MIL stole my thunder

[vivazeboo]

Ok so this was a very long time ago, so I'm in no way asking for judgment or what to do..I'd just like to hear your thoughts on it. So I'm not a high achiever, never really done anything to make my parents proud. The one thing that I was so excited about was to give them grandchildren (sad..maybe). So, when I got pregnant I was so excited to tell my mum...and that was all fine and she was so happy etc...scroll on 9 months and I had just given birth to my son, 12 hr labour, lost nearly 4 pts of blood but ecstatic that he was born and alive and fine..my next thought was that I couldnt wait to tell my mum and dad...I phoned them - only to be told they already knew because MIL had phoned the unit and found out first... while writing this I'm thinking that I was maybe being unreasonable in being so fucking annoyed about it... but it was MY THING to do....and she took it from me...I've never been able to let it go..that baby is 23 now ha!

I would be absolutely fuming. I get she was excited but how did she think you were feeling? Also I’m sure your Mum would have much preferred to hear the lovely news from you or your husband.

so non story then?

Your life must be very empty to still be thinking about this. I’d take that as a win.

I'd like to say I was surprised hopsital gave out details but then when DH was in hospital they were rushing to update IL and my parents and being really off with me - his wife trying to get house set up to deal with his short term moblity issues.

It got so bad at one point I was stood next to DH in bed and asked a question about moblity - and got told I'd have to ask the patient who piped up we are asking. The grabbed my Mum few days later to update - they'd given me a lift and popped in to say hi to him and grabbed her on way out.

MIl was with us when his much delayed operation happened and asked me if she could ring to find out how it went and it was actually it was a relief she wanted to - they didn't ask who she was just patient name and gave out his medical details.

Dmum thought they were off with me as I wasn't wearing a wedding ring - skin issues - - and was asked a few times was I sure we were married as he was and someone must have made assumptions that DH and I refering to each other as man and wife both confiming we were married to each other - and kids saying Mum and Dad having same address and even our parents using SIL and DIL as terms didn't shift.

Our families didn't know I was in labour - till DH rang and told them what we'd had - left that to him. They weren't doing childcare so why worry them till all over - or get bombarded with constat update demands - Dsis got that.

For us it's every pg annocuncement someone kicked off and been nasty - different person for different reasons but every one. I don't dwell on it and can smile about it but it's a patttern of pissing on our chips as it were fairly randomly - so we try and laugh about it and limit information and impact on us.

I feel like there’s a bit of a difference between your original post where you said “MIL phoned the unit and found out first” and you now saying your husband told her. I feel like your first post made it out like she’d been sneakily ringing the hospital and digging for info behind your back, whereas it turns out your husband just told her. Not that this excuses her then going on to inform your mum, but it is a bit of a different story now!

Just to be clearer, I think that mil actually spoke to DH when she phoned and he told her - so don't think hospital did anything wrong…sorry, should've said that in first place

Didn't see this update.

TBH this sounds like a DH and MIL issue - and frankly a your parents issue. Most parents I think would have just gushed at the news and not focused on who told them. My MIl can massively overstep but does compete as best GM - but even she wouldn't have taken this one up approach. Plus if DH knew this was a potential issue - why didn't he ring your parents or warn you MIl knew.

My parents got second call from DH - they've never mentioned me not telling them don't think they even remember TBH - they got to tell rest of the family so were happy enough.

My parents can be extremly negative - think it was Dmum upbring and personality (as see some of it in DD2 ) but they do try and do love us and make us feel valued.

She wildly overstepped.

It’s such an emotional, intimate thing, telling your parents something like that.

But I dare say your parents don’t love you or your children the less for it.

MIL being over-interfering and you feeling as you do about your parents recognition of you … are they ongoing?

Don't you have any sort of life? 23 years later and your still venting? Seriously ....

I understand that. We asked MIL to tell that side of the family when we had DS. Which she did, all fine. But one of the fuckers then posted it on social media, and tagged me in it, so by the time I was home from hospital and ready to tell certain close friends, then put an announcement up myself, everyone knew already.

What MIL had also been doing, was sharing details about the birth (also difficult and involving medical intervention) with everyone, which also got posted online (as in intimate, personal details which I would NOT have chosen to share with the world). I had no idea she even knew this information, ex DP had told her when he stepped out to call her. I can live with him telling her, he was stressed, worried and seeking reassurance, that I am fine with. Her sharing it with all and sundry, then them putting it on social media I was less than fine with.

We had said in advance we weren't posting pictures on SM at all, yet there were photos posted too, so everyone had also seen photos of DS with me in a state of semi indecency in the background.

I kept them all at arms length in terms of information from that point on. I was furious. When we had DD, MIL was on holiday, so none of them knew she'd been born for 4 days, as we didn't tell her until she got home.

I get how you feel. DS is 9 now, and it still bothers me, and likely still will when he's 23 too.