Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He took the condom off

88 replies

CallieMcNalleee · 29/07/2025 23:59

I had sex tonight. The person I had sex with had a condom on, and after we had finished I went to the toilet and he had clearly finished inside me without a condom. States he didn't realise it had come off. The way he said it though it was clear as day he was lying. I'm home now and just don't know what to do. I feel so pissed off and upset. Hadn't had sex in a year and could honestly scream right now.

OP posts:
girljulian · 30/07/2025 00:01

This is rape and you should report him. I'm so sorry.

TimeForTeaAndG · 30/07/2025 00:03

Stealthing, removing the condom without consent, is sexual assault.

I'd arrange for a full sti check-up and, if you can face it, report him. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

Original poster
CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:03

I don't even see the point in reporting him. It'll be a whole load of stress and interviews and agro essentially for nothing to happen. I just know that's the way it goes.

OP posts:
Shoemadlady · 30/07/2025 00:09

You need to go to your local STI clinic at the very least. He should be reported. Wonder how many other women he’s done this too??

BanditTheCat · 30/07/2025 00:09

CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:03

I don't even see the point in reporting him. It'll be a whole load of stress and interviews and agro essentially for nothing to happen. I just know that's the way it goes.

I’m sorry this happened to you OP, and it might feel like a lot of work, but this probably isn’t the first time this vile creature has done it, nor may it be the last. He will do it to someone else. I know it’s hard but please report it.

JustSawJohnny · 30/07/2025 00:09

CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:03

I don't even see the point in reporting him. It'll be a whole load of stress and interviews and agro essentially for nothing to happen. I just know that's the way it goes.

You need to let him know that what he has done is illegal and is rape.

I doubt very much that CPS would support a charge BUT reporting it means there is a record of the behaviour, should a future partner suffer the same fate with him.

It really wouldn't hurt to at least put in an online report, OP.

viques · 30/07/2025 00:09

I am so sorry this has happened to you, of course you are feeling angry and pissed off, but remember this is not your fault, you aren’t the person who has ignored social and legal barriers so cruelly.

It is worth reporting him, he has probably done this to other women before, and having it on record builds up a picture of his offending.

And remember to sort out MAP asap.

DoodleLug · 30/07/2025 00:09

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I had similar once but back when it was deemed my fault for not realising.

PP are right that what he's done is illegal and he should be reported, I think you are right that it'd be a huge hassle with no proof and nothing would come of it.

I really am sorry. Get checked out and try to move on ❤️

AmandaPomander · 30/07/2025 00:17

CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:03

I don't even see the point in reporting him. It'll be a whole load of stress and interviews and agro essentially for nothing to happen. I just know that's the way it goes.

Yes, it might be stressful to report him, and nothing might happen as a result, but importantly, reporting him might stop him doing the same thing to the next person. He might think twice about doing it again if he knows the police are aware of him. I hope you're ok.

Original poster
CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:21

I haven't the energy to do anything tonight but will come back to this in the morning once I've slept. Feel sick.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 30/07/2025 00:23

Do you need the MAP?

Original poster
CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:24

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 30/07/2025 00:23

Do you need the MAP?

The what?

OP posts:
Robin67 · 30/07/2025 00:24

I don't think this is going to be easy to prove. However reporting him might help build a profile if he does it again. It also might scare him into not doing it again to anyone else. Get an STI screen. Get morning after pill if you are of a fertile age/ health background.

Robin67 · 30/07/2025 00:25

CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:24

The what?

Show quote history

Morning after pill

Original poster
CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:25

Robin67 · 30/07/2025 00:25

Morning after pill

Show quote history

No thankfully have a coil

OP posts:
researchers3 · 30/07/2025 00:44

AmandaPomander · 30/07/2025 00:17

Yes, it might be stressful to report him, and nothing might happen as a result, but importantly, reporting him might stop him doing the same thing to the next person. He might think twice about doing it again if he knows the police are aware of him. I hope you're ok.

Show quote history

The OP really does not need any other things to be worrying about right now.

If this revolting specimen does this again then it's entirely on him, it's not the OP's responsibility.

Original poster
CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:47

researchers3 · 30/07/2025 00:44

The OP really does not need any other things to be worrying about right now.

If this revolting specimen does this again then it's entirely on him, it's not the OP's responsibility.

Show quote history

Thank you x

OP posts:
Bigcat25 · 30/07/2025 00:50

Don't know the terminolgy as not in the UK but if you reported him could it give him a Claire's Law or sarah's Law file? So sorry this happened OP.

FlamingoFloss · 30/07/2025 00:53

CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:03

I don't even see the point in reporting him. It'll be a whole load of stress and interviews and agro essentially for nothing to happen. I just know that's the way it goes.

So sorry this has happened. At the very least, send him (by text) that link to what Stealthing is. Hopefully that will make him never do anything like this again and will give him a shock.

sending a hug

JustSawJohnny · 30/07/2025 00:54

researchers3 · 30/07/2025 00:44

The OP really does not need any other things to be worrying about right now.

If this revolting specimen does this again then it's entirely on him, it's not the OP's responsibility.

Show quote history

I don't agree.

We all need to look out for each other.

She doesn't have to do anything right now, but the right thing to do would be to at least make on online report.

ThisChirpyFox · 30/07/2025 00:54

Did you know him before or was it a ons? If you have his number maybe text him when your heads a bit clearer and ask him why he did it? He might squirm his way out of it and lie but if he does apologise at least there's some sort of proof. I know it's a long shot. But if the police ask him he will be more defensive and guarded.

I hope you're okay. Get checked out tmrrw and take someone close to you and confide in them. x

Original poster
CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 01:02

I appreciate everyone's comments. I will make a decision on whether to report or not tomorrow. Would appreciate if people stopped mentioning it.

Rake crisis says this:

Whether or not you go to the police should always be your choice.
No-one should ever put pressure on you to speak to the police. And many people don't speak to the police for a range of different reasons.

So going to decide on my own, tomorrow

OP posts:
Bigcat25 · 30/07/2025 01:06

Sorry op, you're right about the reporting comments. Hope you can get some rest.

JustSawJohnny · 30/07/2025 01:09

Apologies OP, I assumed that as you were OK telling us what happened here that you would be able to report online.

Obviously that is 100% your choice, in the end.

I hope you manage to get some sleep.x.