MIL stole my thunder

[vivazeboo]

Ok so this was a very long time ago, so I'm in no way asking for judgment or what to do..I'd just like to hear your thoughts on it. So I'm not a high achiever, never really done anything to make my parents proud. The one thing that I was so excited about was to give them grandchildren (sad..maybe). So, when I got pregnant I was so excited to tell my mum...and that was all fine and she was so happy etc...scroll on 9 months and I had just given birth to my son, 12 hr labour, lost nearly 4 pts of blood but ecstatic that he was born and alive and fine..my next thought was that I couldnt wait to tell my mum and dad...I phoned them - only to be told they already knew because MIL had phoned the unit and found out first... while writing this I'm thinking that I was maybe being unreasonable in being so fucking annoyed about it... but it was MY THING to do....and she took it from me...I've never been able to let it go..that baby is 23 now ha!

@vivazeboo what a bitch!😉

"I've never been able to let it go..that baby is 23 now ha!" 🤣

Not to me hence my comment.

@vivazeboo where are you located? I find it really odd that a hospital would give personal information to a random on a phone (anyone could ring up claiming they were anyone). And if this were actually the case, that you did not deal with this aspect at the time, or did you lodge and a complaint?

🤭🤭🤭

YANBU

Hospital should never have given out your medical information.

MIL was wrong to break the news to your parents. I’m sorry you had that moment stolen from you. Although on the positive side it’s great that your MIL had a relationship with your mum and had her phone number.

After 23 years you need to let this go for your own well being. Your OP reads like a person with low self esteem. I hope your parents are still living. If they are, ask them to tell you what moments made them proud of you. You need the people around you to build you up.

Another one who is confused as to why a hospital would give out that information.

sure it wasn’t your dh rang them first?

tbh though if I were your parents I’d have pretended for your sake I didn’t know and made a big fuss.

You should have been furious with the hospital for giving out private medical information to a non relative.
But yes it was either extremely insensitive of her to A, think you wouldn’t want to tell them and B, to think your mum would want to hear it from your mil. Or she did it as a power play

Yanbu to be pissed off at the time.
Yabu to think about it 23 years later. Life is short. Let it go!

I wonder what other stunts she’s pulled over the years! This type of personality likes to be first and blow anyone else’s feelings.

What she did was beyond the pale, to take it upon herself to be the informant, no wonder this still rankles.

After reading this thread I realise I'm the odd one out but I don't think I told anyone about the birth of my kids, not in the days after it happened anyway. I was busy processing what had just happened to me and being with a new baby - I left their father and the grapevine to take care of everything else. It was before social media was prolific so to this day I wouldn't have a clue who found out from whom TBH.

I do get it, OP, my SIL told my best friend I was pregnant before I’d had a chance too and even now it pisses me off when I think about it. What I would say is I don’t think about it very much - I’d say your not BU with a tiny side dish of YBU 😉

My daughter is 17 btw.

HRTFT. Absolutely she was unreasonableif she dit it deliberately, but perhaps she isn't as bad as you think. I have 3 DC, one aged thirty and two not far from your DC's age. There's no way the hospital should have given out that information on the phone. My anger would have been directed at them.
Maybe because the the hospital told her (are you sure DH didn't ring her?), she assumed DM already knew. When my eldest was born a phone was wheeled straight in and we had mobiles by the time 2&3 came into the world. DH had told my DM within ten minutes of each birth, then MIL next. If the hospital told her, she could easily have assumed your DM knew. She could have simply been calling to congratulate your parents, not realising she was telling them.
I was in the delivery room for quite a long time after DC1 was born. My parents lived very close by and arrived quickly to visit. They saw DC in there. MIL arrived shortly afterwards but was told to wait until we were sent to the post-natal ward. She never saw my parents.
MIL was the reason the stereotype exists. My parents were the opposite. She made a point of telling me she knew she'd be the first GP to hold him, that she'd been ready to leave home to make sure she was. She said to me my parents couldn't be that bothered if they hadnt come to visit us straight away, especially as they lived sobclosy by. She was apoplectic when she found out DP had been and gone and that they'd been allowed into the delivery suite while she was waiting in a visitor's room.
My DF died before DC2&3 were born. That's a different level of sadness, knowing you can never tell them.

Do hospitals really give out birth announcements over the phone?

Do hospitals really give out birth announcements over the phone?

THIS!

Good God. You must’ve had a lovely, problem free existence if this is still bothering you after 23 years.

It can’t be good for your mental health to still be fretting over this non problem.

As I point out on all these posts, you’ll all be MILs one day and you’d better pray that your future DILs aren’t as petty and vengeful.

So I'm not a high achiever, never really done anything to make my parents proud.

I feel this is the much larger issue than anything your MiL did 23 years ago. And the fact that you're still stewing over it fully 2 decades on suggests you continue to feel this way about yourself, which is sad.

No

My mum did similar with my DS and stole our thunder. I’ve never forgotten it either. She has serious main character syndrome and hates it when someone else is getting the attention. It’s why don’t tell her anything anymore until I’ve told everyone else first. You have my sympathies. Sometimes these people need to be actively managed or they insert themselves into the centre of your lives.

The hospital was mostly at fault.
Are you sure your dh didn’t tell his dm?

After I gave birth, at 7.45pm I had to wait for a doctor to stitch me up and then dh and I sat quietly cuddling our newborn so by the time we rang family ( no mobiles this was 30 years ago) it was after 10pm. Mil told dh that he’d got them out of bed and he should have rung sooner. You can’t please some folk. 😂

Fine to be annoyed about that. It was your news to deliver and MIL had no right to phone, and definitely no right to ring your parents. But it’s time to let it go.

They probably did 23yrs ago. Probably just said delivered safely. Probably wouldn’t now.

I’m in the same camp. I didn’t tell anyone.

OP, it’s 23 years ago, let it go.

It is annoying but definitely time to forgive and forget. This might be more about your relationship with your parents than your MIL. Are you sure it wasn’t your DH who told your MIL, rather than the hospital?