To think you don’t catch a butterfly and take it round M&S

[FanofLeaves]

Was just picking up a few bits in M&S and there was a girl about 8 years old or so swinging one of those butterfly net thingies off her arm. On closer inspection I saw she had one in there (not the ones you send away for, although that would be bad enough, one that had obviously been procured organically)

Her mum was busy looking at something so I said to the girl ‘oh! What a pretty butterfly. That’s a large white. I except you’re going to let it go after you’ve finished your shopping, aren’t you?’

The mum came over beaming presumably ready to hear a comment about what a fun summer holiday activity this all is, and said ‘no, we’ll take it home, keep it for a few days and observe it. It flew straight into the net so we had this ready to pop it straight into!’

‘I said ‘well I’m sure it would have been preferred to be observed in nature, where it was, not caught in a net and taken round the shops. Don’t you think it’s a bit cruel?’

Anyway she was visibly annoyed, and said ‘it’s fine. My children are learning about nature! We know what it eats!’

Anyway she steered her child away from me and said some people are just very joyless and bitter.

Yeah I know I probably sound like a busy body but I can’t bear it when parents tell their kids it’s ok to just take stuff out of nature for their own amusement. Why is it ok to do this? It’s so Victorian, to capture a creature to just look at it, no thought for the poor thing at all. Don’t get me started on why they still sell butterfly nets 😭

Will you also be petitioning the RSPCA to sack any non-vegan staff?

Thought not.

Most live about a week but some species live u h longer and hibernate over the winter.

😂

FFS who takes a butterfly in a net around M&S!

You did right to speak up, i hate animals as entertainment.

That’s sweet. I have to do it a lot with my three year old and snails, but he does have a ‘pet’ spider that moved into the corner of his bedroom.

I like the added verisimilitude within this thread of 'M&S'.
I expect nobody would have batted an eyelid in Asda, and Lidl probably stock butterfly nets in the centre aisle of shite.

Honestly I’m clearly a dissenting voice here but I feel like this was very confrontational and downright rude actually. It’s not something I’ve ever given a lot of thought to but as they do this in schools etc it hadn’t really occurred to me that it’s a problem to keep a butterfly for a few days.

I can see why you feel the way you do now I’ve thought about it more, but perhaps if you feel this strongly it would be better to raise public awareness generally online etc about why this is a bad idea, rather than confront an individual mother and child about it. They were happy and having fun and engaging in learning about nature rather than mindlessly watching TV or playing computer games etc. That child may now just remember some random woman being horrible to her and upsetting her mum (how dare she think a stranger was randomly accosting them to say something nice instead of critical for a change), for wanting to learn about butterflies, and switch off from any interest in nature in the future.

I would see it as exactly the same as someone coming over to randomly confront you about why you’re eating a sausage roll in a supermarket cafe, accusing you of cruelty to animals. If you wouldn’t want to be in that situation or would think that random person is unreasonable, then maybe you can reflect on how this situation came across from the other side.

OP you are right...not just about that particular wildlife but about teaching a child that they can't just do what they like with wildlife because they are "studying" it.

Agree with you it's cruel and I'm afraid I would have gotten myself in trouble right there and then making a whole fuss about why she should let it go.

They do do it in schools, you send off for the larvae though and then release the (hopefully) grown butterflies at the end. I don’t think that’s always great for the butterflies either to be honest but it’s far better than just snatching one up in a net while it’s going about its business and taking it around the supermarket.

I wasn’t rude, at all. Probably very much in the minority of people that would have directly said something to them, though. I don’t think 8 is too young to be approached by a ‘random woman’ over something like that, and presumably the child has interaction with adults in school. She certainly didn’t look alarmed. In fact she was skipping to the self service checkouts after, butterfly cage swinging wildly.

Glad you spoke up OP! My son adores butterflies but we watch them in nature, we would never capture one. The mother sounds like a moron!

YANBU. It was cruel and unnecessary. Butterflies are very delicate. It sounds so old-fashioned to be doing that in the 21st century. I half thought you were going to say they were taking it home to gas and stick a pin in.

Now, re the sausage roll stuff, I’ve just sent an email to the RSPCA telling them they’re dreadful hypocrites for caring about people abusing puppies and shooting protected birds of prey when they themselves have the temerity to eat sausage rolls 🙄

It's deeply bizarre and potentially a health hazard to bring insects into a supermarket. And yeah, unnecessarily cruel.

Why should you catch them? Take it home and observe it. Doing what exactly? Slowly dying. It needs to be outside to survive.

So you definitely didn't do anything wrong.

YANBU. But you're already getting comments that unless you live up to that posters exacting standards on veganism, then you shouldn't say anything.

Because it's better to sit on a high horse than move people incrementally to a position closer to your own, obviously.

I agree it's cruel, and not something I would encourage my children to do.

However, I wouldn't have said anything.
If I did I wouldn't have used an accusing tone.
I can just imagine the tone in which you said it in if that was the mum's reaction. She probably felt rubbish after.

Are you vegan?

I'm sorry but this is tedious. I'm a meat eater but I don't want any animal suffering or tormented. Leave it alone or kill it quickly for food - those are the options.

I had to explain this to my 3 year old who wants to bring in anything she finds from the garden. We had to explain as much as you can with a 3 year old that insects aren't pets, belong outdoors and that we shouldn't disturb them. At 3 I just have to intervene and explain each and every time she tries to bring something indoors to care for it. This child is 8 and it shouldn't be beyond her comprehension. It's the mother allowing it though that is the problem.

Nearly wet myself there 😂

I used to let my DCs catch the butterflies but they let them go, I would not have let them take it shopping, or indoors for that matter

Ok I get why the school situation is a bit different (plus it’s for the benefit of a whole class not just one child). Well look honestly I’m not a huge animal rights person TBH (I’ll always care a whole lot more about people), but it doesn’t mean I don’t care at all and I’d wanted to send away for a kit myself out of interest actually, have been meaning to do it for a while as both myself and my now 18 year old son love butterflies. But we recently made a plan to go to a butterfly garden and there is also a meadow close to us where there are usually loads of butterflies to find. So we can just enjoy them in those places instead (I’m hoping butterfly gardens aren’t the devil’s work now!). We’re also lucky enough to get them in our garden fairly often.

So it’s not that you don’t have a point and you’ve convinced me (which is why I’m saying maybe raise awareness online etc), that’s totally fine, but although you don’t think you were rude, I would honestly consider this rude if you’d approached me and my child like that (I absolutely wouldn’t have been swinging it round M and S I hasten to add), and it probably did take the wind out of the mum’s sails completely, it would have for me in that situation. Even more so TBH if I thought it over and realised you had a point than if I was the sort of person to be like “stupid joyless woman, I’ll do what I like”. Because then I’d be upset about the unexpected confrontation and criticism as well as upset with myself for not thinking more about it in the first place. I’m glad the child didn’t seem to take it to heart too much. You get so much unasked for criticism in daily life as a mother on all aspects of your parenting in general I just can’t help
feeling for the mum a bit!

I don’t think it’s wrong for adults to speak to children in general that’s not really the issue, but it’s speaking to them just to criticise and pick apart their lifestyle choices that seems unfair to me. I know you’re obviously not a “random woman” but you are to that child. A different sort of conversation than if this was eg her aunt speaking to her about it.

That's horrible. YANBU. I'm glad you spoke up.

Totally agree with you OP, and I would have been a good deal more blunt in what I said to the mother and child.
Also not a vegan.

😂😂😂

Your woman sounds ridiculous, I really don't understand why anyone would think it was ok to capture a butterfly and keep it never mind take it round M&S.

And I'm not a vegan.

We’re talking about butterflies I think you might be steering massively out of the way on this one!!