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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people shouldn’t bring babies to weddings full stop?

130 replies

Gazetex · 03/08/2025 09:45

Was at a beautiful wedding yesterday, absolutely stunning venue, countryside church followed by a reception in a barn with fairy lights and all the trimmings. The bride looked incredible, everyone was emotional, proper special day.

Then literally mid vows, a baby in the second row started wailing. Not a little grizzle either, full on shrieking. It went on for ages. The vicar even paused. You could see the bride getting flustered and trying to laugh it off but honestly it completely broke the moment. The parent eventually took the baby outside but by then the damage was done.

I’m sorry but why do people think it’s fine to bring very young babies to events like this? I know childcare is hard to sort and people want to be included but surely if your baby is at the stage where they could cry for no reason at any time, a formal ceremony isn’t the place?

I genuinely don’t think I’m being unreasonable to say weddings should be child free unless the child has an actual role in the ceremony. It’s not anti child, it’s just about having some basic awareness.

It’s not a family BBQ. It’s a once in a lifetime moment for the couple.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SpanThatWorld · 03/08/2025 09:47

I invited the people i loved to my wedding.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/08/2025 09:47

Of course it's fine to bring a baby to a wedding, but if they start crying during the ceremony it's best to take them out straight away rather than waiting.

CommissarySushi · 03/08/2025 09:48

Presumably the baby was invited. They should have taken the baby out earlier though.

Every wedding I've been to has been a family event, including my own. I loved having children at my wedding.

Fountofwisdom · 03/08/2025 09:49

The only issue here is that the parent should have taken the baby outside as soon as it started crying.

Kuretake · 03/08/2025 09:49

SpanThatWorld · 03/08/2025 09:47

I invited the people i loved to my wedding.

Yes me too and that included some children and also a man in his forties who shouts amd makes random noises. The people who brought babies thought it was fine because it was fine.

SomethingDifferentBloomed · 03/08/2025 09:50

If you don’t want a baby at your wedding, don’t invite babies to your wedding. However you can’t then get all pissy if the parents of said babies don’t want to attend. Presumably this baby and its parents were invited to this wedding so a moot point anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

LemondrizzleShark · 03/08/2025 09:52

If the baby is breastfed, either baby and mum come to the wedding, or neither do. I have not gone to weddings because my three month old wasn’t invited, and that was absolutely fine with me (one wedding was one of DH’s friends, and the other was a destination wedding where it wasn’t practical). Weddings aren’t a lot of fun immediately post-partum, more of a chore.

If this guest was in the second row, presumably they were pretty close to the bride and she wanted them there. Nobody forced the bride and groom to invite the mum.

Allswellthatendswelll · 03/08/2025 09:53

It's hard to leave a small baby, especially if breastfed. I think if you want the parents you get the baby. I'd expect them to be taken out really soon if they cried. In fact the vicar at a wedding I went to recently said something along the lines of "this is an important ceremony so if little ones are making a noise please take them out". DH or I always took DS straight out if he was unsettled.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 03/08/2025 09:54

I had a 3 month old, EBF bottle refuser. Wedding 5 hours from home. Was my sisters wedding. DHs parents lived several hours other direction, all my family at the wedding.

Was I supposed to miss my sisters wedding just in case the baby cried despite the fact she specifically invited the baby as she wanted them there?

Emmacb82 · 03/08/2025 09:54

Of course babies can be included in weddings, presumably they were invited in the first place. Shame on the parents to not sit near the back and be able to leave swiftly when crying, also perhaps the vicar could have suggested the baby be taken outside. But other than that there’s no reason as to why they shouldn’t be included.

GRex · 03/08/2025 09:54

It's up to the bride and groom, not the guests. I had multiple spare toddlers running with me coming down the aisle and when both of us went back out we had the older kids running with us too, because they saw DS and cousins so they just joined in. Actually we had a bubble machine, so that encouraged them too! It is two of my nicest memories of the day. I would not have been out off nor out out by a baby, I like babies. Some of us see weddings as being about family and friends, not picture perfect snapshots.

grafittiartist · 03/08/2025 09:54

But all the babies at my wedding would be those belonging to my friends or my family- making them the babies, my friends or family.
Babies make noise- and they would still be very welcome at my wedding. Its a family event.
(But then I am not a fan of no children rules at weddings).

Lemniscate8 · 03/08/2025 09:55

weddings in churches are public services so anyone can come. Churches without babies are empty and sterile

Helpmeplease2025 · 03/08/2025 09:56

If you take a baby to a wedding, you should sit on the end, and it should be taken out the second it starts to cry. No trying to settle the baby during the ceremony, or the speeches etc. You take it out.

CauliflowerCheese00 · 03/08/2025 09:58

I got married last weekend - we welcomed children and loved having them there! Really made the day for lots of guests watching how much fun the kids were having.

However, we do also have friends and family who were sensible enough to take their babies and kids off for a walk if they were unsettled during the ceremony and speeches, rather than leave them unhappy and disturbing everyone.
The issue is parents not using common sense, not that there are babies and children there to start with.

ReligiousEel · 03/08/2025 09:58

Totally a matter for the bride and groom.

We had a one month old at ours, because otherwise the mum wouldn’t have been able to attend. She was no trouble at all and even she had been, babies cry - that’s life.

TravelPanic · 03/08/2025 09:59

This is on the baby’s parents. I took a 4 month old to a wedding and sat at the back, not even on the main seating, separate from my husband (it was his close friend’s wedding). I was ready to stand up and leave immediately if baby made even a murmur. For the speeches she was luckily sleeping in the buggy but again I stood near buggy so I could just wheel it out immediately if needed.

ConflictofInterest · 03/08/2025 10:00

But a wedding isn't just a special moment for the bride and groom to show off at the front, it's for their lifelong legally binding promises and commitment to each to be witnessed by their respective families and their community. Allowing children allows the whole family to attend, granny or the breastfeeding mothers don't have to miss it, and it means you've made a promise in front of children who will grow up and look up to you keeping those vows and in turn may make the same vows and invite you to witness their promises too. It glues communities together and holds them accountable to each other.

ShesTheAlbatross · 03/08/2025 10:01

They should have taken the baby out straight away, but what do you mean “why do people think it’s fine to bring very young babies?” If the baby is invited then of course it’s fine to take them. If the baby isn’t invited, then it isn’t.

spoonbillstretford · 03/08/2025 10:01

YABVU. But I was always ready to take a crying baby outside.

HarrietBond · 03/08/2025 10:02

I would have laughed. There were loads of kids and babies at our wedding and a bit of noise is fine.

ApolloandDaphne · 03/08/2025 10:02

A baby at our wedding cried and it didn't bother us one bit. The mum breast fed her in the church pew to calm her down. It was all fine and we loved having lots of children to share our wedding day. How do children ever get to understand how to behave in these situations if they are never taken to any?

curious79 · 03/08/2025 10:04

It’s up to the people who are holding the wedding isn’t it? And then if people who have a baby don’t then come, they shouldn’t be surprised.

At both my weddings, I have always said children and babies are welcome. Both weddings for various reasons involved travel for some people and I would rather have some crying in a ceremony - and children crying or being noisy is just a normal part of human life - than not to have some of my dearest friends there

CyanDreamer · 03/08/2025 10:08

That's why people have child-free weddings unfortunately.

Normal parents take the baby out as soon as they make a noise, but you only need one entitled CF to ruin it for everybody.

why do people think it’s fine to bring very young babies to events like this?
because why wouldn't you? I had no reason to leave my babies without me, but i was also making sure you wouldn't notice they were there! I sat with easy and quick access to the exit for a start, you don't plonk yourself at the front in the middle when you have a baby or a young child.

AnSolas · 03/08/2025 10:08

Gazetex · 03/08/2025 09:45

Was at a beautiful wedding yesterday, absolutely stunning venue, countryside church followed by a reception in a barn with fairy lights and all the trimmings. The bride looked incredible, everyone was emotional, proper special day.

Then literally mid vows, a baby in the second row started wailing. Not a little grizzle either, full on shrieking. It went on for ages. The vicar even paused. You could see the bride getting flustered and trying to laugh it off but honestly it completely broke the moment. The parent eventually took the baby outside but by then the damage was done.

I’m sorry but why do people think it’s fine to bring very young babies to events like this? I know childcare is hard to sort and people want to be included but surely if your baby is at the stage where they could cry for no reason at any time, a formal ceremony isn’t the place?

I genuinely don’t think I’m being unreasonable to say weddings should be child free unless the child has an actual role in the ceremony. It’s not anti child, it’s just about having some basic awareness.

It’s not a family BBQ. It’s a once in a lifetime moment for the couple.

AIBU?

Its a promise before their community to become a family.

The event nature of the first day of a lifetime makes people forget that bit.

And that leads to the current custom of freaking out and spending a fortune on an Event rather than a celebration where the members of the wider family welcome their new member.