple times.

Maybe your dad can give her his share secretly so she has some independence

Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:14

Basically in India if you give power of attorney to someone, like a specific power attorney relation to a land/property. That means you’re giving someone power to manage your estate and they can do what they like. They can sell or transfer it.

The 3rd son wants specific power of attorney from the eldest son, so he can transfer his inheritance to his sons.

However, the eldest son wants to give his inheritance to his kids. He’s not profiting from it or receiving a penny, he’s passing it down.

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:14

fruitywineglass · 04/08/2025 01:10

What is this "demand for power of attorney" you speak of?

Show quote history

Basically in India if you give power of attorney to someone, like a specific power attorney relation to a land/property. That means you’re giving someone power to manage your estate and they can do what they like.

The 3rd son wants specific power of attorney from the eldest son, so he can transfer his inheritance to his sons.

However, the eldest son wants to give his inheritance to his kids. He’s not profiting from it or receiving a penny, he’s passing it down.

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:14

Idk why my posts are being posted twice, it’s so weird! Sorry!

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 04/08/2025 01:15

There isn't a right or wrong.

I can understand the brothers frustrations that their sibling made a big issue about renouncing any inheritance yet now wants the inheritance- bit disingenuous.

Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:16

NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:13

Maybe your dad can give her his share secretly so she has some independence

Show quote history

Lol, if he can’t give it to his kids - he’d rather give the money to charity than give it to her or his brothers. She’s always hated him and resented him.

He’s most distressed by the swearing and shouting he’s receiving in phone calls. She’s in the background speaking/shouting too. However, it’s his brother mainly doing the phone calls.

OP posts:
Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:17

Hankunamatata · 04/08/2025 01:15

There isn't a right or wrong.

I can understand the brothers frustrations that their sibling made a big issue about renouncing any inheritance yet now wants the inheritance- bit disingenuous.

I agree with this and can see how it would be viewed. But, there’s no need for shouting or swearing. It’s a shame all round.

OP posts:
NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:34

Hankunamatata · 04/08/2025 01:15

There isn't a right or wrong.

I can understand the brothers frustrations that their sibling made a big issue about renouncing any inheritance yet now wants the inheritance- bit disingenuous.

Totally. And I'm assuming he's the more fortunate one if they're still living there and looked after both parents. Not to mention OP says they'd rather it go to charity or tax than to them. They all sound equally petty and grabby.

Original poster
SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:38

NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:34

Totally. And I'm assuming he's the more fortunate one if they're still living there and looked after both parents. Not to mention OP says they'd rather it go to charity or tax than to them. They all sound equally petty and grabby.

Show quote history

The 3rd son never looked after his parents. Only the 2nd and 4th son did. I agree, with the petty bit and can see how it would be viewed like that.

OP posts:
NeedZzzzzssss · 04/08/2025 01:48

SequinTheDay · 04/08/2025 01:38

The 3rd son never looked after his parents. Only the 2nd and 4th son did. I agree, with the petty bit and can see how it would be viewed like that.

Show quote history

Sadly inheritance (or money) tends to being out the worst in people and that's when siblings care about each other, so this is bound to be difficult. If there's a will though then it might be straightforward. But if he's been absent as well as denouncing the will this complicates everything on top of doing something in another country with different rules and views about these kinds of things