To feel sad about 10 years celibate

[TheGoldFox]

I have been single and celibate since I was 28, I’m not far off 40 now and I feel sad at the prospect of reaching 40 and being celibate for over 10 years, maybe I’m being silly, I have children now so I know life is just suppose to revolve around them. Has anyone spent a long time celibate? Especially people in their 30s? Is it normal to feel sad or Aibu?

Would you not trust your child's teacher alone with your child in a room together?

one doesn’t at the moment so not right now.

Not a stranger, I know both their teachers for years as they’ve taught my other kids. Why is this turning into a thing about babysitters? I chose not to use them if you want to or anyone else does crack on.

Because it's school holidays or you're home schooling? I don't really understand.

Can you get a fwb.
I choose to be sexless as i really cant be bothered with it.
However i sleep around when im on holiday.

Because we're trying to find a solution for you. We're not necessarily saying to go find a random man on the street to look after your children
But there are people you might be able to ask who aren't strangers, to you or your children, but if you wouldn't trust a teacher who you know alone with your child. Then it's not just an issue with strangers looking after your child, it's an issue with anyone but yourself looking after your kids. So then at least people know if there's any point trying to find a helpful solution for you
I, like many of the others on this thread are trying to help and aren't judging you

I’m 46 so not in the age range you specified, and heading towards 9 years in Jan. Not that I’m counting 😂

It does make me sad to think I might never have a sexual relationship again. Like you I don’t really have a lot of free time between a full time job and children - and then in my free time I want to see my existing friends rather than dating. So kind of my own fault…

But then again my children are getting older now and hopefully I’ll have more time soon. Although as teens you can never be sure they won’t turn up for any reason when they’re meant to be at their dads - they sometimes come in and get things even when I’m asleep and I don’t even hear them!

I’m not asking for a solution I asked if anyone was in the same situation spending several years celibate in their 30s? If I wanted to use sitters I would.

That’s a fair point about teens people say it’s easier but I can actually think of a few ways it can be harder!

I think it’s turned into a thing about babysitters because that’s the only way you’d be able to end the celibate streak - by dating, which involves using a babysitter. There’s no way to do this for the foreseeable without having someone look after your kids.

I will be waiting until they have grown up, I know it’s a choice this is more just a post to see if I’m the only one in this situation having spent 10 years celibate or others are in the same situation.

I’m sure I could find a way around it if I was more invested in dating but I find in practice I just don’t prioritise it - which must mean it’s not a priority for me!

I’d do it if I was really motivated to, I’m sure!

Yeah you won’t be the only one! Loads of people in the same boat I’m sure.

And it’s a good thing to prioritise your kids.

I think people are just saying if you really wanted to you could make dating happen without compromising putting them first.

Op if your DC don't have any sn then surely if the eldest is 13, in a few years time you'll be able to leave them home alone for a few hours in the evening?

You're not unreasonable for feeling sad about your celibacy but you are being a little unreasonable by complaining about it and refusing to do anything about it! Lots of people have tried to make helpful suggestions, all of which you've pooh-poohed. I'm not sure what you want from this thread?

In about 3 years when I will be 40 that’s my point.

If you don’t relate then you can skip past? I don’t comment on threads I don’t relate to.

Yep this, noone is telling you you're wrong to not trust a total stranger with your child and for putting your children first. Or that you shouldn't feel sad about being celibate for that long
People are trying to work out if there was a way to both put your children first and see if there was a way of getting you some child care that you would be comfortable with so you don't need to be sad about not having the opportunity to date. But ultimately if you don't feel comfortable with leaving your children with anyone regardless of if you and your children know the person, then I'm happy to jump off the thread.

And no one in the history of the world has ever had sex after the age of 40

Did I say that? It’s just a milestone isn’t it? Where did I say that? People feel sadness reaching old age anyway, I’m worried Im getting older I already feel ancient. (Again not saying that’s how others should feel before I’m jumped on just that I feel I’ve aged beyond my years)

Honestly op ..40 is not old.

I said I’m feeling old, you are clearly trying to put words in my mouth!

I can relate to being celibate because I have been for 12 years. I'm happy with the decision though. What I find difficult to understand is being unhappy about something you can change if you want to.

If you continue to reject every suggestion of how to have some time away from your children to pursue other things, this is your lot I'm afraid.

I think it's normal however you feel. Some people will feel sad, like you, while others may not be fussed. Some people consciously choose it.

It's just down to how you feel personally.