WIBU to reassure this child that my dog is friendly

[Allelbowsandtoes]

Hi,
This happened earlier today and I've been wondering about whether I was in the wrong or not.

I was walking earlier with my dog (she's s whippet and very lazy, usually either trots along beside me or sniffs things, not boisterous or anything). We were walking in a big local green space where there's always plenty of off lead dogs.

I was on a quiet, wide path in a wooded area. I came near some little girls who were with their mum. When I was about 4-5 metres away I could see one of the girls became very nervous and her mum advised her to stand back from the path and stay calm. My dog wasn't approaching her but was going to walk near her to get by so I called her back (she came immediately, we've trained recall extensively) and put her on the lead. As I was walking past I put as much space between us as possible but said to the little girl "don't worry, she's friendly " just to reassure her. Thd mum snapped at me "just because she's friendly, doesn't mean my daughter wants to say hello to her".

Tbh I was a bit pissed off, although I didn't say anything. If my dog had been greeting someone who didn't want to interact then that would have been a fair thing to say, but she was being really good.Then again, the girl was obviously scared and maybe has had bad experiences in he past?

I’m an adult and I don’t like/am nervous of dogs. I get really irritated by owners telling me their dog is friendly and then it tries to jump up. I have snapped before because I get so anxious.

I didn't realise dog owners were exempt from paying tax.
How do i get a refund?

I'm terrified of dogs, was bitten when I was around 4 by a neighbour's dog.

Personally I've been working on overcoming my fear the past few years as the kids want a dog. I'm nowhere near as bad as I used to be, I used to cry if a dog came too close or jumped on me. I'm a lot calmer now & will pet certain dogs but I am still incredibly wary when they make quick movements.

I do think when someone says they are afraid of dogs, their fear isn't respected because 'don't worry, he's friendly'.
He may be friendly but I don't want him near me.
I know so many people afraid of spiders, cats, frogs...and I respect their fear. My sil is terrified of spiders and if she sees one, screams blue murder. I just take the spider and put it outside, I don't wave it under her nose saying 'don't worry, he's friendly '.

I think it was just an interpretation OP.

My DC had a frightening experience with a dog and they became scared of dogs. We knew they and us couldn’t live like that so spent a long time (like years!) working on their confidence and now they are fine.

However, you’d be surprised I think at the number of tuts we’d get from dog owners when I’d just say a jolly ‘they are wary around dogs please can you call it back’ as though we were unreasonable.

I think if you’d caught us at a time when the fear was at its peak and said what you did I’d probably have reacted similarly. Unfairly I’d have lumped you into the tutting ‘he’s friendly brigade’ too

My son is terrified of dogs and he will literally bolt when a dog approaches him off the lead (or even on one for that matter). The places we go are always area for dogs to be on leads but this is rarely respected unfortunately so this encounter keeps happening and it’s not helping his anxiety! ANYWAY I voted YANBU. You recalled your dog and was aware and respected the child. The mum is probably just fed up of the situation and snapped. If you were in a place where dogs are to be on leads then I would change my answer!

So are children…

I think you're missing the point actually. "Out of control" doesn't mean running around causing mayhem. OP didn't immediately call her dog back, she waited until it was apparent that the child was scared. In that situation the dangerous dog act is on the side of the mother and child, despite the dog not doing anything dangerous there was a perception of threat. This means that the mother and child would have been completely on the right side of the law in anything they did to get that dog away. The law doesn't ask what the dog did to cause fear, it asks if the person perceived danger.

Unfortunately there are a lot of idiot dog owners who do nothing to learn the laws around dog ownership and control.

If the dog is properly trained it can be recalled whenever there are people around and ther is no issue. If that is a problem then the owner needs to find somewhere else to walk or hire a dog field.

Scooters aren't legal on public roads, i agree that they cause a hazard.

If you feel that there should be similar legislation to the dangerous dog act for children I suppose you will have to start a petition and write to your MP. It changes nothing about the responsibilities of dog owners and rights of the general public to not feel in danger.

Oh don't be ridiculous. People can throw balls for their dog in a public park fgs. Is it really that hard to show some awareness of one's surroundings? And one incident of a dog running up thinking it's about to have a ball thrown for it is hardly "endless hassling"

For gods sake this tiresome argument again. A dog is not the same as a child. A child is a person who has a right and need to be part of society and learn how to participate and BE a person. We need children to continue society. Dogs are unnecessary pets unless you happen to be blind or own a farm. As such, people need to remember that having them anything other than at home, or on a lead is a privilege, not a right and they do not get to interfere with the comfort of any person

Perhaps if there is another similar time, you could say I've put the dog on the lead immediately. Would you [DC] now like to approach to say hello? Well done for not just approaching a dog without permission. That allows you to demonstrate you are a responsible owner, but reflects their interest.

Because OP they don’t know your dog.

I am so sick and tired or people saying their dog is friendly, off lead and expecting everyone to be okay with this. I am a dog owner and I am so sick of people saying this. I don’t want other dogs jumping on me, coming at me, baring their teeth at my dog, getting tangled with my dog (always on lead) and the owner thinking as their dog is friendly it’s perfectly fine.

You didn't do anything wrong and handled it perfectly. I think this comment was for other owners and dogs.

No. A dog minding its own business is not dangerous or out of control. The dangerous dog act wont apply as the dog was not dangerous.

Excellent, we agree!

Children are also a privilege, not a right, and they (or any other person!) don’t have the right to interfere with the comfort of any other person.

Including responsible dog walkers, as OP was.

Because fears are not anyone else’s responsibility but your own.

I think you did all you could. She was on her lead, walking beside you, not interested in the child. You were trying to reassure the child and her mother. There was no need for her to snap at you. No doubt mother and child think all dogs are terrifying. With responsible owners they aren’t and in this instance it was perfectly obvious you are a responsible owner with a well trained dog.

Would you [DC] now like to approach to say hello?

Sorry but this is the worst thing you could say to a scared child. They will probably grow out of their fear naturally as they get bigger but if they're scared then however lovely Fido is, there isn't going to be a sudden magical moment where the scared child realizes it's all ok and that it's all down to your wonderful dog.

Just reassure the parent that the dog is on a lead and move swiftly on. The child's fear isn't a statement or judgement about you or your dog.

in this instance it was perfectly obvious you are a responsible owner with a well trained dog.

True, but the trouble is, irresponsible owners say this too. It's not nice for a 3yo to have a huge retriever bounding up towards them and it's frustrating as a parent when the owner looks on indulgently and says "he's friendly" rather than recalling.

You’re obtusely comparing the two again. In this case we are comparing the right to BE a child and exist in the world with owning a dog. It’s not a case of parents v dog owners vs the right a person has to a space over and above someone’s pet. The fact that the person is a small one is irrelevant.

Why should I restrict where I go with my dog? The woman can also just walk around her garden in peace if that’s what she wants. I pay taxes to enjoy public land with my dog. The woman without consideration walked into the space I was enjoying and I found that harassing.

If we apply your logic (I say that loosely). I’m childfree. So, because I can, I should be able to go sit in a public playground that my taxes go towards without children coming anywhere near me and in fact the kids and parents should move out of my way, as their kids are not my lifestyle choice.

Any other dumb comments… keep to yourself and save yourself the embarrassment.

A dog has a right to be a dog also.

I have no skin in this personally, but there’s just as much entitlement in dog dislikers as there is in dog owners.

This means that the mother and child would have been completely on the right side of the law in anything they did to get that dog away. The law doesn't ask what the dog did to cause fear, it asks if the person perceived danger.

Err, no. Even if the danger is assessed on a subjective basis (just as it is for assaults against the person), the reaction to the perceived danger still needs to be objectively reasonable. Funnily enough the law doesn't say that people get to do whatever they want just because they're scared...

A dog has no rights. It isn't a person.

I always say as I pass small people with my huge dog "Ned is a very gentle dog"

This is to reassure everyone.

Thank you - I felt too weary for this 🤣

eye roll for the morons

Laws exist for the treatment of dogs. Mental stimulation and exercise are part of that. They do have the right to these things, and owners are legally bound to provide them.

You don’t have to like dogs, but they do have the legal right to be in public spaces.

Dog owners have rights though. They have the right to take their dog to places that dogs are allowed.