To think people shouldn’t bring babies to weddings full stop?

[Gazetex]

Was at a beautiful wedding yesterday, absolutely stunning venue, countryside church followed by a reception in a barn with fairy lights and all the trimmings. The bride looked incredible, everyone was emotional, proper special day.

Then literally mid vows, a baby in the second row started wailing. Not a little grizzle either, full on shrieking. It went on for ages. The vicar even paused. You could see the bride getting flustered and trying to laugh it off but honestly it completely broke the moment. The parent eventually took the baby outside but by then the damage was done.

I’m sorry but why do people think it’s fine to bring very young babies to events like this? I know childcare is hard to sort and people want to be included but surely if your baby is at the stage where they could cry for no reason at any time, a formal ceremony isn’t the place?

I genuinely don’t think I’m being unreasonable to say weddings should be child free unless the child has an actual role in the ceremony. It’s not anti child, it’s just about having some basic awareness.

It’s not a family BBQ. It’s a once in a lifetime moment for the couple.

AIBU?

We obviously all had geniuses, but what do you actually expect an under-one to "understand how to behave"?😂

I don't think they should be excluded but I do think parents should be ready to quickly and swiftly leave the ceremony if baby is inconsolable. I had baby in my arms, dummy in my other hand ready to go at a recent wedding. Same for toddlers. Ready to quickly exit if they are getting restless/not being quiet.

My best friend had loads of kids at her wedding - most of the guests had to travel and there were about 15 kids under the age of 5 (probably 60 adults plus the wedding party). She’d arranged an entertainer for them and a room with games and toys.

One toddler literally screamed through the vows. Their parents just sat there. There were a few glares but nobody asked them to take the child outside and it seemed not to occur to them. My friend and her husband didn’t seem to notice, but she said afterwards that it ruined their wedding video because the shrieks couldn’t be edited out properly. I could not believe how selfish those parents were (and had I not been a bridesmaid I’d have taken the kid out of there myself). It’s been 18 years and I’m still annoyed for her!

If the baby of someone I loved enough to be at my wedding started crying during my vows I would have laughed. My baby nephew was at my wedding and was no bother. If he had cried and they stepped outside it would be a non issue. The whole point is to have people watch you get married. If you want total silence then elope and get married with strangers?!

Honestly if this spoils the day then it’s not a great day to begin with.

I find it weird you describe the whole perfect day and then say

”Then a baby cried”

It was a tiny blip early in the day. The vicar paused to allow the parent to take the baby out. Total non issue….

I assume the bride and groom wanted the person there so invited the baby, as sometimes when mothers have young babies they can’t leave them for long due to breastfeeding etc.

Sometimes it isn't a baby who is disruptive. My nan bless her was starting to get dementia around the time I got married and wanted to have a pop at the vicar because that man was bothering me and asking me too many questions... I think most people are human and whilst a wedding is their important day. It is not the end of the world or the end of the wedding of there is a baby crying (as long as the parents quickly leave if baby is becoming inconsolable)

I do agree with this though - first hint of crying and the parent holding the child should have legged it out of there!

It is up to the parents of the babies to make sure that they are respectfuk. Sit somewhere with quick access out of the venue and if the crying goes on for more than a few seconds they should leave immediately.

There’s nothing wrong with even tiny babies at weddings - the issue is inconsiderate ignorant selfish guests. If you have a baby or toddler at a wedding you use your common sense and sit at the back, taking them out IMMEDIATELY if they make a loud noise. It’s completely inappropriate to ruin or drown out the sound of a religious ceremony by failing to put the married couple’s interests first.

The same goes for ensuring basic standards of behaviour from all children at the reception No running round the dance floor or venue yelling.

All our extended family weddings had children. of various ages present and they were never permitted to disrupt proceedings. Their attendance enhanced the experience. I have had the misfortune to attend other weddings with poor parents where this was not the case.

In the weeks after my wedding I remember a close relative apologising to me because their toddler cried during the vows. I didn't hear it. Neither did my DH. No idea if the wedding was disrupted for anyone else by the crying. But for us, it wasn't a performative moment of romance, beauty or love; it was a very special moment where my entire focus was on my husband, myself and the vicar. A brass band could have trouped through and I wouldn't have noticed

Many people want babies/children at their wedding. Especially if they’re nieces/nephews etc. A baby crying at my wedding wouldn’t bother me - an important family member being absent would.

Kids running around the dance floor should be compulsory at a wedding.

I had two very greedy breastfed babies. They never cried at inopportune moments. I took them to weddings, christenings, on flights, to an adoption ceremony and to a graduation ceremony.

If it was important that the baby didn’t cry at a particular point then I would try and schedule a nap for that point. If that didn’t work then any sign of discontent and I would feed them. The first time my son went on a flight I think he thought it was his birthday as I fed him on the way up, on the way down and mid flight!

The thing is wedding vows are very important legally and spiritually (if it is a religious service). Also for the close family and friends they might really want to hear them! So I think letting your baby cry through them or toddler kick off is actually quite disrespectful even if the bride and groom don't mind.
Obviously babies should be allowed on the day though!

You describe this as something that lasted for 20 minutes. It didn’t. Poor show from the Vicar to just pause. In most situations where I’ve seen this happen, Vicar/Celebrant has some kind of joke up their sleeve to deal with this, everyone laughs, tension breaks, and person with baby takes them out of the room.

Unless you were the bride and you had asked someone not to bring their baby but they did anyway, this is none of your concern. A crying baby for a moment of the entire day isn’t going to ruin the experience.

Maybe the bride and groom wanted a busy wedding filled with family and other people they love, including babies and children as affirmations of life, rather than an Instagram-inspired cocktail party attended by only perfectly made-up young people.

Just because you’re irritated by babies, doesn’t mean everyone is. The bride and groom invited babies so surely they weren’t fussed. It’s a wedding with normal human beings where things don’t go as planned, it’s not a polished theatre production.

YABU - My DM thought I shouldn’t bring my 4 month old breast fed DS to my own wedding, and sourced a childminder to have him for the day. Of course he came. Weddings, IMO, should be for families and friends, old and young to celebrate. But if you have a baby or toddler you sit by the door and make a quick exit during the service if necessary.

Because they've been invited you absolute lemon.

Such a shame for the couple but presumably they invited them? The parent is a sick for not taking the baby out immediately though, why in earth would you stay with a baby squalling?

This

Why don’t you let the people having the wedding decide on this and worry about it, OP? What’s it got to do with you?

When mine were babies/toddlers we sat at the back of the church with them so we could whisk them outside if they caused a disturbance at a wedding. It's what you do if you have manners but some people behave selfishly and without any thought for others.

It’s not the bringing of the baby that is the problem.. it is the parent of the baby not sitting in a seat with an easy exit route and immediately doing so as soon as the baby started fussing.

If it’s a wedding for instagram then fair enough.

If its a meaningful and real wedding then surely the couple want to celebrate with their nearest and dearest.

A wedding is a marking of a couple coming together to form a new family unit, a baby crying doesn't mean they couple aren't legally married. It's not a play - if the audience miss a couple of words they won't lose track and forget who's getting married.

Of course the parents should have brought the baby out sooner, but it's not the end of the world, a wedding isn't a top West End show, women put so much pressure on themselves to produce a perfect wedding, opinions like this just increase the pressure.