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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t catch a butterfly and take it round M&S

418 replies

FanofLeaves · 31/07/2025 12:32

Was just picking up a few bits in M&S and there was a girl about 8 years old or so swinging one of those butterfly net thingies off her arm. On closer inspection I saw she had one in there (not the ones you send away for, although that would be bad enough, one that had obviously been procured organically)

Her mum was busy looking at something so I said to the girl ‘oh! What a pretty butterfly. That’s a large white. I except you’re going to let it go after you’ve finished your shopping, aren’t you?’

The mum came over beaming presumably ready to hear a comment about what a fun summer holiday activity this all is, and said ‘no, we’ll take it home, keep it for a few days and observe it. It flew straight into the net so we had this ready to pop it straight into!’

‘I said ‘well I’m sure it would have been preferred to be observed in nature, where it was, not caught in a net and taken round the shops. Don’t you think it’s a bit cruel?’

Anyway she was visibly annoyed, and said ‘it’s fine. My children are learning about nature! We know what it eats!’

Anyway she steered her child away from me and said some people are just very joyless and bitter.

Yeah I know I probably sound like a busy body but I can’t bear it when parents tell their kids it’s ok to just take stuff out of nature for their own amusement. Why is it ok to do this? It’s so Victorian, to capture a creature to just look at it, no thought for the poor thing at all. Don’t get me started on why they still sell butterfly nets 😭

OP posts:
SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 02/08/2025 10:22

Poor butterfly! I nannied (for all of 5 minutes!) for a family who thought it was ok for their son to collect small creatures in jam-jars, seal them in and then roll the jars around the floor. Fucking psychopathic. You want to observe a butterfly? Go and stand in a meadow.

JMSA · 02/08/2025 10:22

YANBU. I’m still a bit confused though. Did they catch it at home and bring it shopping in the net? Or bring the net shopping on the off-chance they’d catch something?
Either way, it’s cruel and seriously weird.

JMSA · 02/08/2025 10:23

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 02/08/2025 10:22

Poor butterfly! I nannied (for all of 5 minutes!) for a family who thought it was ok for their son to collect small creatures in jam-jars, seal them in and then roll the jars around the floor. Fucking psychopathic. You want to observe a butterfly? Go and stand in a meadow.

Omg 😢
I’d love to see the same done to them.

Lancrelady80 · 02/08/2025 13:31

I don't understand this bit:

"It flew straight into the net so we had this ready to pop it straight into!’

I understand a small girl possibly swinging a net around outside and a butterfly being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But it could them fly straight back out again. It's the carrying it around that throws me.

If it was accidental, as above, then how did they have something ready to "pop it straight into?" I'm presuming you mean one of those mesh basket things that come with kits where you hatch them? Who goes around with something like that just in case? Or were they were prepared because they were deliberately hunting wild butterflies...in which case, why then go into a shop?

Either way, weird!

Op, you're not wrong but it does sound like you were quite brutal in the way you approached it. You could have made your point in a more gentle, child-friendly way - "poor thing," rather than "you're being cruel." I'm not surprised the mum was visibly annoyed and steered her child away.

Original poster
FanofLeaves · 02/08/2025 14:18

I assumed they had one of those kit things that they’d used butterflies for in the past, you know the things where you send away for the larvae, but then a separate butterfly net, and they’d been to the park not far away where I know there are lots them on the buddleia and blackberry bushes etc, captured it, and then gone to the shop on the way home, with the butterfly being an unfortunate passenger.

I still don’t regret saying anything. Chances are high that the poor thing didn’t make it but at the very least there might be some thought given to it. Probably not from the mum but possibly the girl.

OP posts:
Twoshoesnewshoes · 02/08/2025 16:37

asrl78 · 01/08/2025 22:39

Not at all. There is a difference between killing for food and killing for entertainment IMO. If you are bothered about factory farming you can purchase organic or free-range meat/eggs.

What next, will anyone complaining about someone's badly behaved child be called a hypocrite if they were ever naughty in childhood?

Show quote history

Fair enough in your opinion there’s a difference between killing for food and killing for entertainment.
if we needed to kill animals to eat I would absolutely agree.
however, assuming you, like me, live in the affluent western culture, we definitely no longer need to kill animals to provide our food.
so we’re choosing to kill them for our own enjoyment- the enjoyment of eating meat.
which, I totally get, and wouldn’t criticise someone for. We all make choices that negatively impact others.
but, I wouldn’t lecture someone else on the choices they are making when my own are far from squeaky clean.

Booksandsea · 02/08/2025 17:56

gotellsomeone · 31/07/2025 12:33

Are you vegan?

Must be

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 02/08/2025 17:58

Britneyfan · 31/07/2025 12:59

Honestly I’m clearly a dissenting voice here but I feel like this was very confrontational and downright rude actually. It’s not something I’ve ever given a lot of thought to but as they do this in schools etc it hadn’t really occurred to me that it’s a problem to keep a butterfly for a few days.

I can see why you feel the way you do now I’ve thought about it more, but perhaps if you feel this strongly it would be better to raise public awareness generally online etc about why this is a bad idea, rather than confront an individual mother and child about it. They were happy and having fun and engaging in learning about nature rather than mindlessly watching TV or playing computer games etc. That child may now just remember some random woman being horrible to her and upsetting her mum (how dare she think a stranger was randomly accosting them to say something nice instead of critical for a change), for wanting to learn about butterflies, and switch off from any interest in nature in the future.

I would see it as exactly the same as someone coming over to randomly confront you about why you’re eating a sausage roll in a supermarket cafe, accusing you of cruelty to animals. If you wouldn’t want to be in that situation or would think that random person is unreasonable, then maybe you can reflect on how this situation came across from the other side.

I agree in some ways with you. My DD aged 5 often tries to catch butterflies in her bug pot to observe, then says we can keep them as pets. She loves animals though and always releases them after a few minutes of looking at them.

But I agree that putting a child off being introduced and interested in nature and biology isn't great, as I think it's important to encourage a good interest in these things.

Namechangerage · 02/08/2025 18:00

FanofLeaves · 31/07/2025 12:47

Yes, it’s very strange!

Show quote history

I agree - surely someone caring about some species over others is better than not caring about any at all. And to ask if you’re vegan - just strange when you’re actually vegetarian anyway.

SamPM · 02/08/2025 18:02

A butterfly is basically a wild creature and we need them as pollinators. I do not understand why anyone would be capturing them to "study". Grow native plants and study them in your garden where they fucking well should be. This makes me livid frankly and I would not have held back. I have noticed a dramatic decline in butterflies in my lifetime and this is NOT acceptable behaviour and this mother and child should know better. And schools.

Rosscameasdoody · 02/08/2025 18:06

Twoshoesnewshoes · 31/07/2025 12:37

I guess it’s slightly better than breeding it in captivity and unnatural conditions from birth, depriving it of freedom and comfort, then electrocuting it and eating it 🤷‍♀️

So your argument is that as long as we eat meat it’s fine to capture butterflies, prevent them from doing what they’re here to do - procreating and perpetuating the species. Making them even rarer ?

ThatHonestPeer · 02/08/2025 18:08

I'm with you. These are the same parents that probably teach their kids it's ok to hit animals and then have the audacity to be outraged if their little brat is bitten or hurt by one but don't teach them to respect other living things if it's not a human.

Mugsey62 · 02/08/2025 18:09

FanofLeaves · 31/07/2025 12:32

Was just picking up a few bits in M&S and there was a girl about 8 years old or so swinging one of those butterfly net thingies off her arm. On closer inspection I saw she had one in there (not the ones you send away for, although that would be bad enough, one that had obviously been procured organically)

Her mum was busy looking at something so I said to the girl ‘oh! What a pretty butterfly. That’s a large white. I except you’re going to let it go after you’ve finished your shopping, aren’t you?’

The mum came over beaming presumably ready to hear a comment about what a fun summer holiday activity this all is, and said ‘no, we’ll take it home, keep it for a few days and observe it. It flew straight into the net so we had this ready to pop it straight into!’

‘I said ‘well I’m sure it would have been preferred to be observed in nature, where it was, not caught in a net and taken round the shops. Don’t you think it’s a bit cruel?’

Anyway she was visibly annoyed, and said ‘it’s fine. My children are learning about nature! We know what it eats!’

Anyway she steered her child away from me and said some people are just very joyless and bitter.

Yeah I know I probably sound like a busy body but I can’t bear it when parents tell their kids it’s ok to just take stuff out of nature for their own amusement. Why is it ok to do this? It’s so Victorian, to capture a creature to just look at it, no thought for the poor thing at all. Don’t get me started on why they still sell butterfly nets 😭

Are you a vegan yourself?

HonoraryMummy · 02/08/2025 18:09

FanofLeaves · 31/07/2025 12:32

Was just picking up a few bits in M&S and there was a girl about 8 years old or so swinging one of those butterfly net thingies off her arm. On closer inspection I saw she had one in there (not the ones you send away for, although that would be bad enough, one that had obviously been procured organically)

Her mum was busy looking at something so I said to the girl ‘oh! What a pretty butterfly. That’s a large white. I except you’re going to let it go after you’ve finished your shopping, aren’t you?’

The mum came over beaming presumably ready to hear a comment about what a fun summer holiday activity this all is, and said ‘no, we’ll take it home, keep it for a few days and observe it. It flew straight into the net so we had this ready to pop it straight into!’

‘I said ‘well I’m sure it would have been preferred to be observed in nature, where it was, not caught in a net and taken round the shops. Don’t you think it’s a bit cruel?’

Anyway she was visibly annoyed, and said ‘it’s fine. My children are learning about nature! We know what it eats!’

Anyway she steered her child away from me and said some people are just very joyless and bitter.

Yeah I know I probably sound like a busy body but I can’t bear it when parents tell their kids it’s ok to just take stuff out of nature for their own amusement. Why is it ok to do this? It’s so Victorian, to capture a creature to just look at it, no thought for the poor thing at all. Don’t get me started on why they still sell butterfly nets 😭

So cruel. Does the mother want to raise a little psychopath?

SamPM · 02/08/2025 18:10

nomas · 31/07/2025 12:39

YANBU. Butterflies still make me stop and stare, it’s awful that people are capturing them.

Because they are so rare now that's why. I have just got in from gardening all morning and not seen one which is unbelievable and stupid twats like this capturing them does not help. They need to lay eggs to keep the species going and chances are it will die in captivity.

ThatHonestPeer · 02/08/2025 18:10

Spinmerightroundbaby · 01/08/2025 18:48

YABU. None of your business. I would have found it odd but wouldnt have felt the need to comment.

Show quote history

Ah, you're one of those cowards who thinks that stupid or ignorant people should go about their business uncalled out for their bulls**ttery.

Daygloboo · 02/08/2025 18:13

FanofLeaves · 31/07/2025 12:32

Was just picking up a few bits in M&S and there was a girl about 8 years old or so swinging one of those butterfly net thingies off her arm. On closer inspection I saw she had one in there (not the ones you send away for, although that would be bad enough, one that had obviously been procured organically)

Her mum was busy looking at something so I said to the girl ‘oh! What a pretty butterfly. That’s a large white. I except you’re going to let it go after you’ve finished your shopping, aren’t you?’

The mum came over beaming presumably ready to hear a comment about what a fun summer holiday activity this all is, and said ‘no, we’ll take it home, keep it for a few days and observe it. It flew straight into the net so we had this ready to pop it straight into!’

‘I said ‘well I’m sure it would have been preferred to be observed in nature, where it was, not caught in a net and taken round the shops. Don’t you think it’s a bit cruel?’

Anyway she was visibly annoyed, and said ‘it’s fine. My children are learning about nature! We know what it eats!’

Anyway she steered her child away from me and said some people are just very joyless and bitter.

Yeah I know I probably sound like a busy body but I can’t bear it when parents tell their kids it’s ok to just take stuff out of nature for their own amusement. Why is it ok to do this? It’s so Victorian, to capture a creature to just look at it, no thought for the poor thing at all. Don’t get me started on why they still sell butterfly nets 😭

I thought butterflies only lived for a day ?

prelovedusername · 02/08/2025 18:16

I agree with your thinking OP but not with your delivery. I probably would have kept my thoughts to myself. It sounded rather patronising if you spoke as you’ve described.

As for the mother, she sounds like one of those awful performative parents who got their degree (if they have one) from a poly but think their child is destined for Oxbridge. You were never going to change her mind.

SamPM · 02/08/2025 18:17

Britneyfan · 31/07/2025 12:59

Honestly I’m clearly a dissenting voice here but I feel like this was very confrontational and downright rude actually. It’s not something I’ve ever given a lot of thought to but as they do this in schools etc it hadn’t really occurred to me that it’s a problem to keep a butterfly for a few days.

I can see why you feel the way you do now I’ve thought about it more, but perhaps if you feel this strongly it would be better to raise public awareness generally online etc about why this is a bad idea, rather than confront an individual mother and child about it. They were happy and having fun and engaging in learning about nature rather than mindlessly watching TV or playing computer games etc. That child may now just remember some random woman being horrible to her and upsetting her mum (how dare she think a stranger was randomly accosting them to say something nice instead of critical for a change), for wanting to learn about butterflies, and switch off from any interest in nature in the future.

I would see it as exactly the same as someone coming over to randomly confront you about why you’re eating a sausage roll in a supermarket cafe, accusing you of cruelty to animals. If you wouldn’t want to be in that situation or would think that random person is unreasonable, then maybe you can reflect on how this situation came across from the other side.

It's very different and you know it. Butterflies are wild and endangered and vital pollinators. They need to be left in the wild to do their thing, lay eggs and pollinate. Their feeble excuse was to observe it, playing the "educational card" so go out into your garden or the park and observe it, not stick it in a jar. The mother went off in a huff because she knows op is right and she is wrong. There has been endless coverage about declining butterfly numbers so ignorance is not an excuse.

NewGoldFox · 02/08/2025 18:22

Ddakji · 31/07/2025 13:54

Well, I hate seeing crabs jammed into buckets for children’s fun, even if they are released, but I’ve never gone up to kids crabbing and lectured them about it.

Hey for the crabs it’s a fun day out and dinner 😂

MauveExpert · 02/08/2025 18:24

No you aren’t being unreasonable, I wouldn’t have liked this either. It’s cruel. I don’t think I could have stopped myself saying anything. Why shouldn’t we speak up for a poor creature who can’t defend itself.
Children need to be taught to respect nature. The trade off between slightly offending someone and watching a defenceless butterfly suffer is a pretty easy one

MoveOverToTheSea · 02/08/2025 18:28

gotellsomeone · 31/07/2025 12:40

I would find your view point hypocritical unless you were. I am and would be upset by this, not enough to say something though.

Show quote history

It would be hypocritical to think that a wild animal should live …. In the wild because someone is eating meat as an omnivorous animal???

im sorry but I’m completely lost there.

MoveOverToTheSea · 02/08/2025 18:30

I agree with your thinking OP but not with your delivery. I probably would have kept my thoughts to myself.

@prelovedusername if you agree with the thinking how would you have said things?
Because not saying anything means you’re giving tacitly giving your approval, like it is for many things.

ayepecking · 02/08/2025 18:33

gotellsomeone · 31/07/2025 12:33

Are you vegan?

What a inane question

ayepecking · 02/08/2025 18:35

gotellsomeone · 31/07/2025 12:40

I would find your view point hypocritical unless you were. I am and would be upset by this, not enough to say something though.

Show quote history

WTF are you talking about? What has being a vegan got to do with capturing a butterfly?