To ask neighbour to close curtains

[Handrearedmagpie]

First of all, I know IABU. It's more a question of HOW unreasonable.
My young DS is autistic, non speaking and has a severe learning disability. Meltdowns are triggered by sudden changes like adverts on the TV. Neighbour diagonally across street from me has very large windows and an ENORMOUS TV. Never shuts her curtains/blinds so DS can watch her TV from our house and fixates on it when his own tablet is removed before bedtime.
Every. Single. Night. It's meltdown when adverts appear on her TV. Obviously I shut our own blinds but he knows her TV is there and just opens them again, or he will go upstairs and hyper focus on her TV from my bedroom window.
How horrendously unreasonable would I be to ask her to close her blinds for half an hour at night just to avoid this nightly hysteria??! I'm at my wits end with it.
YABU - absolutely unreasonable. It's your child's disability to manage.
YANBU - you can only ask and see what she says.

....yes, however while that's undoubtedly distressing for OP and the child, it's not the neighbour's responsibility. It's also not ableist to say point that out.

Do you appreciate the time and cost of reglazing a window to have a blind installed between the panes of glass? Or having shutters installed? For what is very very likely a short term fixation? (Tho the shutter idea has been noted incase it is long term).
Did you miss the posts where I said he headbutts the glass if anything is put on it (and that would be the case no matter what side of the window a film was put on)?
The eventual solution was quick, easy & free!

OP has never once said it’s the neighbours responsibility

The reason I mentioned it is because people were asking why she couldn’t put a screen on the external window

@Morgenrot25 you seem to really want to paint the OP as an entitled parent with a brat child. OP has only asked if she should make the request. She’s never once said it’s anyone’s problem but her own

Yes, I appreciate that it involves effort from you. I'm glad you have your 'solution' and won't have to impose on your poor neighbour.

Again, asking the neighbour to close her curtains at a certain time would have been making it at least partly her responsibility. Otherwise, why ask?

Well it wouldn’t because the neighbour could say no and OP said she’d accept that.

Don't be ridiculous. Close your own curtains.

God forbid we should ever hope to be supportive of each other when in need 🙄

It's absolutely fine for the op to ask nicely, without expectation of agreement. The neighbour is free to agree or not.

Asking is really not a big deal.

No, I really don't.
I actually do get how hard life with autism can be (as the person with autism or caring for the person with autism), however I also don't think it's entitled and not appropriate to expect a neighbour to change perfectly normal behaviour.

I do sympathise as a parent of a child with ASD myself. However there does need to be a tiny bit of ASD-adjusted discipline here. I fully acknowledge that every autistic child is affected to differing degrees and know a lot of people without autistic kids seem to think that they don’t need any discipline at all but they absolutely do and in some cases, even more, just in a slightly different way. He is ruling your home and you. Sounds like he knows the ads are going to come on and that he’s going to meltdown, that’s why he’s doing it.
Obviously I can only go on what you’ve said here but it sounds like it could’ve started as a form of attention seeking which then became a habit, perhaps? Or is it just my DD who forms the most unusual habits which turn into full on routines?!

Anyway, if this was my DD, the best approach would be to mention it in advance. For example, “Right later today, we’re going to try not looking at the TV over the road.” Or “Ok, here’s an idea for later, we’re going to leave the blind closed tonight. All evening. No peeking!” Then she’d go along with it, because it’s ‘our plan’
Whatever happens, OP, best of luck and lots of Gin

It's still an attempt to make her feel responsible, or potentially feel guilty/bad for saying no. The neighbour doesn't need to be involved.

If the neighbour felt guilty or responsible based on a request that would come with a “You can say no” caveat that’s on them.

Meanwhile normal people wouldn’t be fussed by this they’d just give an answer that suits them

Meanwhile in the real world, most people would feel uncomfortable saying no to something that might make a disabled child's life better, even if they know the parent was making an imposition by asking.
It's quite funny that you and others keep referring to 'normal' people, as if normal people all share your view. 🫣

Give over. Judging by the responses here most people wouldn't think twice at saying no, they'd just be shocked at the sheer nerve of the poor woman daring to ask.

I would be shocked had she asked this of me too tbh, but also wouldn't feel good about saying no - even though it's an imposition and not something I could practically commit to. Presumably anyone asking would be at the end of their tether already, and it's not nice to think of anyone being at that place.

This would be good but due to his learning disability he doesn't have the cognitive understanding of that level of vocabulary. Tonight was particularly awful and I tried every distraction technique I have.
You are right in that he does have a tendency towards controlling behaviour (I guess to help him make sense of his world, despite me giving him lots of opportunities to have ',control' where appropriate) and we went through a phase where this manifested itself as wanting control over the TV. Even if he was outside and I put it on, he would come running in to switch it off. The most effective technique for that was physically removing him from the room for a few minutes saying "mummy TV time" and after doing this a few times he "got it" for a week or so before I'd have to do it again. But he's that bit bigger now, I can't lift him & there's another window he can see that TV out of.

I suppose I just don't see the problem in doing something of so little inconvenience to me that would make a big difference to the life of a respectful neighbour . 🤷

If neighbours can be considerate enough to keep the noise down at night, the op's request is hardly a hardship. Especially as, if I remember rightly, the neighbour has 2 windows in the room and the op is only asking them to cover one for a short period of time.

It might not be much of an inconvenience to you, and that's fine, but it's already been explained why it might be an inconvenience for others, and that's also fine.

Are you implying that I have chosen the "easy" solution? Do you not understand we have found the most sensible solution? Do you think losing my parking space and trying to find parking in another street and walk a child who has to be on reins at age 8 as he is a runner with no danger awareness whilst carrying bags etc is going to be in any way easy?
Or maybe I should cancel all the therapies I take him to to cover the cost of installing new windows for the sake of a few more weeks fixation?
Can you imagine going to the cost of installing window coverings only for him to become so overwhelmed by it he head butts to his injury?
You really are rude and clueless.

And thus its also fine for those people to say no

Of course it's fine, but saying no to requests regarding a disabled person won't necessarily feel nice.

I'm not implying anything, your words are written there clearly. You think it's most sensible because it also involves the least effort - that's fair enough, most folk would want the least effort.
Again, of course I do sympathise with your situation, who wouldn't, but it isn't your neighbour's situation and there should never have even been the suggestion of getting her involved.
I do hope you have support around you (partner, family, friends).

Nope, not remotely unhappy.
Nice attempt at shutting down different opinions though.