AIBU - My husband has made a decision for me without me being involved.

[femm123]

Our joint car insurance policy is due for renewal in the next few weeks and we normally sit down and look at policies together for life, house, car etc. I noticed two payments come out of our joint account whilst I was out, so I rang him to ask what they are for as I didn't recognise the names of the companies and wanted to know incase the transactions were fraudulent. I spoke with him and he told me that instead of renewing a multi-car policy, it was cheaper by £8 a month total to take out two separate policies as they both also have lower excesses than the joint one. Wonderful, we love saving some money and lower excess for us both sounds great should we ever need to use it, however his policy is with a reputable well known company and mine is with someone I have never heard of before and I have only ever gone with companies I am familiar with (personal preference). I spoke with him last night renewal is not for a few weeks and we said we'd look together this afternoon but he has gone and sorted it himself this morning. I love the initiative however I have two issues with this. One: He has taken out a policy in my name, for my car without asking me or even including me in the decision making process. Two: When I explained that I was upset and that even though I appreciate him doing it, I had a right to choose who my car insurance is with and would have appreciated him jus sending me the options so I could choose for myself, he said I was ungrateful and rude and that because I'm on my period, I need to stop being so 'emotional' and 'have a cup of tea to calm down'. That instantly flared the feminist in me and I told him he had no right to make any decisions about any aspect of my life, without even asking me and that just because I'm on my period, that isn't the reason I am upset. I feel ridiculed, embarrassed and so small as a person after this.

AIBU - to be upset about him making a decision for me without me when we normally make decisions together?

I know it seems silly, but I truly believe, no matter how big or small, we are equals and therefore we always make decisions as a team. Worst thing is that we are going out for our 3rd wedding anniversary tonight and now I feel eughh about the whole discussion. Any thoughts would be appreciated! TYIA :)

As OP's opening post stated, they usually sort out their policies together. There wouldn't have been any conflict this year if OP's DH had done this again with OP, instead of unilaterally making a decision about her car insurance with no reference to her whatsoever.

What is the Defaqto rating for the company he’s chosen for you?

Whilst I might have been annoyed I'd have let it go as it's not important. A bit less admin for you to have to sort. Just let him know in future you like to do your own admin.

The period comment is well out of order - it's insulting, patronising and dismissive.

I'd be having a word about that - and he'd be on a warning.

The insurance - who is the actual underwriter?

Sometimes insurance companies have different brands for different products (eg. online only). So I've taken out policies with a brand I'd never heard of, because when I looked at who the actual insurer was it was a well known, reputable company.

I wouldn't happy if my OH made a decision about my car insurance without at least talking to me first. Because I'd want to know who my insurer is going to be, and whether they have a good reputation - because in the event of an accident, I'm going to be the one dealing with them.

And I wanted to add that in my family some decisions we do together, some - only one of us. There is no right and wrong approach but how to approach questions should be a joint decision.
I wouldn’t argue about it any more but I would cancel it, take another and if asked I would calmly explain what you didn’t like about the previous one avoiding any personal comments.

This 100%

In fact I would be bloody delighted if my DH had insured his car let alone mine!

His comments though are nasty and not called for!

If you.look. At the insurer they are highly likely to be underwritten by a big company you've heard of, there are only so many insurance companies

What does he use against you when you're not on your period @femm123 ?

YABU.

I think you're raging about the wrong issue. Personally I'd love someone to sort out my insurance but his comments were misogynistic, cheap and nasty.

Be wary to flare up over insurance policy doesn't feel right just be careful x

This is up there with my DH loaded the dishwasher and put the plates and saucers in the wrong order. Make a big deal out of this and you’ll get the job to do exactly as you like it in future.

Personally I would cancel the insurance he got for you and sort my son out with someone I want to go with

That's what she wanted and was expecting to do! You've missed the point entirely.

Again, she wanted to do it.

Me too, I would use the cooling-off period and insure my car with a reputable company. I notice he hasn’t insured his car with the unknown quantity.

this precisely.

I can’t believe everyone saying it’s a one person job so why is OP upset.

There are different levels of cover, and different levels of customer service (and so, so many scam insurers who don’t actually give you levels insurance).

I make sure mine (and DH’s) car insurance is provided by or backed by a well known, large insurance brand. I often skip over the cheapest for this reason. I always check with him if he’s happy with what I’ve chosen for his insurance before I commit - it’s not like we don’t speak, eat and sleep together every day, it’s an easy check.

I’d be annoyed if he decided to cheap out on my insurance, or any other important legal agreement he entered into on my behalf.

Granted it doesn’t take two people to sort, but given OP has a legal responsibility for car insurance, it does make sense to check she is happy with the policy he is taken out for her. Or leave her to sort it herself.

I sort dhs car insurance and break down cover out every year. Not really sure what the problem is with him doing it. However his response to you being upset about it was completely unreasonable!

Switching you to a different company that you didn’t get to investigate is not acceptable. It’s not just about having insurance, it’s about trusting that your insurance company does a good job when you need to make a claim. Not all companies have the same reputation for how they handle that process.

I would expect him to fix this immediately.

Not a hill I’d have died on. Simple admin job not requiring 2 people.

Cancel. I assume if he had insured your car with the insurer you’re familiar with it wouldn’t be an issue? Did you ask him how he decided who gets insured with whom (I’d assume he got the better insurer for himself and that’d piss me off)

Tell him your concerns or can't you? I spent 20 years making excuses for a voilent controlling partner now I left with two sons with mental health issues and I never repaired myself. If behaviour not acceptable finish it

Just because the op hadn’t heard of the company doesn’t mean they are some shonky backstreet outfit out to shaft her. Honestly, so much angst about car insurance.

I couldn't get worked up about this, I would be pleased not to do have to do it myself. I don't like his comment about you being on your period but if you're honest with yourself, were you overreacting? I ask because I'm really struck by your remark that you feel so small. To me that seems like an enormous overreaction to your husband sorting out some admin.