The turning of the seasons- how can I make winter more bearable?

[HyggeLonging]

Posting here for traffic. I know I am being unreasonable because it’s still late July and I feel stupid posting now, but I struggle with mental health in winter.

I live alone and work from home. I love autumn leaves and spiced lattes in September and October, but November to February sent me into a dark place last year. I have no family nearby, so I don’t look forward to Christmas. I will look into signing up as a volunteer for Christmas Day so I’m not alone the whole day.

I tried SAD lamps years ago but they gave me worse migraines. I’ve had therapy. I want to change my mindset so I’m prepared. I have warm winter clothes, hot water bottles, a big duvet, fairy lights. I drank wine too often in the evenings last winter after work and have stopped drinking because I was putting on weight - sedentary job.

Not options - getting a dog, the lease won’t allow it. SSRIs because the weight gain will depress me more. Getting a job outside the home - I cannot drive due to chronic migraine. I work long hours to distract myself and so that I can afford to have the heating on.

Any ideas? Please be kind. I know it’s still summer.

Love this thread. I dread winter and yesterday felt very autumnal for the first time this year - it's very early for it and doesn't feel nice at all.

Do you have a garden? Something I've found very helpful is growing seeds through winter. I sow larkspur, snapdragons, sweet peas and a few other things in September/October, and tending to them gets me through the winter. You'd just need a plastic mini greenhouse or something to keep them protected.

If no garden, as others have said a pot of bulbs planted up in October/November will give you something to look forward to. The first signs of green peeking through is so uplifting.

Definitely get outside as much as possible. It's tempting to stay indoors, but our weather is rarely bad enough all day to mean you need to stay in.

And yes, echoing everyone else on the Vitamin D. If I forget I feel a difference within a couple of days when I start taking it again.

OP is it more than disliking winter and actual depression. I gently ask this as working until 9pm at night and barely leaving the house last winter, plus no Christmas decorations sounds like it is more than just the weather. Can you seek help from your GP?

I think it’s essential you leave the house daily. Find a local walk you like and ensure you do it daily.

look now for easy and nutritious meals you can cook.

review your work hours. How many hours per week do you work if working until 9pm. At what time do you start? Ensure you are not filling empty evenings with work as this is your time to exercise, rest, eat well etc

where are your friends in all of this? If you lack friends look on Facebook for local walking groups, book clubs etc which you can join and will give you social contact. It is not healthy to be alone so much and in your home alone so much. This may need a multi pronged approach

I have always celebrated the Winter Solstice and it’s a real turning point in the year. I miss the simple Christmases of the old days. I’m currently quite happy and planning for winter pleasures instead of dreading it it is healthy, I think.

@HyggeLonging I love your phrase “The turning of the seasons” maybe you should write poetry 😊

I feel your pain. I used to live in a village literally in the woods so autumn and winter were stunning (the log burner in the house helped)
Now I live in a 1930s bungalow that was built as a holiday home so it sucks in winter and we get damp really bad unless we keep our dehumidifiers running 24/7.
I dont have much advice but I used to find driving through the woods or countryside on sunny but cold days picks me up (looking at the beautiful colours of trees etc)

I used to hate winter as well and would get so down. I always make myself sign up to a class or volunteer to get me through. Last year I did spin class and yoga which got me out of the house 3-4x a week and I got to chat to others.

Other suggestions:

Join a crafts club
Train for something I.e. a 10k, half marathon
Book a holiday abroad
Visit a new city each weekend (Oxford, York, Bath, Edinburgh etc)
GoodGym
Volunteer locally
Start baking - sourdough??
Upcycle some furniture or decorate a room
Paint/colour/draw stuff
Long walks with pub stops
Join a walking club
Attend local events/festivals

Teach yourself to crochet, Bella Coco on YouTube is great, then look for knit and natter groups in your area, most of them are in libraries or craft shops and make items for charity. You can continue the hobby at home too.

I agree about a holiday, or what about a Christmas cruise? You could start a book club in your house, again ask at your local library if you can put up an advert or put something on social media.

Beth Kempton does the most fantastic podcast called Calm Christmas. Think it starts in November. It has journalling prompts and I am not joking when I say that it gets me through the Christmas period without having a nervous breakdown. Worth looking out for OP.

Just following - great ideas here and real empathy from many.

id add, hang out with kids - they are amazingly entertaining. Volunteer to hear them read at school? Babysit a neighbours toddler?

my mum changes her house summer and winter - winter curtains, different duvets.

I hate the dark nights too. I started recording when it gets light again and that's really helped. Now I know that by blue Monday in Jan it's not totally dark at 5 and by mid Feb it's still light at 6.

It can be reviewed next March. The rules are strict for a good reason. I lose all feeling in my left side and can’t judge distances such as between my car and the kerb.

Yes, I can't drive for the same reason. It sucks, but it is what it is.

I have nothing to add because I love winter, but I hope you find an enjoyable way through. Some great ideas here :)

Oh, actually, one thing I always do in winter is pick a book that is part of a longish series, and work my way through. If you enjoy reading, doing this is a really good way to get through those particularly long, hard nights.

I find spooky stories the best at that time of year but anything that you enjoy is good.

I think you need the opposite of blankets and fairy lights. I think you need to get outside and get the blood pumping a bit. Every day. Regardless of the weather. Brisk walk, rain or shine.

Can you join a gym? You’ll have all the benefits of exercise plus it’s something to do in the evenings.

I would also make a point of getting out and speaking to someone every day. Even if it’s only a chat over a transaction in a shop.

I really feel you op, I feel the same. But when I force myself to do these things, I feel better and winter is bearable.

oh and take a vitamin D supplement

I feel the same as you OP and this is great advice.

I am working really hard now so winter is better and am

• Upping my exercise. In winter I will aim to do a short session before work some days and a walk at lunchtime every day. Getting out and about every day really helps physically and mentally
• Keep on top of vitamins. See if the docs will do bloods so you can keep an eye on key things. Obvious ones are iron, B12 and D3. A general (good quality) multi vitamin should work wonders.
• Have things planned so you can seize the day on the lovely sunny crisp days, walks at local gardens, trips to the seaside etc...
• We are built to put on weight during the winter so I'm not scared to eat higher fat stodgier food but am working on healthier eating habits and emotional eating (and cutting back booze massively which you have already mentioned)
• Working on sleep hygiene, having triggers to go to bed (side lamp turning off at a certain time) and not using my phone in the evening
• Social stuff I haven't worked on but I volunteered during covid and it saved my mental health so would recommend. Also maybe a hobby so you can meet people and have something to do
• Trying to sort my house so it is decluttered and able to be cosy without stress

I struggle with this, but read about hygge and really tried to embrace winter last year. And I did feel significantly better.

Try to celebrate the winter solstice in some way, as it's a reminder that the days are beginning to get longer again.

Find things that you don't do in the summer - for me it's reading, doing jigsaw puzzles, crochet, hot chocolate, binge-watching TV, cooking,going to bed early with the electric blanket on etc. Try to see it as a time to do these things, rather than mourning the warm weather. Good luck, it's not easy but is achievable

Take some time now and make lists of:

general pick-me-up very short term solutions to feeling down
things you want to learn
realistic weekend trips you could do
new food to make

Keep them in folders on your computer and add to them as and when. So for example, I have a list of all the things I enjoy looking at or doing, for when I am depressed and can't think. I check the list and so don't have to be thinking from scratch when my brain is foggy.

Things I want to learn is stuff like how to use Garage Band, knit a sweater maybe (seems like a lot of time though), learn a bit of Spanish for travel, hand sew a t-shirt. Yours will probably be very different!

A friend of mine has a folder full of researched trips so that she can still make the most of a weekend of plans fall through: accommodation, costings, walks that she can do from there. I haven't done this yet but am planning to.

Food is an obvious one: for me it's going through old cookbooks and making the recipes that caught my eye years ago but I never got around to doing.

All this with the aim of keeping your winter head above water and not having to do too much thinking at a time when that's quite hard. Just gently doing.

If you can’t get a dog, could you sign up for www.borrowmydoggy.com?

Great advice here - I struggle with this too, so thank you for the thread OP. Just a couple more recommendations:

The book Wintering by Katherine May is wonderful and comforting.

Morocco in Jan/Feb - I've done this for the last two years and it's a game changer. You can fly to Agadir for about £70 return and then transfer to Taghazout on the coast which is full of cheap surf schools, yoga retreats and hiking tours, plus all the heat and colour of Morocco - an amazing antidote to a grey UK winter.

Thiis might sound a bit naff but I focus a lot on nature in the different seasons.

The way it smells different, looks different, the way animals respond to the changing seasons. The lengthening and shortening days... basically I try to work with the seasons rather than 'against' them. If that makes sense.

I hibernate during the coldest winter months - focus on self care, plan for the following year, set myself goals. I allow myself candles and films and don't feel under any pressure to do anything else.

I'm not big on Christmas - not much family and a lot of historical family trauma but I enjoy it vicariously. I hate Christmas shopping and trudging around the shops so I do the little I have to online but, without the pressure, I enjoy the melancholy isolation of wandering around the city surrounding by the bustle of people laughing, families doing things together and the lights and the noise but not really feeling part of it.

I go to Christmas markets, candlelit concerts and for walks in the park.

There's a park about 10 miles away from me that has old fashioned streetlamps and, when it snows, I go there and imagine it's Narnia.

Basically, all the crap that comes with it, I minimise and deal with because of the practicalities and I have to.

The rest of the time, I find the magic and the joy. I try to do that all year long because life's pretty routine and dull at times. But there's always 'magic' if you look for it. And I do.

I have my first cup of tea in the morning in the garden. Every day and all year round. If it's torrential rain and I really can't face it, I sit at the bedroom window and watch it. I find that really grounding and uplifting. It starts the day in peace and really determines my mindset for the day.

Try to celebrate the winter solstice in some way, as it's a reminder that the days are beginning to get longer again.

Yep.

Can you make time to go to the gym? I think it’s beneficial to get out especially you spend the majority of time alone. Social interactions are important. If the gym isn’t appealing, consider finding a hobby or activity to engage your mind after work. Keeping a record, such as journaling or vlogging, can help you stay connected to the present and reflect on the future.

I have a holiday in either January or February, and as it is usually in France or the Netherlands, find the extra hour in the afternoon of daylight really helps, in addition to having something to look forward to.

Getting out of the house in daylight as you suggest I am sure will help.

Putting clocks back in winter is a practice that should be consigned to history.

It's grim isn't it? Definitely book a January holiday if you can. By the time you get back the nights will be getting noticeably lighter and you'll have hope. Thailand is great in January.

Aside from that I really just focus on getting to spring. Work on fitness and skincare to be at your best ready to enjoy the good times. And watch TV or films set in sunnier climates for the illusion of sun in your life.

Can I just say what a lovely uplifting thread this has been. So many thoughtful, kind, practical suggestions. All the best for this coming winter @HyggeLonging