AIBU - My husband has made a decision for me without me being involved.

[femm123]

Our joint car insurance policy is due for renewal in the next few weeks and we normally sit down and look at policies together for life, house, car etc. I noticed two payments come out of our joint account whilst I was out, so I rang him to ask what they are for as I didn't recognise the names of the companies and wanted to know incase the transactions were fraudulent. I spoke with him and he told me that instead of renewing a multi-car policy, it was cheaper by £8 a month total to take out two separate policies as they both also have lower excesses than the joint one. Wonderful, we love saving some money and lower excess for us both sounds great should we ever need to use it, however his policy is with a reputable well known company and mine is with someone I have never heard of before and I have only ever gone with companies I am familiar with (personal preference). I spoke with him last night renewal is not for a few weeks and we said we'd look together this afternoon but he has gone and sorted it himself this morning. I love the initiative however I have two issues with this. One: He has taken out a policy in my name, for my car without asking me or even including me in the decision making process. Two: When I explained that I was upset and that even though I appreciate him doing it, I had a right to choose who my car insurance is with and would have appreciated him jus sending me the options so I could choose for myself, he said I was ungrateful and rude and that because I'm on my period, I need to stop being so 'emotional' and 'have a cup of tea to calm down'. That instantly flared the feminist in me and I told him he had no right to make any decisions about any aspect of my life, without even asking me and that just because I'm on my period, that isn't the reason I am upset. I feel ridiculed, embarrassed and so small as a person after this.

AIBU - to be upset about him making a decision for me without me when we normally make decisions together?

I know it seems silly, but I truly believe, no matter how big or small, we are equals and therefore we always make decisions as a team. Worst thing is that we are going out for our 3rd wedding anniversary tonight and now I feel eughh about the whole discussion. Any thoughts would be appreciated! TYIA :)

I wish somebody would do that sort of stuff for me. Couldn't care less if I've heard of the insurance company as long as the cover is what I want. They are regulated and even if you choose a well known name like the AA or Admiral, it's often done through a different company.

Unfortunately if you cancel even within the 14 day cooling off period you'd probably still have to pay a non refundable fee. Personally as long as the insurance company cover exactly what they're supposed to & their reviews are good, I'd be v happy that someone else had done it for me

I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you cancelled the policy he arranged for you and sorted out your own insurance.

OP has a preference to be involved with her own insurance... no harm in that. Each to their own.

The OP wanted to be involved in the decision about her insurance, why are people just ignoring that? He actively disregarded her. What the actual fucking fuck.

I told him he had no right to make any decisions about any aspect of my life, without even asking me

This is the ONLY part of this that matters.

Quite clear to me dh was saving the money on the old joint multi vehicle policy by downgrading her policy to a company that she’d never heard of and was cheaper

2 car policies are generally cheaper, so by switching he’d not have saved, unless he switched to a much cheaper company for one/both of them. And he choose to do that with her policy. And didn’t discuss it or ask. Interesting he didn’t choose a cheaper company she’d not heard of for a new multi car policy for his car too, isn’t it?

not all insurance companies are the same. I’m 60 plus and dealt with car, home, travel insurance over many things over the year as I’ve also had two kids insured, my exh etc. I’ve now realised it is better to stick with certain companies that rate highly for customer services. If they don’t rate highly, they add to hassle and stress of claims, or charge for ridiculous admin things like changing email address. The cheap ones aren’t proactive, take ages to resolve stuff etc I learnt a long time ago it isn’t worth the money saved. You pay for what you get.

he’s not done this kindly and to help op. He’s done it with sole intention of saving money on her policy by switching to a tin can operation she’s never heard of . Didn’t downgrade his did he?

and that fits in with the old DARVO speel of poor him, he was just trying to be helpful, period etc. he doesn’t like it when she turned round and essential said “fxxxx that for a game of soldiers”

all the folks on here about what the fuss is about, he did you a favour, insurance company doesn’t matter, are basing on their experience if they don’t care - and some of those will never had to make a claim, or have had good experiences.

But I’m with you OP, I want to know if I have accident (or breakdown for that matter, I’m same with not choosing random breakdown companies) I want to know the company answers a call quickly, in person, with uk responders to talk to (not cheap outsource offshore), who understand predicament I’m in if I’m on my own etc etc. I don’t want to interact with some twattish App droid when I’m shaken up, and wait for company to get back. and I’d be very pissed off if a partner decided unilaterally to save money by scrimping on my insurance. Then blaming me for being pissed off at his action.

i think the company it is with is important though- not all are made equal. If you are not happy call the company and say you didn’t take the insurance, cancel it and go with who you want.

you are right. for anything legal you must be involved. you need to know the terms of stuff
sounds as if he is overworked ? trying to do too much at work and that overflows to home if you see what i mean.
he is being overzealous in getting on with this but not informing you.

It was OP's insurance which her DH took out with no reference to her whatsoever and you think she sounds "slightly controlling"? 😳

All financial decisions should be discussed. My DH is happy for me to sort out house/travel insurance and utilities because I have got the time to do it and research thoroughly. I still keep him informed and ask if he wants to read through anything. He does the car insurance because he drives a lot more than me and sometimes drives for work, so it is easier if he does it. Neither of us would just go ahead and arrange something without at least a conversation.

Get off your high horse, cancel the policy if you must and make sure next year you do your own car insurance. Life is too short for this nonsense.

I don't think its a non-issue that he takes out a contract in her name without her knowledge. And what if there is an issue in the coming year and she finds out the hard way the realities of going cheap - overseas call centre, no one speaking English that you can understand, no one knowing the geography of where you are, suggesting a tow truck from 200 miles away instead of from round the corner, etc. etc. She should make her own decisions about her car. Apart from that he has given her personal details to who knows who without her knowledge. I would cancel OP - you have a cooling off period, probably 14 days.
As for his remarks when challenged - he is sexist and condescending.

Doing her own car insurance is what she was TRYING TO DO.

Next year's post: Why do I have to take on the entire mental load and life admin?

As others will have said, cancel under the 14 day cooling off period and get a more expensive policy with somebody you've heard of.

Something that never fails to bother me about Mumsnet is the amount of women who think they are the universal standard for every other woman. What YOU would give a toss about isn't relevant - this is a woman telling you SHE gives a toss and you're telling her not to. What is that?

Absolutely this. I can't believe all the women on here falling for the "I was doing you a favour" line. 🙄

He sounds dog rough and pig ignorant.
You have a cooling off period with the insurance I think, so cancel it.

If that is his normal way to speak to you I would be rethinking your marriage and certainly wouldn't dream of having children with him.

Multi vehicle policies are a con to lock you in. When separating out again it can be the case only one car gets the no claims bonus. Personally I'd always keep them separate.

Perhaps, in future, you just sort out yoyr own insurance. There will be no conflict then.

Not just falling for it, encouraging her to ignore it. A man who has unilaterally made a financial and legal commitment in her name, against her wishes, to her detriment, and then abused her for not being happy about it. I would bet a pound to a penny that he's a controlling prick as I alluded to in my first reply and am amazed that apparently there are no alarm bells ringing for anyone else.

Cover varies wildly between policies! I absolutely would not ve happy with this after realising some policies won't insure you to drive a relatives car even fully comp!

OP isn't on her "high horse". She wanted to do her own car insurance but her DH went ahead and took out a policy for her with no reference to her whatsoever. Maybe you don't mind being infantilized or disregarded - some of us do and would expect to be consulted on the decision at the very least.

I agree that who you're insured by matters - having had to make quite a few claims I probably wouldn't want to go with someone I didn't know anything about. That said, I don't know if - as long as the main policy add ons etc that I usually have are covered/included - I would be that upset if someone else did the boring job of sorting my insurance for me AND saved us money. I would be very pissed off about the period comment, though.

I think the devil is in the details. You took part in choosing before as you were having a joint insurance and you preferred to choose certain things - it’s absolutely normal. He didn’t make a favour to you this time - he changed goalposts significantly so the right way was to say that he thought it’s better to separate them and did you want him to sort out yours. You would say yes or no and it would be none event.

He also was very rude in his response.