The turning of the seasons- how can I make winter more bearable?

[HyggeLonging]

Posting here for traffic. I know I am being unreasonable because it’s still late July and I feel stupid posting now, but I struggle with mental health in winter.

I live alone and work from home. I love autumn leaves and spiced lattes in September and October, but November to February sent me into a dark place last year. I have no family nearby, so I don’t look forward to Christmas. I will look into signing up as a volunteer for Christmas Day so I’m not alone the whole day.

I tried SAD lamps years ago but they gave me worse migraines. I’ve had therapy. I want to change my mindset so I’m prepared. I have warm winter clothes, hot water bottles, a big duvet, fairy lights. I drank wine too often in the evenings last winter after work and have stopped drinking because I was putting on weight - sedentary job.

Not options - getting a dog, the lease won’t allow it. SSRIs because the weight gain will depress me more. Getting a job outside the home - I cannot drive due to chronic migraine. I work long hours to distract myself and so that I can afford to have the heating on.

Any ideas? Please be kind. I know it’s still summer.

I would strongly suggest therapy - it sounds like you need it if you’re dwelling on this now.

Don’t assume all SSRIs are the same either; I didn’t gain weight on sertraline.

Taking up exercise- a weekly swim, daily walk etc will help massively. Get out of the house every day.

The plus side of wfh is that you can still go outside and catch some sunlight. When I was office based I resented the fact that the only hour of natural light I got was my lunchbreak. I'd leave home in the dark and return home in the dark.

I can help, I'm sorry you feel this way. I live in the mountains in Norway and our winters are very long and very dark. August is autumn here and between October and February it doesn't get too light in the day and when it does its from about 11am and getting dark by 2.30 pm.

DH uses a light therapy lamp as part of his long term treatment. For it to be efficient and work properly, it needs to be started before winter. For the UK, around the start of August, 7 - 10 mins after day.

Omega 3 was recommended to us, everyone takes it here. If you visit the GP, one of the first things they ask is if you are taking omega 3 or Tran.

Hygge or kos here is one of my favourite things. We really lean into it. It sounds daft, but i have different cushions, rugs, candles etc that i get out for autumn and then winter. It makes things feel new, cosy and almost like a nesting feeling. Also thick, proper knitted wool socks. I love putting these on at home in winter! And cosy winter home clothes.

We get out every day and especially at the weekend, whether it's raining or minus 25. Good outdoor gear and get outside. We try and have Sundays in autumn and winter where we get out in the morning and then have a board game and Sunday lunch in the afternoon. I try and keep the Sunday lunch tradition with yorkshire puddings so my children have a little tradition/ culture from the UK. Sundays in autumn/ winter is when we make a dessert as well. That's become a really nice thing we look forward too.

A big part of dealing with it though is addressing social isolation. Is it possible for you to see if there are any clubs/ teams/ societies you could join?

I can emphasise a little with, I feel the same but at a different time of the year. After Easter once the snow melts and the nights no longer are dark, I really struggle. My sport stops (snowboarding) and my sleep is also poor in summer. I think, only 3 months until August!

My tricky time is November and December. It’s hectic but the weather is usually awful. I usually like the calm Jan/Feb bring.

I think this point in the year your eyes do start looking towards the winter as you can feel the change in the season.

Sorry you feel this way 😔 I think it can be difficult if you live alone and wfh, especially in winter when it's cold and dark.

Lots of good suggestions already.

Is there for library nearby where you could pitch up and work for a bit? Maybe for the mornings or afternoons? If possible, it may be worth taking public transport to one. Just thinking that would help to get you out of the house each day, you would see other people and it would be a change of scenery? There are some really lovely libraries too!

Or, if you can afford it, could you go to a cafe once a week to work while you have a coffee/cake or lunch?

I struggle with November, January, February (and hope for a decent spring like this year's) December is more managable as it's busy and purposeful with Christmas and livened up by the lights.

I've bought some flower garlands and woven some battery fairy lights through them. I have a harvesty one for the autumn months, and a blossomy one for the spring months. They fill the hole around the Christmas decorations.

Getting outside is good for body and mind. You've got your lunchtime so can get daylight in the middle of the day. If you can also get out for a short walk in the morning, that's good for your circadian rhythm. Any exercise is good, but pushing outdoors has most benefits.

A project helps. For a few years I did Run Every Day January which did help shove me out on the grottiest days. In recent years I've run a February half marathon so have a training focus. It doesn't have to be running, any project is good!

Trying to live with the seasons such as seasonal food helps. It chunks the year up better.

In autumn 2020, suspecting that the coming winter was going to be shittier than a dung heap at a sewerage works, I bought some pots, compost, bulbs and winter bedding and planted up my little pots of hope. There was the immediate colour then the progression of snowdrops, crocuses and narcissi which got me through to the spring.

After Christmas, there's a lot of subtlty in nature as the leaf buds gradually develop for the spring.

I can find dull days hard at this stage of summer because the foliage is quite heavy, and nature's in a lull between rounds of blooms and fruits ripening. I find there's more natural energy to September and October than late July/ August. I still like the warmth though. Not having to layer with socks, shoes and coats makes life simpler.

Cam you do some gym classes? Getting into a brightly-lit, loud, energetic space might help? I go to the gym every day that I wfh (I'm hybrid). Or does your health condition not allow it?

In winter, I like:

• candles
• baking (make your own mince pies - wherever you volunteer will adore you if you turn up with a fresh batch of 24)
• hard work in the garden on bright dry days - being out in fresh air is wonderful, and the hard work of clearing leaves and debris or digging the vegetable patch leaves you feeling invigorated
• planning my vegetable garden
• getting through my reading list
• contacting old friends
• listening to beautiful music

Can you pack in a lot of days out on the weekends doing fun things, really cram it in and keep super busy so when the colder months come you are glad for the rest and staying in?

I personally love autumn and winter more than spring and summer, I do allllll the good stuff and romantise the hell out of it. Lots of good ideas on tick-tock and insta.

I was going to suggest that too.
A break to somewhere like the Canaries for a bit of winter sunshine.
It will also give you something to look forward to.
I too dislike winter, those dark days of late October through to February.
How did our ancestors do it without the comforts we have !
The cold and damp and no doubt hunger too as food would have been scarce.
They were made of strong stuff. I salute them.

I can’t work from another site because my work calls are confidential, but there is a coffee shop in a nature spot nearby for lunchtimes. I just need to create a lunchtime. For many years I worked in a high pressure environment where eating lunch was seen as not being a team player. My mindset needs to change and I need to take more breaks and force myself out of the house.

Genuine question - is it feasible for you to emigrate to Australia? You'd never be short of sunshine. Could be life changing for you!

Therapy to help with the feelings of isolation caused by your chronic migraine.

Join a pilates or yoga class, exercise is good for mental health but so is social contact, a class will provide both. I suffer badly in the winter, last winter I got very low. Im planning to up my exercise, find a walking group, and find some voluneer work.

I think I’ve used my quota of NHS therapy. I have phoned the migraine helpline for advice, very helpful about medication. I’d rather use the money for paid therapy to save for a winter sun holiday or take short breaks in the UK for a change of scenery. Thanks though - few people take migraine seriously.

That’s pretty much what I was about to post.

the thing with dancing or a lively online exercise class is they make you feel good because of the hormones that get released when you’re moving energetically. That good feeling helps make me want to go outside and once I’m there I actually enjoy being buffeted by the wind or my cheeks feeling so cold. Even walking in the rain. Appropriate clothing essential of course.

All the cosy stuff is comfort, sort of compensating for the weather. For me creating more energy means I enjoy winter more for what it is rather than hunkering down and insulating against it till spring.

Yes I must say, I’m in Sydney and although winter is COLD, it’s also very pleasantly short and you never get the really short days and weeks of rain.

Maybe you are actually working a bit too much? Everyone needs a bit of down time.
Buy a pair of walking boots and a warm waterproof coat and some waterproof trousers and walk outside every day. If you have the right clothing you can handle any weather. Honestly you never regret going for a walk! Coming back in abd warming up with a hot drink is nice too.
Try and do something social every week as well like a book club or go to the cinema. Look at what's on in your local theatre in Jan/Feb and book a show something to look forward to.

Plant a pot of snowdrops and crocuses and early dwarf daffodils and put it outside your front door.
Watching them come up and flower brings promise and hope.

Last winter was so cold and long and miserable that I promised myself a winter sun holiday this time around (Jan or Feb, probably in the Canaries). Could you do this, OP, and have something to look forward to?

Getting out for a walk every day is a good call and I love the idea of walking someone else's dog (either through an organisation or just someone you know).

Could you get a pair of really gorgeous boots that bring you joy every time you wear them, and make them part of your ritual of going out? I find that dressing up a bit, not in "a costume" but just making an effort to wear something interesting, can make even a fairly boring winter walk feel a bit more special. Also try taking a camera out with you and taking some photos of what you see on your walks, either things relating to the changing seasons or just funny/nice little sights like an abandoned shoe, a cat asleep on a wall, your perfect cup of coffee, etc. You could document the nicer moments of your whole winter and then you'll have it to refer to when you think you're dreading the next winter.

Inside the house, surround yourself with things that give you pleasure. A bunch of flowers (or it could be an arrangement of dried seed pods at that time of year if you don't like the idea of flying in flowers), a bowl of your favourite fruits, a notice board with a frequently changing display of pictures and words that have caught your eye recently. Having migraine probably means scented candles/oils won't work for you but if you have any dry days when you can dry washing outside, even the smell of fresh line-dried cotton can be very uplifting and summery.

I love the thought of volunteering on Christmas Day (I'd actually like to do that one day even though I don't live alone) but maybe you could do it now and again throughout the whole winter as opposed to just one day. Since you have a job, you might not have a huge amount of time to spare but even one afternoon might help both you and the people you're volunteering for/with in different ways.

Lots of PP are suggesting a trip to a sunny destination. My suggestion would also be to take advantage of the winter to visit a touristic place that is normally overcrowded during high season (like Venice or Bruges...) I visited the Mont St Michel in january, it was lovely, especially as there were so few tourists.

All the cosy stuff is comfort, sort of compensating for the weather. For me creating more energy means I enjoy winter more for what it is rather than hunkering down and insulating against it till spring.

This is also my line of thinking. All this hygge stuff, candles, cosy throws etc is a way of 'giving-in' to the darkness and dreariness of winter and would make me feel miserable! I'm now retired, live alone and fortunately don't suffer from SAD or isolation but like most people get a bit fed-up when the weather is bad and it's dark mid-afternoon. I would echo the various advice upthread about getting out for a lunch time walk, having an activity or commitment to meet a friend that requires you to physically go somewhere at least a few times a week.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable on yourself by thinking about winter so far ahead - IMO that will just prolong your unhappiness. Deal with winter when it comes!

You must be joking.

That's not how Australia works: it's a continent as well as a country.
Melbourne winter has been cold and sunny as heck and so lovely. The winter my husband died it was wall-to-wall cloud - like being in parts of the UK.

Coming here for the weather is really not a good idea.

Are there any local hobby groups or classes that you would be interested in joining? Volunteering can feel a bit too much like work, when it sounds like you already have a full on job, whereas if you could find a new skill to learn it might feel a bit less like work and you would still get the social benefit.