To make my 15yo pay me back for a phone she broke out of anger?

[LexGold]

DD15 smashed her phone last night in a temper. We’d had an argument (nothing massive, just the usual teenage attitude over being asked to come off TikTok and help with dinner) and she stormed off, then chucked her phone at her bedroom wall. It’s completely knackered now.

She’s now begging for a new one before school starts, says she “needs” it to stay in touch with friends. I’ve told her she can buy a new one herself using her savings, birthday money and wages from her Saturday job.

She’s not exactly thrilled. Says I’m being unfair and that none of her friends’ parents would make them do this. Apparently I’m the only one who’s “making their child suffer” (her words).

I told her if she’d dropped it by accident I wouldn’t expect her to pay for it, but she made the choice to throw it. I didn’t shout, I just said this is what happens when you destroy something valuable out of anger. Actions have consequences.

She’s now stomping around saying she’ll be “cut off from the world” and it’s “social isolation” (🙄).

AIBU for sticking to my guns on this? Or should I just give in and replace it for her?

Please stick to your guns on this.

First post nailed it.

Mine only get one phone and pay for new ones themselves however they get broken. There is no budget for tantrums.

Stick with it. She can be angry but she chose to launch her phone at a wall. She now has zero remorse and expects you to get her a new phone.

Our job as parents is to teach them resilience and how to be functioning humans. My children know the worth of things (they also know I’m too poor to get stuff again if they break it 😂)

Actions have consequences. This is a valuable lesson she'll learn. It'll also teach her to take care of her belongings. Don't back down op!

She can figure out her mess. You are not being unreasonable

You'd been doing her a massive disservice if you replaced it. Massive.

You're doing absolutely the right thing👍🏻

I salute you, OP. And you’re on 100% in your favour so far.

It’s been less than 24hrs. Time she learnt actions have consequences and if you break something you have to wait for it to be fixed or replaced. And that costs money so isn’t always quick. She’s lucky she has some savings.

Honestly set this mindset and boundary now. I’ve worked with children who break things and 99% of the time their parents replaced it immediately too scared of the reaction if they didn’t. As young adults they never understood the consequences cos their parents always fixed it and let the behaviour or anger issue slide.

We all have anger and overwhelm. Gotta learn how to place it and teens and young adults need that support to find the way to manage it.

My dc did this and the phone didn’t get replaced.

two positive things came out of it. Firstly, she realised that actions have consequences. Secondly, life is better without a smartphone. It turns out the real world is more inviting when you’re not glued to a small rectangle of silicon, glass and metal.

The fact that you're canvassing opinion on whether you should give in a replace her phone for her gives context for her extraordinary level of entitlement. In what universe would it be appropriate for you to replace the phone she smashed in temper? What would that teach her? Do you normally give in to this kind of thing?

Nope. Not at all unreasonable. Stick to your guns op

DS’s whinges escalate until he gets a reaction! I appreciate other children may just be chuntering to themselves, he is definitely looking for a sympathetic response/me to jump in and fix the problem.

Telling him that it’s his own fault and I’m not sympathetic is honestly the quickest way to move him into a new topic, otherwise he just repeats himself again, with increasingly dramatic sighs, until I reply. Yes it is annoying and I hope he will grow out of it, but DH is very similar sadly so I don’t hold out much hope 🤣

Make her pay for the phone and its usage.

Try not to doubt yourself-you are teaching her a valuable lesson which will make her a better person in the long run. She deliberately broke an expensive item, she needs to replace it.

If she wants to act like a baby she can be treated like a baby. Babies don't need new phones.

Give her the option: You buy her the cheapest piece of shit phone you can possibly find, or she pays for the one she wants herself.

You are right to make her pay for a replacement but would consider offering her interest free credit to be taken out of her pocket money before she gets it. As an adult I could get a new phone on contract, credit card etc but a child can't do this. Up to you to decide how much to lend and for how long.

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. Have a temper tantrum, pay the price. That’s growing up for you.

She clearly has enough money in the bank to buy a new one, too. That will teach her the value of earned/ gifted income too: when it is only used for fripperies it doesn’t have that much value. When you have to make a conscious choice to spend it on things you need, the money dynamic changes (even if it is actually a want rather than a need, which this is!)

DD can pick up a second hand one fairly cheaply from EBay until she can save up for a newer one. At least if she has to sort herself, the memory of what she’ll done hopefully will be a lesson that lasts longer with her.

You can't replace something that she deliberately destroyed. If it was so important to her, she shouldn't have chosen to wreck it

Why? As an adult she wouldn’t smash her phone having a tantrum. Doing this will teach her nothing, she should go without until she has the money to replace it: she might think twice next time

A teenage brain is still developing including impulse control and predicting consequences. She will still be paying for a replacement phone but could be use this as financial education. Only a suggestion and only after a cooling off period.

Omg of course she can’t expect you to pay to replace it! That is 100% bratty behaviour.

Stick to your guns. Short term pain for long term gain.

You are absolutely doing the right thing!! She needs to learn she can’t destroy things and you’ll just buy a new one.