To think people shouldn’t bring babies to weddings full stop?

[Gazetex]

Was at a beautiful wedding yesterday, absolutely stunning venue, countryside church followed by a reception in a barn with fairy lights and all the trimmings. The bride looked incredible, everyone was emotional, proper special day.

Then literally mid vows, a baby in the second row started wailing. Not a little grizzle either, full on shrieking. It went on for ages. The vicar even paused. You could see the bride getting flustered and trying to laugh it off but honestly it completely broke the moment. The parent eventually took the baby outside but by then the damage was done.

I’m sorry but why do people think it’s fine to bring very young babies to events like this? I know childcare is hard to sort and people want to be included but surely if your baby is at the stage where they could cry for no reason at any time, a formal ceremony isn’t the place?

I genuinely don’t think I’m being unreasonable to say weddings should be child free unless the child has an actual role in the ceremony. It’s not anti child, it’s just about having some basic awareness.

It’s not a family BBQ. It’s a once in a lifetime moment for the couple.

AIBU?

YABU. It's not for you to decide who should attend other people's weddings. I would want everyone I love at my wedding and that would include babies or children.

This.
and again, this.
Keep reading until you actually understand what a wedding is supposed to be.

If you just want a grand event, host a ball!

OP, I'm sure that for their next event, the bride and groom will be sure to consult you for your opinion! Different strokes for different folks and all that.

The baby wasn't at fault here. Sure, their parent should have taken them out straight away but they were invited to the day just as much as you.

As for the post by someone else...
"My DM thought I shouldn’t bring my 4 month old breast fed DS to my own wedding, and sourced a childminder to have him for the day." Wow @LynetteScavo I bet that made for an interesting conversation!

I genuinely don’t think I’m unreasonable to say weddings should be child free

You’re not unreasonable to say your wedding is going to be childfree. You’re unreasonable to say all wedding should be.

for most people, they are a pain in the arse, but many couple put up with them 😂

I don't know anyone who actually WANTED the kids at their wedding, but it's family, so you invite everyone and you bear them.

Babies cry, whether at home or a wedding. The issue is parents ot thinking ahead. They should sit on the end and leave when the baby starts crying.

The baby should definitely have been taken out when they started to cry.
We had similar at DDs graduation recently - three babies in the audience all crying although the parents did eventually take them out. We had one baby right behind us and they delayed taking them out, trying to calm them by shaking keys and saying shhh shhh. FGS just take them out. I tried to ignore it rather than ask them to leave as I didn’t want to completely sour the atmosphere and cause more of a disturbance than there already was! Thankfully they did leave after what felt like a long 5 mins.

Especially pretending to be an aeroplane 😂

We had children at our wedding BUT we ended up having to pause the ceremony as my husbands 1 year old niece started crying and we couldn't hear the priest or each other when trying to make our vows

People who didn't even know my SIL & BIL had already offered to take the child outside as she'd been crying on and off from the very beginning and it had got to the stage no one could hear anything. Both refused saying that they wanted her to witness the ceremony - which was now on hold

It was only after the priest requested they bring her out, that they did and they were we're obviously VERY put out by having to do so

So I can totally get why people have child free weddings

I know loads of people who wanted their nieces and nephews at their wedding (and none of these children were mine so it’s not that I think they wanted them there because they didn’t want to hurt my feelings!)

This! 100% this!

It’s for the bride and groom to determine if guests with babies can bring them to the wedding. And for the parents to remove a crying baby promptly in such circumstances.

The opinions of other guests are irrelevant.

It always amazes me how much some people want to exclude babies from society on a PARENTING website.

Weddings where all children have been deliberately excluded are weird.

What do you suggest then @Gazetex ???

That people leave them in the car? 🙄

yes you are aibu because unless its your wedding, its not your choice.

I dread to think what your thoughts are about funerals. I brought a baby and toddler to a family funeral (we sat at the back and my OH took baby out at one point) - the wife of the deceased wanted us there.

A couple of months later I brought them to my dad's funeral.

Yes you are being unreasonable!
If a couple want someone with a baby to attend their wedding then of course they should invite the baby.
I always see weddings as a coming together of two families and families include babies and children!

Weddings are never perfect. Speeches can be boring, people can get loud and drunk, the weather can be rubbish, the food can be mediocre, the seating plan can be disappointing, families can argue, jokes can fall flat, dresses can look bad, suits can be too tight and babies can cry. It is the way of weddings. None of that really matters though when you are celebrating with the people you really care about.

Depends on whose the kids are, surely? Several of my friends had their OWN kids and babies at their weddings, I am pretty sure they wanted them there… And yes DBro would definitely want DS at his wedding, maybe less keen on his wife’s second cousin’s kids, but if he felt strongly about it he could just not invite them.

The problem wasn't the baby, it was the parents. They should have sat somewhere with an easier escape route and taken the baby out as soon as it started shouting.

I took DD to a wedding when she was 4 months old. We sat near an exit but I ended up basically breast feeding her through most of it so she was as quiet as a mouse. If she'd kicked off at all one of us would have taken her straight outside.

Small babies need to be with their Mum's so not inviting babies means not inviting the Mum.

Obviously this is a choice some people make, but it's also very common not to.

In fact in our case the lovely couple (who are family) delayed the wedding from when they'd originally been thinking to when it was to avoid me either being extremely pregnant or with a very-newborn as they wanted us to attend!

I agree. For some reason weddings have now just become big expensive parties for adults.
I think w wedding without a mix of ages is very dull! For me the beat weddings are those where you might see a 90 year old dancing with a two year old!
And I would much prefer a crying baby that a mobile phone going off or drunken adults at the wedding breakfast

The last wedding we attended - a particularly lovely one - was babes-in-arms only, because of space at the venue. IIRC there were only a couple, and they caused no disturbance at all.

Obviously any baby that cries during any part of the service or speeches etc. should be taken out immediately. If there are going to be babies, this should IMO be made clear from the start.

My stepson is getting married in 5 weeks. Im not going as my autistic 7 year old would misbehave but also I have a 5 month old too so it would be a huge stress just keeping them quiet. My stepson probably thinks I don't want yo go but im doing what I think it best for everyone

Sounds more like the parents not knowing what was best at that moment in time to do- standing up and leaving to try and calm them is also quite disruptive. Personally I loved having my friends and families beautiful babies at our wedding, we did know a fair few were coming so had provisions in place to make things more comfortable though than just expecting them to be silent; they were a part of the day rather than just happened to be there. Up to the bride and groom what they want, I also do understand why some prefer child free celebrations, all of those i have been to like this haven't had the religious element (no judgement, just an observation that perhaps the priorities are different which is fine).

I not only had 3 babies, but also my Grandad who was dying of bone cancer and was delirious half the time. He shouted "help!" twice during the ceremony but also really enjoyed it and said it was the event of his lifetime. Weddings are a union in my view, a family union, involving everyone, not a scripted performance of 'perfect love'. I have never been to an adult only wedding, it seems utterly bizarre to me and everyone I know.