To make my 15yo pay me back for a phone she broke out of anger?

[LexGold]

DD15 smashed her phone last night in a temper. We’d had an argument (nothing massive, just the usual teenage attitude over being asked to come off TikTok and help with dinner) and she stormed off, then chucked her phone at her bedroom wall. It’s completely knackered now.

She’s now begging for a new one before school starts, says she “needs” it to stay in touch with friends. I’ve told her she can buy a new one herself using her savings, birthday money and wages from her Saturday job.

She’s not exactly thrilled. Says I’m being unfair and that none of her friends’ parents would make them do this. Apparently I’m the only one who’s “making their child suffer” (her words).

I told her if she’d dropped it by accident I wouldn’t expect her to pay for it, but she made the choice to throw it. I didn’t shout, I just said this is what happens when you destroy something valuable out of anger. Actions have consequences.

She’s now stomping around saying she’ll be “cut off from the world” and it’s “social isolation” (🙄).

AIBU for sticking to my guns on this? Or should I just give in and replace it for her?

You are doing exactly the right thing. My rules are, if it’s a genuine accident I’ll replace it (when I have the money) but if it’s done on purpose/in a rage, then you have to replace it.

Absolutely don’t give in!! She’s old enough to know not to do things like this and learn the consequences if she does

Stick to your guns!! (If you can) she needs to learn to take responsibility for her actions. Good luck!

You are 💯 right. Maybe she can save to buy a cheap second hand one. She will look after the next phone

You're acting completely correctly.

DD needs to learn that actions have consequences.

YANBU. I might suggest she tries taking it to one of those places that does repairs and see if they think it's worth replacing the screen, which might cost less. But ultimately her responsibility to replace it.

Beautiful lesson in actions having consequences I'd think. Don't doubt yourself. I wouldn't even be discussing it any further with her.

My DC did this, bent it in half and telling me he dropped it!

We had a very old brick that he had a as a temporary replacement - he’s been far more careful with the one he brought.

Plenty of second hand ones - but yes she can pay for it.

Not a chance I would pay one penny towards it.
Thats a bratty thing to do.
She needs to learn the consequences of her actions.

My daughter wrecked her £250 phone.

We bought her a cheap £70 Motorola (still a smart phone) as needed to be able to stay in contact as we travel for work. But didn't give her any pocket money until the phone cost was paid off.

Lesson learned, and she still uses the cheap phone.

100% agree. I have the same rules for my younger children too.

I’d supply a cheapo brick phone from the beginning of the term for basic communication if she didn’t have the funds to buy herself a new one (or didn’t want to use her own money) Smartphones are £££; like f*ck would I be replacing one a teenager broke in anger!

Stick to your guns. She needs to learn the value of things. If she has to pay for it herself you can be sure she wont throw if off the wall again.

Totally the right thing to do. If she didn't have the opportunity to make the money to get a new one I might go as far as finding some things she could do to earn it, but it sounds like she can afford it so she can pay for it.

This is a lesson she will remember and hopefully learn from. Ive done the same with my then 9 Yr old when he broke something in a temper and he remembers

Of course you don’t buy her a new smartphone.

If she’s worried about her safety you can buy her a £20 brick one to make calls and texts to you.

But why would you buy her a phone when she thinks breaking them because she’s asked to come off tik tok is acceptable? At least with no smartphone you’ve eradicated that problem too 🤗

“She’s now stomping around saying she’ll be “cut off from the world” and it’s “social isolation”

And whose fault is that? World’s tiniest violin playing here. Actions have consequences, who knew? Not a chance I’d be paying a single penny towards a new one.

I’d buy her a bright red brick and let her use that.

Absolutely stick to your guns. As a pp pointed out, she’s solved your TikTok issue too - so for you, where’s the incentive to replace?

The “all my friends” / “you’re the only parent” line gets pulled out of the bag a lot, doesn’t it? I remember doing it to zero effect myself.

So you’re supposed to believe that you’re the only parent who doesn’t immediately replace a phone when your child throws it against a wall? 😂

They all say other parents blah blah blah. It’s just manipulation.

I'd recommend a second-hand Nokia.

You’re doing exactly the right thing.

First off is it under any form of guarantee? Not to say her behaviour at throwing it doesn’t need to be addressed but DD has an awful scatterbrained habit of dropping her phone and the one time it broke it was fixed for her under guarantee (we go through many a screen protector as well!)

Tell her if she's a child she doesn't need a phone.

If she's not a child then she should be grown up enough to know that if you smash your phone up the wall, that's on you and you have to replace it.

Yup.
You can give her options
You buy the cheapest ugliest brick phone for her
Or she buys the one she wants

And talk about options when you mad...go for a walk or a run . Hit a pillow. Scream outside.