To ask when it gets easier to get out the house on a morning?

[gettingoutthehouse]

I just want to know if it’s normal to struggle to get out the house before late morning when your husband or partner is at work?

By the time I have played with baby, fed baby milk and breakfast with the appropriate spacing between, gobbled down my own breakfast, cleaned down the high chair, possibly emptied the dishwasher and put a load of washing on, baby is tired and wants their first nap. I have the choice then of either putting them in their jumperoo or cot with some toys while I throw on leggings and a jumper and dash out the house feeling a bit scruffy at 9am (they will grizzle if I do this so I have to rush) OR let them have their first nap at home, usually on me, and then get ready a bit better while they are happy to play.

Is there a secret trick to making any of this more straightforward or does it sound about right? I really (naively) thought it would get easier as baby gets older but I’m not finding that yet… though maybe it’s just me!

I was talking to one of baby’s grandparents and they were confused that I only like to schedule one plan or main activity a day (be that a supermarket trip, meeting a friend, or a class). I plan everything else around this and always like to be home around 1pm to guarantee an afternoon cot nap so I can eat my own lunch, hang the washing to dry and start to prepare dinner. They implied I’m being too restrictive and finding excuses not to do things. I think they are of the mind that your baby should fit in around your day and you should be flexible. I don’t think that works for every baby?

I will budge from this schedule on my husband’s days off absolutely, or for a nice one-off lunch or plan I want to do, but when it’s just me with baby I can’t find another way to do it without it being chaos or resulting in difficult bedtime and disrupted night.

AIBU? Any helpful ideas or words of wisdom?

Naps are really really important. I would happily schedule my life around the little one getting enough sleep because if they don’t get a nap during the day they sure as hell don’t sleep at night.

With my first it was so easy, he just slept wherever so could do whatever I wanted with him. He wasn't much of a routine kind of baby. The second one didn't like the pram or the car so he was much more difficult to manage. Do what's best for you. No need for lots of activities for baby but it may be nice for you. I found baby classes and such just exhausting. Mine were never those that sat in the lap and listened wide eyed 😅

I definitely find my 15yo harder to get out of the house than when he was a baby. Then, I could just do everything to him and have it all planned and sorted. Now I have to persuade him to do it all. How can it take 20 minutes to get socks on and them still be the wrong colour for school? How is it possible that every single day there is something he needs for school that I didn't know about (and he can't find) that he only remembers at 7am when we are supposed to walk out of the door??

Have you lived with a toddler or primary aged child before? I definitely found it easier to get out of the house with babies. I now have a 5 year old and a 1 year old toddler and it is hard, very hard. Babies are portable and just join in with your day.

Several things to make life easier:
do the dishwasher/wiping down in the evening when baby is in bed
no naps on you - stops you doing things
ignore grizzling - get ready at your pace
lay your clothes out the night before
playpen if the baby doesn't like the jumparoo

See I'm of the " grandparents" generation. Somehow ( necessity not to lose job) we managed to get a baby out, drop off to childcare and get into work by 9.

And I had 16 week maternity leave with eldest so was back at work when she was 13 weeks old

I think if you HAVE to do things you make a way of making them work

If you have 2 children you have to get the eldest to school or nursery on time. So people do

Of course if it's one baby and you don't need to actually be anywhere then you can make things far more baby oriented and take ages

When my child was a baby I didn’t put pressure on getting out early as feeding slows down the morning. However once they were at nursery we got into an early morning routine quicker. I get up, showered, dressed and make up on. Wake my child and get them dressed with extra time included for cuddles/play so I wasn’t rushing them, and we’re out the door for nursery and breakfast is given there. I found it easier once I had that structure of nursery run before work. Not every morning is easy now with pre-school age child, but as long as I wake early enough to not rush them out, it’s a calm and easy morning routine

First of all if you’re happy with your routine and set up then who cares about others opinions!

I’m in the toddler stage and sometimes I look back and wonder why it took me so long to leave the house. Especially when you go on to have a second child, the baby just fits your life. You HAVE to be out of the door early to drop the eldest off.

It also depends on you getting ready, if you want your hair and make up done all nice it’ll probably be hard to do!

How old is your baby? From 6-7 months my son was eating finger food for breakfast so I ate at the same time.

The more you take them out and sort of attempt naps in the pram the more they’ll get used to it xx

With your first I think you can be prone to oveethinking how rigid you need to be in a routine, so everything is focused on the baby's "needs" sometime to the detriment of our own. If you want to go out when you're ready to go then go out, the baby will be fine, and will probably end up being so much more adaptable when you aren't trying to fit in with their "routine" which is ever changing month by month as they grow. I remember being fixated on trying to get my firstborn into a regimented routine and if anything it made her more grizzly as sometimes the routine can't be kept to 100%. With my second she had to just go with the flow, maybe not napping at ideal times, and sometimes getting woken, as preschool drop offs and pick ups wouldn't wait, but she was much more adaptable because of it, and I realised that life doesn't have to revolve around the ever changing schedule of a baby, as they do just learn to nap as and when possible. Makes life much easier and more enjoyable for everyone in the long run.

I mean it depends really. Yes if you are at home all day with a baby you can be completely baby orientated. If you have to drop them at childcare and be at work for 9am when you have to make that happen.

My kids are 10 and 7 and it was hard work earlier this week getting out the house on time to drop them at holiday club then getting to work for 9am, because they didn’t want to go. Yes they are capable of getting up, getting dressed, getting their own shoes on. But they need more emotional support and encouragement than when they were babies. Babies need more physical help. It is very tricky to get my 10 year old out the door if he doesn’t want to go somewhere I can assure you, in some ways it was easier when he was a baby, because even if he was grumpy I could just put him in the car and go!

If we were going to Legoland, I guarantee they’d be fully dressed with their shoes on by 8am 😀

Well yes. With my sisters first and only the baby never slept anywhere, but a pitch black room with total silence.

Then wondered why the child wouldn't sleep in a car seat or pram.

Ha! That's what I was thinking the whole time I was reading the OP!

You'll get different answers depending on the type of parent and type of baby they have had. My mum fit me into her life and not the other way around. She did this with all 4 of us and couldn't understand parents with strict nap schedules as she felt that was making a rod for your own back. Cue my sister then having a baby who would only nap on her and she understood things worked differently for different families and kids. They never tried to break the cycle as it was easier just to give in and who doesn't like baby cuddles?

For me, I always got out after the first nap. I didn't worry about the washing though, we'd often do it on the evening and put it out first thing in the morning or on dryers on the evening and often it would be my dh who did it. I also didn't feel guilty if I didn't get out as I'm a home body anyway. I found that mine when younger would get grizzly of we were out all day so we didnt burn the candle at both ends whilst they still has naps.

If you are different and need to get out for your mental health then you need to make it happen. Having baby nap on you is a habit that needs to either be broken or you work everything else around it by getting your partner to share more of the load.

You have rose tinted specs on about what it is like when they are older. I can only speak for mine but yes whilst they can pick up more of the physical load they still need constant reminders to get coats and shoes on and to hurry up. Mine are 9, 8 and 3.

Cue my sister then having a baby who would only nap on her

Baby wraps and carriers are huge right now. There's a solution for everything.

If it works for you it works for you. That kind of routine, being so tied to the house, would have driven me up the wall so mine alway nap on the go!

I went back to work when mine was 8 weeks old, so I had no choice but to get out the door at a certain time each morning. If you're happy with the way your day is structured then that's fine. If you would like to be out doing things earlier in the day, you can make that happen, you might just have to rearrange and re-prioritize some of the things you are spending your time on.

8 weeks! That would have killed me on baby1. I can't even imagine.
Saying that I did manage by baby number 3 to do lots of things straight away. By the age of 5 weeks she had been to a wedding, 2 funerals, a camping trip and we had to do a major house repair. The older DC were only 2 and 4 so it was quite chaotic.

So how did our parents cope. Maternity leave was four months if you were lucky in the eighties and nineties. And yet they did cope

With my first I was very stuck to routine. Baby number 2 had slightly more relaxed routine and baby number 3 had to fit in.

My dc are now 10, 14 and 16. It's starting to get much easier but you've a long way to go!

I think if you don't have to get out early, why put the pressure on? There will be plenty of years of work, nursery, school to come so enjoy slow mornings while you can!

I would second persevering with the buggy nap (or sling) as it does give you more flexibility. I had my baby during lockdown so it felt quite important to have a good routine. I roughly followed eat, 'play', sleep so would generally get ready when we got up and then head out after the morning nap (all we could really do was walk but I also agree with one thing per day being optimal) and she'd have the next nap in the buggy. Then I'd aim to get home for the last nap which tbh was quite often a contact nap because it was nice for us both to rest for a bit. Then I used Playmat, sling or bouncer to get jobs done in the evening but partner also did half the cooking and cleaning etc. so an hour a day was more than enough.

When she was down to 2 naps it was similar - go out after morning nap and with 1 nap we could go out whenever.

That wouldn’t have suited me when mine was a baby but there’s no right or wrong way to do these things. All parents and children are different, do what works for you and sod the rest of them.

I didn't plan around any naps at home, mine just had to sleep wherever they were, which was often in the pram or car. I suppose it took quite a while from getting up to leaving the house, but I was probably ready by mid morning. I could be earlier if I had to!

I would be concerned you say your baby usually sleeps on you and won’t nap in a pushchair. You won’t last 5 minutes unless you can break those habits.

You need to start going out when they haven’t napped. They’ll eventually get tired and fall asleep.

OP you're making choices that ensure you dont get out of the house until a certain time. Just plan better and change when you do things. Do you have a partner who can do things in the morning?

Also babies are easier by a mile than toddlers or children sorry to tell you. I have a few friends with their first baby who are married to a strict routine and honestly it sounds a bit miserable, I'm very much of the opinion baby fits into your lifestyle.

Reading between the lines, it appears that you are asking:”Am I doing enough?”.
The question is - are you satisfied with your life right now? There isn’t a moral superiority about flinging yourself out of the house as soon as possible (to go where?), being productive or industrious or sociable only matters if it makes you happy. I suspect that this comment from the grandparents has cut deeper than you thought and, as a first time mum, you question every choice you make, which is not unusual.
From my point of view, as a mum of late teens, I would give absolutely anything to have my babies nap on me one more time. This is entirely irrelevant, of course, so I go back to my question - is there more or less that you wish you had in your life? Once you know, the fix is easy, there are many practical solutions in the posts above.