To make my 15yo pay me back for a phone she broke out of anger?

[LexGold]

DD15 smashed her phone last night in a temper. We’d had an argument (nothing massive, just the usual teenage attitude over being asked to come off TikTok and help with dinner) and she stormed off, then chucked her phone at her bedroom wall. It’s completely knackered now.

She’s now begging for a new one before school starts, says she “needs” it to stay in touch with friends. I’ve told her she can buy a new one herself using her savings, birthday money and wages from her Saturday job.

She’s not exactly thrilled. Says I’m being unfair and that none of her friends’ parents would make them do this. Apparently I’m the only one who’s “making their child suffer” (her words).

I told her if she’d dropped it by accident I wouldn’t expect her to pay for it, but she made the choice to throw it. I didn’t shout, I just said this is what happens when you destroy something valuable out of anger. Actions have consequences.

She’s now stomping around saying she’ll be “cut off from the world” and it’s “social isolation” (🙄).

AIBU for sticking to my guns on this? Or should I just give in and replace it for her?

She's a 15-year-old girl. I'd buy her a brick for safety purposes, so she can call you and/or the police in an emergency.

You don't have to replace the smartphone, but you do have to get her something that can be used to call for help.

You are doing the right thing. Natural consequence for throwing it

I dropped a Nokia ?8210 in the beaver enclosure pond about 25 years ago (at a petting zoo, don't have a beaver pool at home). Kids laughed, worker fished it out, dried it thoroughly, still worked for about a year after.

YANBU

She needs to treat this as a lesson to find different ways of calming down.

Also, things are expensive nowadays. Maybe also a time to teach her about money, outgoings etc and that even if she had just dropped it, you may not be able to just buy her a new phone, or the phone she wants. She needs to take better care of her stuff.

Tough love it’s called. She will learn a valuable lesson.

You are correct. She will learn her actions have consequences

What state is her wall in? I’d be making her fix that too tbh.

I’d respond to every whinge with “yes it’s a shame you smashed your phone up isn’t it? If only you hadn’t, you’d still have a phone”.

Saved me typing something similar. I can't believe that she's complaining that you've cut her off socially, when it's HER action that caused her to be "socially isolated"!

I really hope that you point that out every single time.

@LexGold

This! ⬆️ You've made your decision & told her. End of discussion. Ignore the emotional blackmail & temper tantrums. Doing stupid shit has consequences. That's how life works.

You are doing exactly the right thing… please, please, please stick to your guns.

Actions have consequences, she’s learning a very important life lesson.