To ask when it gets easier to get out the house on a morning?

[gettingoutthehouse]

I just want to know if it’s normal to struggle to get out the house before late morning when your husband or partner is at work?

By the time I have played with baby, fed baby milk and breakfast with the appropriate spacing between, gobbled down my own breakfast, cleaned down the high chair, possibly emptied the dishwasher and put a load of washing on, baby is tired and wants their first nap. I have the choice then of either putting them in their jumperoo or cot with some toys while I throw on leggings and a jumper and dash out the house feeling a bit scruffy at 9am (they will grizzle if I do this so I have to rush) OR let them have their first nap at home, usually on me, and then get ready a bit better while they are happy to play.

Is there a secret trick to making any of this more straightforward or does it sound about right? I really (naively) thought it would get easier as baby gets older but I’m not finding that yet… though maybe it’s just me!

I was talking to one of baby’s grandparents and they were confused that I only like to schedule one plan or main activity a day (be that a supermarket trip, meeting a friend, or a class). I plan everything else around this and always like to be home around 1pm to guarantee an afternoon cot nap so I can eat my own lunch, hang the washing to dry and start to prepare dinner. They implied I’m being too restrictive and finding excuses not to do things. I think they are of the mind that your baby should fit in around your day and you should be flexible. I don’t think that works for every baby?

I will budge from this schedule on my husband’s days off absolutely, or for a nice one-off lunch or plan I want to do, but when it’s just me with baby I can’t find another way to do it without it being chaos or resulting in difficult bedtime and disrupted night.

AIBU? Any helpful ideas or words of wisdom?

I got out in the morning so baby would have their first nap in the pushchair. I would go shopping or just for a walk. I was and always have been very much baby fits into my life. If I needed or wanted to go out I would go out and baby could sleep in the car

One thing a day is absolutely fine!

I found I either did everything by 11am or not at all. Planning to do multiple things and failing is a path to frustration.

I think planning one thing and sometimes managing more is much healthier way of being.

It’s all a phase anyway. Routines change and what works now won’t in a couple of months.

Having had two and done completely different routines and approaches with both reinforces my belief that you just go with your intuition, not other people’s ideas, because you instinctively know what works for you and your individual baby.

Mine won’t nap in the pushchair

Thank you so much!

It's easier with a baby I'm afraid...we going now on repeat with a primary aged child. With a baby you just pick them up and the bag and go. It was so easy ...hoping it gets easier in teenager years. Pick your battles

Babies are easier if you stick to a routine. They eventually drop naps which makes some things easier and other things harder. I find my 14 year old quite easy to get out of the house if that helps at all? 😂

Maybe once they are 3 or 4 but then the little sods won't put clothes on and have tantrums... Perhaps when they are 7 and up?

How is it harder with a primary child? Won’t they sit and play with toys while you get ready, and then put their own shoes and jacket on and get themselves in their car seat? I’d think they could also wipe crumbs off the table after breakfast and not splash porridge up the walls (hopefully!)

And no naps to try and structure your day round

If you’re happy doing 1 thing a day then that’s absolutely fine but honestly it’s probably about as easy as it will ever be. You just won’t have a choice when you have to drop at nursery then head to work, or your eldest needs to get to school etc. etc.

I agree with @Cutleryclaire You do what works for you and your baby. And yes that might change when you have any more children! You’ve described a similar day to my days when I had my eldest, and at times if I hadn’t gone anywhere by 10.30am I would just resign us to a day at home. My children are both teens at this point and I promise it does get easier. Yes there’s different stuff to deal with but they can hold their own bags and get themselves out of the door and into the car etc. Still need reminded to actually get up and dressed but that’s fine. I feel like it got easier when we settled into primary around about primary 2 or primary 3 (6-7 years old). I know that sounds a world away but you can do this and you’ll get there. You sound like a lovely mum!

I always described it as there’s blocks of activities (nappy, feed, sleep) and a window of opportunity to get out in between. If you miss one, you’re better waiting for the next unless you want to be out and about with a hungry baby.

what you have sounds perfectly normal and realistic. Don’t worry about others expectations if it’s working for you.

(And I have a toddler and a primary age and can confirm that for mine, primary one is fine to get out of the house and has been since reception. She gets up last and is first ready)

I’ve got 3 primary aged kids and you’re right, it’s definitely easier in that you can go out all day and do multiple things without worrying about naps. It’s only more difficult when they’re being difficult and don’t want to get dressed or get shoes on, or the last minute needing a wee or they’ve forgotten something.

Its definitely easier if you have a baby that naps in a pushchair, I’d try and persist a bit with that, DC3 hated it but having two older DC meant we needed to go out for longer trips so he just had to get used to it (we used a white noise app on a phone and put it in the pushchair which helped).

With DC1 I liked having a routine and having naps in the cot at home because it was the only time at home I had my hands free and could get stuff done easily. If your routine works for you both now then stick with it, it’ll constantly change as they get older anyway. The grandparents right in the sense that it is restrictive and if you have another DC then they have to just fit with you, rather than you working around them. But with DC1 I quite liked having a routine and knowing I could eat or have a cup of tea in peace, just do what works for you.

How is it harder with a primary child? Won’t they sit and play with toys while you get ready, and then put their own shoes and jacket on and get themselves in their car seat? I’d think they could also wipe crumbs off the table after breakfast and not splash porridge up the walls (hopefully!)

😂😂
No - they might play with toys but then don't want to stop. They might want to put their wellies on rather than their schools shoes. Or put them on the wrong feet. If they can find them. They definitely won't want to put their coat on, especially if raining or snowing. Even if it's on, they can't do it up. Food will still end up in most places.
Then you will remember that they haven't got their packed lunch/water bottle/PE kit/homework. Or that it's cake sale day, or Roman Day and they need a costume, or mufti day and they shouldn't be in their uniform.
By which time, their coat will be off, they need the loo and the cat's been sick.....

I would say teens are easier - that's if you can get them out of bed in the first place.

No with a school age 4YO they might not kill themselves whilst you’re in the shower but you still need to brush their teeth for them whilst they protest, they will make a mess with the cereal and the idea of them clearing it up is laughable, you’ll ask them to get dressed probably 4 times before they do and they’ll probably still need help with buttons, the shoes will go on the wrong feet AND if you have more than 1 then depending on your age gap you’re still also dealing with your second who is a baby/toddler and you’re on a hard deadline to get to school on time. By comparison 1 baby is quite easy.

At that age, get ready while your dh is at home in the morning to look after the baby for a bit.
I would do that and dc and I wouldn’t go downstairs until we were all dressed and ready.
obviously sometimes, we’d have to get changed later due to one thing or another.
Make sure changing bags are restocked in the evening.
Then it’s just breakfast and out.

Plenty of people manage to get all that done and out of the house in time to drop at childcare and be at work by 9am. The simple fact is you're making choices that mean you're not getting out until mid morning, and other people make choices in order that they aren't.

What time does your baby wake up?
Can't you have your breakfast at the same time?
Can you dress yourself before you go downstairs?
Put the washer on at night?

It sounds quite normal to me but I wouldn't worry too much about timings if you don't actually have to be anywhere at a specific time. If you do, that's the time to get the baby to be more flexible about things like not having the perfect timing between their milk and breakfast or trying a nap in the buggy. Do they nap in a sling? That's another way to get a nap whilst out and about.

Well, I had a pram-napping baby and I'm a scruff by default, but I can definitely sympathise with the arsehole comments from relatives!

When they say that you're being too restrictive, they generally mean "why won't your baby fall in with my wants, which are also restrictive, even though I'm a grown-ass adult who could shift my own wants a bit to accommodate a baby, but I in fact want to act like the biggest baby in the room".

It's perfectly fine to hit a rhythm that suits you. It doesn't last forever.

There are pros and cons to every phase, but they're all short.

Also, for the love of god can posters stop saying, "when you have another baby" as if it's a given?

I really struggled until my DD was around 8 months. Now I put her in her cot with toys and/or YouTube baby music/mickey mouse whilst I get ready 30-40 mins. So much easier now and she’s 15 months I still do the same, I struggled when she was younger as she wouldn’t sit in her bouncer chair or anything. I don’t know how old your baby is but a jumperoo really helped too but obviously you have to watch her whilst she’s in it, I just used to put it in the bedroom while I got ready and she’d be happy bouncing and playing

You sound exactly like me with my first! If I managed to get out the door by midday I called it a great success. I think people (grandparents especially) can sometimes forget what it's like to have a really young baby. I only ever planned one thing a day (if that) and I have absolutely ZERO regrets about that, especially now my kids are older and I'm always running about daft with school/nursery pick ups/ playdates/ clubs. Enjoy your baby and do things your own way.

Why is that though.
My sister was obsessed with napping and sleeping. Bedtime, routine and naptime routine involved, pulling the blackout curtains, complete and utter silence. She extended that downstairs when she had guests.
We didn't make a noise while she was putting her baby to sleep as it would stop the routine. She warned us before she went upstairs and woe it as if we spoke above a whisper.

Then to her surprise, she couldn't go anywhere because the baby wouldn't sleep unless it was pitch dark and absolutely silent and the baby wouldn't sleep in a car seat or a push chair And she was chained to the house and a slave to routine.

I've known her be so wound up that the baby wasn't falling asleep in the pushchair - by now, the baby was over eighteen months, that she drove home to put the baby in bed and said she'd come and collect us when he was awake. It was ridiculous.

If like another poster did from a very early age, my sister had got up, got out with a baby in a pram and taken him for a walk from a young age.He probably would have fallen asleep in there. But no, she got got him out of bed in the morning, fed him breakfast and left him in his pyjamas, so he could go straight back down for his nap after breakfast, in pitch dark and utter silence again. Then he wasn't dressed until very late in the morning, and almost ready for another nap in complete silence an pitch dark. So she had been in the house day till about two pm then complaints she hadn't got anywhere all day

I spent a lot of time as a guest at my sister's house when her son was little, tiptoeing around and whispering, whilst she was putting him in bed. Not able to go anywhere at all because of his sleep times. Make a rod for your own back.

I tried to find comedian Victoria Woods sketch on getting to the Baby Clinic with her new baby but couldn't find that one but look at youtube at V Wood and baby comedy - they will at least cheer you up

When they move out you'll be able to get out with ease at whatever time you like 😂

Celebrate the small wins and don't listen to others who have different children or likely have their rose tinted specs on.
You got out the house. That's a win.

I had ones that never slept in a buggy or the car seat. I had to make sure we were home for naps or my life just wasn't worth living with their grumpiness. Lots of days we didn't bother going out we just went with the flow. It's not forever but there are different battles that's for sure. The pain of naps have been replaced by making sure 24/7 snacks and food is available for mine. They are hollow. Even at 10,7 and 3 we don't often do full days out they prefer a morning or afternoon. They need downtime to decompress. Plus the endless snack times.