To ask when it gets easier to get out the house on a morning?

[gettingoutthehouse]

I just want to know if it’s normal to struggle to get out the house before late morning when your husband or partner is at work?

By the time I have played with baby, fed baby milk and breakfast with the appropriate spacing between, gobbled down my own breakfast, cleaned down the high chair, possibly emptied the dishwasher and put a load of washing on, baby is tired and wants their first nap. I have the choice then of either putting them in their jumperoo or cot with some toys while I throw on leggings and a jumper and dash out the house feeling a bit scruffy at 9am (they will grizzle if I do this so I have to rush) OR let them have their first nap at home, usually on me, and then get ready a bit better while they are happy to play.

Is there a secret trick to making any of this more straightforward or does it sound about right? I really (naively) thought it would get easier as baby gets older but I’m not finding that yet… though maybe it’s just me!

I was talking to one of baby’s grandparents and they were confused that I only like to schedule one plan or main activity a day (be that a supermarket trip, meeting a friend, or a class). I plan everything else around this and always like to be home around 1pm to guarantee an afternoon cot nap so I can eat my own lunch, hang the washing to dry and start to prepare dinner. They implied I’m being too restrictive and finding excuses not to do things. I think they are of the mind that your baby should fit in around your day and you should be flexible. I don’t think that works for every baby?

I will budge from this schedule on my husband’s days off absolutely, or for a nice one-off lunch or plan I want to do, but when it’s just me with baby I can’t find another way to do it without it being chaos or resulting in difficult bedtime and disrupted night.

AIBU? Any helpful ideas or words of wisdom?

😬😬😬😬😬

I bloody wish

Won’t they sit and play with toys while you get ready. optimistically, yeah (and cause mess at the same time), but often it's more like herding cars.

and then put their own shoes and jacket on and get themselves in their car seat?

Theoretically, sure. But you've not factored in them arguing about every single aspect. Then one taking the hair brush the other one wanted, and yelling a their sibling. Then you've got one sobbing upstairs, refusing to leave the house (this was yesterday).

Or a toddler saying 'i do it myself' and getting upset if you try to help, except they've been doing it for 20 minutes and you're now late.

I’d think they could also wipe crumbs off the table after breakfast and not splash porridge up the walls (hopefully!)

They are less messy than they were (both primary age), but the difference is now that a lot of it is deliberate, which makes it incredibly annoying. There is still food on the floor, still wrappers not in the bin.

Oh, and before you think it's just lazy parenting and we don't try, we've tried reward charts, jars, being nice about it, being grumpy about it, you name it.

If you know what time the baby will wake for the morning then try to get up 10-15 mins earlier, jump in the shower and get yourself ready for the day, however early this might be it means you're not trying to shower while entertaining baby. Other than that do whatever suits you both and don't listen too much to others.

This brings back the horror of trying solo to get a baby, a toddler and a school aged child out of the house by 7.15am. Absolutely hideous days.

With one baby it honestly isn’t too difficult although it might not feel like it now. You do what works best for you, if that’s one outing and home for nap, do that.

My routine with one was always:

• showered, dressed and downstairs by 10am. Without fail. This was so important for my mental health.
• in the morning the baby either napped whilst I did what I needed to or they sat in their bouncer and watched me shower.
• grizzling was ignored
• naps were in their cot or basket once there were over a few weeks old
• one outing a day, usually mid to late morning
• usually home for naps but sometimes in the buggy if a longer trip
• baby would sit in bouncer or playing on the floor or whatever whilst i did chores (or in the sling when they were small)
• I would always have a rest when they had their afternoon nap. Chores can wait, my tiredness could not.

Second and third baby: everyone was ready and out of the house much earlier, baby just had to come along with us all, multiple outings a day, naps wherever. I did still try to have a rest/nap whilst the baby and toddler napped 😄

It sounds like your routine is working well for you, so I can’t see any reason to change it!

Although it obviously is possible to get out early with a baby, if you want to. I have to take my 3 month old and 2yo on the pre-school run with the 4yo every morning and afternoon, and they manage to be dressed and fed. I just need to be relatively on top of when baby needs feeding and needs to sleep, but otherwise we have to get up and out. I do laundry as we leave and enter the house via the utility room.

My hair, however, is never looking that great, as that’s the bit I’ve currently sacrificed to fit everything into a set window of time! 😂

Eldest does likely have ADHD but mornings are like this (made up names), but it's not even an exaggeration 😭

Mission put pants on
Me: Anna, please can you put pants on
Anna: continues to read
Me: Anna, did you hear me, please put some pants on.
Anna: says ok, leaves room. Wanders back in 5 minutes later, no pants
Me: Anna,.where are your pants
Anna: what pants
Me; the ones I asked you to put on
Anna: oh yeah I forgot. Wanders back out. I hear giggling, she's playing with her sister
Me: Anna, pants please
Anna: but I'm playing
Me: seriously, please put pants on
Anna: ok. Comes.back wearing little sisters pants
Anna: these aren't fitting me
Me; are they yours - goes to look. B
No, they're Beth's. Can you change them please.
Anna: ok.
Me (a few minutes later), see, that Anna is sat on her bed reading. Pants Anna.
Anna: ok

Mission success.

Now mission, rest of clothes, breakfast, washing, hair brushing, teeth brushing, shoes, actually leaving the house...

Sounds like you're doing really well to me!

Ignore the people who say 'oh just you wait until ...', really not helpful at all.

It does get easier. IF you do have another child in the future it still gets easier. Might be hard work at times, but you don't have to worry about a poo just before you leave the house, or having to pack milk and specific snacks!

You could try to get ready while they have their first nap, do dishwasher and chores, while they sleep, then when they wake up straight out the door?

It is difficult and one trip or activity a day is plenty! Some people find it easier to be out all day, others to stay in all day. Don't put pressure on yourself, do what works best for you.

Your day sounds fine! Mine are older (7, 4, 4) and on our days off in the school hols we only do one scheduled activity per day. They need time to play and relax at home, I need time to clean/laundry and prep meals. But if we don’t go out once a day they start climbing the walls and trashing the place.

Some have made the point about getting up and out in the morning to do nursery drop offs and go to work, but in many ways it’s easier being at work and the house doesn’t get as messy.

It does get easier (although dealing with toileting just before the school run is stressful). I think parents of older children forget how full-on babies are.

When I was a teenager, I remember my mom saying "I was happiest when I could hold your hand". I now have 27, 24 and 21 yo and I totally get it. 🤣🤣

When they move out you get a few years' respite. Then before you know it, you have elderly parents and you're back to square one, wondering how it can possibly take them so long to get out the house. Suppressing the urge to scream HOW CAN IT TAKE EIGHT AND A HALF MINUTES TO PUT ON A COAT AND A PAIR OF SHOES AND GET IN A CAR????

All you can do is enjoy the bit in the middle.

I think each kid is different. I can easily get me and my 3 year old up, ready, fed and out in about an hour most days. She happily plays while I sort myself and is pretty obliging on most days. As a baby I found it impossible to sort us both out to get out of the house quickly! I was always pre to baby group. It does get easier

That sounds totally reasonable to me but sadly not to my child!! As a toddler / primary schooler she would refuse point blank to put her shoes on or to go to the loo. She’d insist on dressing herself and then take ages or end up in shorts in January. We once didn’t leave the house all day as she refused to put any clothes on at all. She could get into far more mischief when my back was turned too!

Haha yeah I never got any of my 3 out of the house before the afternoon unless there was something important like a doctors appointment. Too exhausting trying to do that every day!
And loads of baby groups are at 9am.. not a chance mate!!
But I'm lucky in that mine were all good sleepers. They'd wake up for milk about 7 but then would have a couple of hours nap after that.
No way would I be interfering with that trying to cart them out of the house. I'd either have a nap myself or get some housework done.
After that would move into lunchtime.
Then after lunch it would be going out.
This would be the case until each baby started nursery at age 3 to be honest!

I think it's different for some people whose kids don't sleep much and they'd be sat there from 5am waiting for the day to start.

You do you. With my first I mostly planned the day around naps etc, yes it does get tricker when your having to get them to nursery etc but your not in that position yet so do what works for you.
i have a 5 and 6 year old and yes it is much much easier to get out the door, although there are different challenges. Your comment about them cleaning up their crumbs made me smile though 🤣🤣🤣 I’m sure when you read that back in a few years it will make you smile too 🤣

Don't be so hard on yourself - enjoy this special time together- don't worry about getting ready - this precious time is so short - believe me it will be gone in the blink of an eye - I would give anything to be able to go back and do it all again!

This. Primary age children are messy, stubborn, and forgetful (no child before 9am on a busy Monday morning will be able to find their shoes!)!

My babies have just fitted in with my routine. They are the easiest they ever will be at baby age!

a couple of things stand out though - what’s your partner doing in the morning and can’t he help baby while you get dressed?
nkt sure what ‘appropriate gap’ between milk and breakfast is.
why can’t you eat at the same time as the baby?

I feel a bit miserable if I feel I’m on a countdown to bedtime from 3ish so would hate for the day to basically turn into tea prep then bedtime at 1pm?!?!

Just go out. Baby will adapt to you.

Nap in pushchair etc. feed on the go.

And when they find their shoes they'll be the wrong ones, or on top of odd socks - like one short sock and one knee high 😂

One thing a day for me here too! Both when my son was a baby and now with my second. I hated the pushchair nap because he would always wake up as soon as I was home so I’d have to spend 1.5-2 hours out to guarantee he slept enough, otherwise he’d be tired and off schedule for the rest of the day. One activity a day is great, how many more do they need?! And you’re doing play at home for the rest of the day, sounds perfect to me. I too love the lunchtime cot nap, it’s always lovely and long and they have a great quality of sleep whilst giving me a bit of chill out time. I also used to (and do now with my newborn), get out in the morning for a park trip or something else and then lots of activities in the afternoon. I can’t imagine having to do a second trip, it’s nice to just hang out with them and play, sing, read etc. Not everything stimulating has to be an outing!

I find getting the baby out much easier than getting the older one off to school. At least the baby can be picked up...

One thing a day is absolutely fine, if that's what you're happy with. I've never been fussed about routines for the little ones. DC2 is now 12 months and I usually get up as normal (5.30am), have a shower and get ready while the kids are still asleep, sort the breakfast, dishwasher, whatever, then wake them and they have breakfast. I then get DC2 dressed while repeatedly telling DC1 to put some clothes on unless he wants to go to school in his underpants...once both kids are dressed and ready, I quickly wipe down the highchair and put on the robovac and get everyone out of the house. We used to walk DC1 to school while I was still off work and DC2 not yet in nursery. Nowadays, I get both in the car, we drive to a car park close to school, walk DC1 there, then I walk to nursery with DC2 and then make my way back to the car to drive to work.
DC2 used to just nap wherever and whenever she felt like it. I don't think she's ever napped in her cot and is now mostly down to one lunchtime nap. She does go to sleep like a dream in the evenings, though, and seems to have no issue at nursery, either.

That's a lovely thought but some days I can't get my little out on time, and yes I'm in fear of losing my job, but its a battle on many days, forcing him into clothes/car seats/no breakfast whatever the battle is, me enforcing it just does not cut it.
I have to get compliance to make it work, and tbh he does, if I explain the problem try harder.

What it has taught me as a manager is to go much easier on people with kids of whatever age, bc it can be tough.

Side note I am of the generation where we did what we were told or ........
I don't want my child brought up that way.

For the OP, I used to plan a trip out every other day at that age so you are doing better than many.

I found it easier to do as many things as possible at the same time as my baby.
We used to go out somewhere by 10am every day (PND meant I needed to get out and see other people).
So, I’d take her in the shower with me, once she could sit up ok. She played, I got washed, no need to have a bath later on. First milk feed was whilst we were still in bed, then have a shower, then breakfast together. Then go out. I fid a mixture of puree and finger food so it wasn’t as messy as BLW.

Unloading dishwasher I’d more usually do in the afternoon once she’d woken up from a nap. Sat her near the dishwasher and gave her things to hold and wave around (plastic sieve, wooden spoon) whilst talking about what I was doing.

Everything counts as playing with the baby at this age - taking them in the shower, letting them watch you empty the dishwasher, lying them on the grass whilst you hang washing out, taking them round a supermarket. You don’t necessarily have to be down on the floor with some baby toys!

You’re being too rigid with the routine. encourage naps outside the house in pram or in a sling and free yourself x