MIL stole my thunder

[vivazeboo]

Ok so this was a very long time ago, so I'm in no way asking for judgment or what to do..I'd just like to hear your thoughts on it. So I'm not a high achiever, never really done anything to make my parents proud. The one thing that I was so excited about was to give them grandchildren (sad..maybe). So, when I got pregnant I was so excited to tell my mum...and that was all fine and she was so happy etc...scroll on 9 months and I had just given birth to my son, 12 hr labour, lost nearly 4 pts of blood but ecstatic that he was born and alive and fine..my next thought was that I couldnt wait to tell my mum and dad...I phoned them - only to be told they already knew because MIL had phoned the unit and found out first... while writing this I'm thinking that I was maybe being unreasonable in being so fucking annoyed about it... but it was MY THING to do....and she took it from me...I've never been able to let it go..that baby is 23 now ha!

YANBU

But presumably they knew you were pregnant and about to have a baby? So the birth wasn't exactly a surprise? If they were going to be proud it would have been over how you raised their grandchild, not over how you managed to dial their number into a phone. You really really need to let this go.

I mean, you obviously are BU because it was so long ago but I do completely understand your frustration. I think I would feel the same way (and I would also probably still be fuming 23 years later as well!)

Yanbu. And the hospital shouldn't have been giving out your medical details.

Someone in the maternity unit told a stranger on the phone that you've just had a baby? And told them the sex as well?

Not sure why people are voting yabu, you aren’t at all! She absolutely stole your thunder, it was not her news to tell and she should never have been told in the first place.

YANBU that's appalling and exactly the sort of thing my MIL would do (which is why we didn't tell her when we went into hospital for the birth both times). I'd advise you to not tell her when you go into hospital if you have another child so she doesn't know if it's time to ring them up and ask.

Put her on an information diet . Only tell her need to know information.

Tell me you didn't read to the end of the OP without telling me... It's been 23 years, I'm pretty sure if the OP's had another child since the MIL knows about it by now!

A 23 year gap between sprogs would be most unusual. I'm sure the next one will be a surprise to everyone

I know it's been 23 years but fuck no yanbu. I don't think I could have gotten past that. Your poor mum hearing about it from your MIL too! Nasty woman.

Oh, that stings a lot.
I'd be irritated 23 years later.

A bit late doing that now - 23 years after the event

Yanbu.

I remember when I was in hospital after having DC2, it was Christmas Day, dc1 was 3 and it was his first Christmas with an understanding of what was going on and Father Christmas etc. I was gutted to be missing him open his presents, in laws were visiting to help and i asked mil if she could just bring one of his presents (that I had bought) up to the hospital so I could see him open one thing when they all came up to visit.
They arrived and I asked her where it was so I could give it him. She’d already let him open it. I was so disappointed.

MIL is a really nice lady, she didn’t mean anything by it so I didn’t say anything but even though it’s 11 years later and I’ve seen him open countless presents since then, it still makes me cross to think about.

She was unreasonable to do that and I can see why it would upset you though it's not clear if it was intentional or not. What's your relationship with MIL been like since then? Was this a one off thing she did or was it one of a number of things she has done to you?

Having said that I see a bigger issue with the way you felt that you had never done anything to make your parents proud and the need for to get their validation and pride after giving birth, I think that points to some underlying issues between you and your parents that goes beyond what MIL did.

Given it still upsets you so much 23 years later, do you still feel you haven't done anything to make your parents proud since then?

Yanbu.

😆😅😂

My SIL did that on Facebook announcing my second baby’s birth before I had. I had been keeping the sex and name a secret. I was fuming. She’s no longer on my Facebook thank goodness.

I can see why you were upset.

I'd be fucking cross at the unit too for telling any random person who called up that you had given birth.

I’d probably be more upset that your MIL had the absolute nerve to ring the hospital to dig for info and that they told her! That’s so rude and ridiculous of her that she couldn’t just wait for you to let her know in your own time. Ergh.

I think that would have spoiled it for your parents too. You are definitely not being unreasonable.

Presumably she knew you were pregnant so telling them you gave birth wouldn't have been too much of a surprise.

ah come on. you know full well that telling your parents that you had a baby is very different from your MIL telling your parents you had a baby before you had a chance to call them.

Why are you saying anything about a surprise - it was never going to be a surprise. It was the moment of telling her parents.

@vivazeboo Hospitals do not normally give that detail to anyone who isn't next of kin. Confidentiality and all that. Unless you're not in UK?

DH has 2 sisters, one is lovely and the other is a weapon. The weapon had her 2nd baby 3 days before I had my second baby so we were both in the hospital at the same time and she was in a room opposite the room I was in.

I'd given birth at lunchtime and when FIL came in to visit that evening to meet my baby he visit the weapon in her room then she brought him up to the nursery to see my baby without even checking with me if it was ok.

FIL popped back to my room and said the weapon had brought him to see my baby. Both DH and myself felt gutted that we weren't the ones to introduce our new baby to his grandad.