AIBU - My husband has made a decision for me without me being involved.

[femm123]

Our joint car insurance policy is due for renewal in the next few weeks and we normally sit down and look at policies together for life, house, car etc. I noticed two payments come out of our joint account whilst I was out, so I rang him to ask what they are for as I didn't recognise the names of the companies and wanted to know incase the transactions were fraudulent. I spoke with him and he told me that instead of renewing a multi-car policy, it was cheaper by £8 a month total to take out two separate policies as they both also have lower excesses than the joint one. Wonderful, we love saving some money and lower excess for us both sounds great should we ever need to use it, however his policy is with a reputable well known company and mine is with someone I have never heard of before and I have only ever gone with companies I am familiar with (personal preference). I spoke with him last night renewal is not for a few weeks and we said we'd look together this afternoon but he has gone and sorted it himself this morning. I love the initiative however I have two issues with this. One: He has taken out a policy in my name, for my car without asking me or even including me in the decision making process. Two: When I explained that I was upset and that even though I appreciate him doing it, I had a right to choose who my car insurance is with and would have appreciated him jus sending me the options so I could choose for myself, he said I was ungrateful and rude and that because I'm on my period, I need to stop being so 'emotional' and 'have a cup of tea to calm down'. That instantly flared the feminist in me and I told him he had no right to make any decisions about any aspect of my life, without even asking me and that just because I'm on my period, that isn't the reason I am upset. I feel ridiculed, embarrassed and so small as a person after this.

AIBU - to be upset about him making a decision for me without me when we normally make decisions together?

I know it seems silly, but I truly believe, no matter how big or small, we are equals and therefore we always make decisions as a team. Worst thing is that we are going out for our 3rd wedding anniversary tonight and now I feel eughh about the whole discussion. Any thoughts would be appreciated! TYIA :)

I've never renewed an insurance policy in a couple of decades. I don't even know who I'm insured with.

I'm glad you have so little going on in your life that this is an issue for you. Count yourself lucky and stop giving the poor guy a hard time over less than nothing 🙄

Oh and although you've not heard of the company, it'll.be underwritten by one of the big companies, not that that matters either. No good deed goes unpunished, remember that the next time you want him to do something for you. Hopefully he'll say no and remind you of the exhibition you've made of yourself in this instance. No go and apologise to him.

Oh and although you've not heard of the company, it'll.be underwritten by one of the big companies,

@RoseAlone you sound like the people that claim that value brands and finest brands are made in the same biscuit factory, so they're all the same. When they clearly are not, just as in my own kitchen I can turn out basic meals or cordon bleu.

Each company will have its own arrangement with underwriters, which is why their premiums vary.

Read Which? magazine's reviews of insurance companies. There are huge differences in what percentage of claims they pay out on, what they'll cover, and their customer service.

Are you the OP’s husband?

So what are we allowed to start a thread about? And how do you know what else the OP has going on in her life?

Yup. You can also point out you did not authorise it, your husband did it without permission.

Crikey.
Now I feel bad I sorted travel insurance last week without checking with DH 🤣🤣

The period comment was a dick move, but in fairness, he probably retaliated as he thought he'd done something proactive and you shot him down.
Men are humans with feelings too and dont always communicate in a way we like. You are entitled to feel upset about the comment, but he is entitled to be annoyed you belittled him.

Dont let it spoil your anniversary, it's such a non issue in the wider picture.

If this is the only incident of him making a 'choice' for you then I wouldn't get worked up, he was just doing you a favour and saving time.

Your need to be with a 'reputable' insurance company is naive, they are all scammers who will wriggle out of paying if they can.

Yes he was a twat for the period comment but he probably thought you were being ridiculous for complaining about the insurance.

Things I would be pissed off if my dh chose without asking : What I should wear, How much I should eat, Where I should work etc. Things I wouldn't give a shit about: Who our insurance / utilities etc are with as long as it was the cheapest deal. What flavour ice cream I had if they'd run out of my first choice. What we are having for dinner if he is going shopping for it and cooking it.

Just a few observations.

My husband and I would always run decisions like this past each other. We wouldn’t necessarily do the research together but with potentially life changing decisions of insurance we’d always have at least a brief discussion around the rationale for the choice.

Posters who think insurance decisions are insignificant should keep their fingers crossed they never need to make a claim.

As far as car insurance is concerned, allowing someone else to deal with the policy will really bite you in the bum if you split with that person and you don’t know who or if you are insured with. I’ve seen plenty of people lose their licences thinking they were insured because someone else always dealt with it whether they were still in a relationship or split. Not having car insurance is an absolute offence so it’s best to have it in your control.

Yabu about the insurance. I never ask my husband about that I just find the best and do it.
Yanbu about his comment, that would be made me mad too

Can you find a cheaper price with a company you like? Have you read all the small print on your policy as ultimately you are liable for it.

Would you have been so pissed off if your policy was with the company that he has used for himself?

He sounds awful!

I handle all the admin for house, kids etc…I deal with house insurance, cars insurance, utilities suppliers, holiday bookings…married 25yrs and never asked for his input once! 😆 we’re both on the same page, get the best deal and try to get our money’s worth…and I do..so win win! He couldn’t care less and if situations were reversed, neither would I? Pick your battles, your car’s insured, you didn’t need to sort it, why exactly are you annoyed?! 🙄 so much more to be upset about in life..

This. If he hadn't done her insurance with a "cheapo never heard of" and his with a better known firm, I would have been on the side of what is the problem, but to me this stinks.

if that's the case, why did he choose the better known company for himself?

Cannot believe that people are saying you are unreasonable when he made such a vile sexist remark towards you and he took out insurance you arent happy with, without your permission! Fucking hell, its not like he ordered her a ham sandwich when she was actually thinking about getting tuna, there's actual money and consequences involved and the fact he made such a massive sexist pig comment means he thinks he knows best because he's got a penis. He's a bellend and people are like 'wow just be glad he sorted it' get your bars back off the floor for God's sake!

I would be annoyed. I want to pick my level of cover and company I use. I'd let that slide after telling him not to do it again. Especially as it looks like he may have chosen you inferior coverage.

However his disgracefully sexist reaction needs a strong comeback. What an absolute scumbag to blame your period.

Insurance quotes will differ for each person depending on their own age / the car being insured/ years of experience / penalty points / accident history / sex so presumably he did something like Go Compare and picked the cheapest one for each car. It changes all the time depending on who the underwriters are. Most big insurance companies have other smaller brands that they underwrite as well, it's all a marketing play.

So why did he not say "this is what I have found, are you ok with it?" and I do know how car insurance works.

Presumably he thought it wasn't a big deal, not sure why that's so hard for you to understand. Most people don't give insurance any more thought than does it cover what I need and is it cheap? As I said earlier, if this was part of a pattern of him trying to make all op's choices or control her then of course that would be wrong but he just did her a favour. It's a weird thing to be so upset about. He didn't adopt a child or sell their house without asking.

but she didn't want him to take that decision.

You’re falling out over a car insurance policy? Here’s a thing going forward sort it out yourself. To be honest your reaction is a bit over the top! Be grateful he did yours rather than let it lapse. You have a 14 day cooling off period find your own and cancel the one he took out for you!

I sorted out insurance for DH’s car. I went with a firm neither of us had ever heard of of. He said “thank you”. The end.

Wierdly, he sorts out the insurance on my car. I trust him and don’t question what he’s gone for.

Now, if DH suggested I was being emotional because I was on my period it wouldn’t go well. He’d be apologising before we celebrated our anniversary.

Honestly. Move on.
or cancel in the cooling off period and do it yourself.
just don’t fight about it!

are you busy? Work & children? Life will get busy & you’ll be grateful for the other doing stuff like that!

his comment about your period … just by your outrage, he’s probably not wrong. You need to assess (in 10-14 days, NOT NOW) if he was being completely condescending, or if he’s recognising something about you, because he loves you, which is something you don’t yet see in yourself!!

I didn’t fully appreciate my changes in mood (monthly) until my husband started pointing it out, about 18 months before my daughter started her period & we could see the mood cycle in her!! (& we’ve been together 20 years & he’d never voiced it before!)

instead of being immediately defensive, it might be something he’s learned to live with and appreciate before you have! …. That (even by Mumsnet standards!) doesn’t instantly make him a completely sexiest controlling arse!

maybe you just need to rationally chat it through (the cycle & reaction to things, not your flaming car insurance on repeat!)

Oh my days really?? Could not be arsed to let this sort of thing cause an arguement. Any insurance company will be regulated and the well known ones often underwrite the unknown ones! He’s saved you money, time and effort …I’d bloody love him for this!