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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think you don’t catch a butterfly and take it round M&S

418 replies

FanofLeaves · 31/07/2025 12:32

Was just picking up a few bits in M&S and there was a girl about 8 years old or so swinging one of those butterfly net thingies off her arm. On closer inspection I saw she had one in there (not the ones you send away for, although that would be bad enough, one that had obviously been procured organically)

Her mum was busy looking at something so I said to the girl ‘oh! What a pretty butterfly. That’s a large white. I except you’re going to let it go after you’ve finished your shopping, aren’t you?’

The mum came over beaming presumably ready to hear a comment about what a fun summer holiday activity this all is, and said ‘no, we’ll take it home, keep it for a few days and observe it. It flew straight into the net so we had this ready to pop it straight into!’

‘I said ‘well I’m sure it would have been preferred to be observed in nature, where it was, not caught in a net and taken round the shops. Don’t you think it’s a bit cruel?’

Anyway she was visibly annoyed, and said ‘it’s fine. My children are learning about nature! We know what it eats!’

Anyway she steered her child away from me and said some people are just very joyless and bitter.

Yeah I know I probably sound like a busy body but I can’t bear it when parents tell their kids it’s ok to just take stuff out of nature for their own amusement. Why is it ok to do this? It’s so Victorian, to capture a creature to just look at it, no thought for the poor thing at all. Don’t get me started on why they still sell butterfly nets 😭

OP posts:
gotellsomeone · 31/07/2025 12:33

Are you vegan?

FanofLeaves · 31/07/2025 12:36

gotellsomeone · 31/07/2025 12:33

Are you vegan?

What’s that got to do with the price of fish?

OP posts:
PerfectTuesday · 31/07/2025 12:36

Don't they only live for a day or so? They might be disappointed if they are hoping to observe it.

Regardless of whether you are vegan or not, butterflies are a declining species so shouldn't be captured for that reason alone.

ThriveIn2025 · 31/07/2025 12:37

YANBU, they still do this at my kids school though, so you can kind of understand why some parents think it’s ok (the “studying them in a net” part not the “taking them around M&S” part).

Twoshoesnewshoes · 31/07/2025 12:37

I guess it’s slightly better than breeding it in captivity and unnatural conditions from birth, depriving it of freedom and comfort, then electrocuting it and eating it 🤷‍♀️

Lemniscate8 · 31/07/2025 12:37

well there are many reasonable uses for butterfly nets, and even if they were not on sale, we used to make our own with coathangers and old net curtains! It does sound a bit unnessesery, but I doubt the butterfly cares much, as long as it is freed eventually

FanofLeaves · 31/07/2025 12:37

PerfectTuesday · 31/07/2025 12:36

Don't they only live for a day or so? They might be disappointed if they are hoping to observe it.

Regardless of whether you are vegan or not, butterflies are a declining species so shouldn't be captured for that reason alone.

Longer than you might think, more like 2-6 weeks. And they have to lay eggs obviously, so if you’ve taken away their chance to do that, it’s all pointless.

OP posts:
hexagongoldbox · 31/07/2025 12:38

That’s horrible 😢

FinallyMummy · 31/07/2025 12:39

I agree with you. We’re working on enforcing a ‘bugs/birds/butterflys etc live outside but isn’t it nice to look at them’ rule here (with a 3 yo who wants to pick up everything and bring it home).
Not sure I’d have said anything though.

nomas · 31/07/2025 12:39

YANBU. Butterflies still make me stop and stare, it’s awful that people are capturing them.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 31/07/2025 12:40

gotellsomeone · 31/07/2025 12:33

Are you vegan?

Eh

gotellsomeone · 31/07/2025 12:40

FanofLeaves · 31/07/2025 12:36

What’s that got to do with the price of fish?

I would find your view point hypocritical unless you were. I am and would be upset by this, not enough to say something though.

BlankBlankBlank14 · 31/07/2025 12:41

YANBU

FanofLeaves · 31/07/2025 12:41

gotellsomeone · 31/07/2025 12:40

I would find your view point hypocritical unless you were. I am and would be upset by this, not enough to say something though.

Not being vegan doesn’t mean you are immediately excluded from caring about all life species, there would be a tiny minority of people to stand up for nature if that was the case so it would be bloody counter productive. A bit stupid really.

OP posts:
gotellsomeone · 31/07/2025 12:41

Twoshoesnewshoes · 31/07/2025 12:37

I guess it’s slightly better than breeding it in captivity and unnatural conditions from birth, depriving it of freedom and comfort, then electrocuting it and eating it 🤷‍♀️

Yes, well put

stayathomer · 31/07/2025 12:43

Glad you said it and they at least had to register it op!

MissyB1 · 31/07/2025 12:43

I would have done the same as you. That butterfly doesn't exist as entertainment for a child. I have a net to rescue them when they get trapped in my conservatory, they are immediately released outside.

nomas · 31/07/2025 12:43

gotellsomeone · 31/07/2025 12:40

I would find your view point hypocritical unless you were. I am and would be upset by this, not enough to say something though.

That’s ridiculous. Being a carnivore doesn’t give me license to go around capturing or stomping or killing wildlife and insects.

gotellsomeone · 31/07/2025 12:44

FanofLeaves · 31/07/2025 12:41

Not being vegan doesn’t mean you are immediately excluded from caring about all life species, there would be a tiny minority of people to stand up for nature if that was the case so it would be bloody counter productive. A bit stupid really.

Edited

Do you just care about the comfort and freedom of insects?
fair enough be upset by it but going over and confronting the child would be no different than someone coming over and confronting your child for eating a sausage roll.

cofffeeee · 31/07/2025 12:44

I hate seeing any animal caged up.

FanofLeaves · 31/07/2025 12:45

gotellsomeone · 31/07/2025 12:44

Do you just care about the comfort and freedom of insects?
fair enough be upset by it but going over and confronting the child would be no different than someone coming over and confronting your child for eating a sausage roll.

Ah, vegan logic. It really does hold a special place.

Im not vegan, vegetarian not that it’s relevant, but no I’m not immediately disallowed from speaking up just because I’ve not eliminated all animal products. Ironically, even though you’re the superior vegan, you admit you wouldn’t have said anything. So that’s interesting.

OP posts:
CarrotyO · 31/07/2025 12:46

Weird that there is a vegan on this thread arguing AGAINST the protection of wildlife

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 31/07/2025 12:46

My 7yr old came in 2 days ago with a ladybird on her hand, if stayed on her arm for ages. I then caught her going upstairs with it to her bedroom. She told me she was going to keep it has her pet.😂. I said you can't do that, she said its OK am going to get some leaves for it to eat and I can use 1 of my boxes for a house for it.
I had to explain to her why she couldn't just "steal" it from nature.

tillyandmilly · 31/07/2025 12:47

I would have said something as well - typical uneducated parent response- I despair! They better release that butterfly! And why was she swinging it around ? Makes my blood boil!

FanofLeaves · 31/07/2025 12:47

CarrotyO · 31/07/2025 12:46

Weird that there is a vegan on this thread arguing AGAINST the protection of wildlife

Yes, it’s very strange!

OP posts: