To be depressed about my financial situation compared to my neighbors

[greenwithenvy2]

My neighbor is about 59 years old and her husband is 63. She works for the local council as a HR coordinator and her husband, who is now retired, was a finance clerk for the local council.

They have a property portfolio worth around £2.4m (£1m mortgages) so approx £1.4m in property assets. They started their business in the early 90s, when they purchased their first property. They moved home, renting out their original house and repeated this again. With the increase in house prices they were able to remortgage their BTL and buy more property.

We are in our late 30s and are in a very privileged position - we earn a decent wage between us (£140k) and are able investment into our ISA each month but we will never able to have £1.4m in property investment.

I felt so bitter listening to her. They were able to provide gifts for their children to buy their houses and they have now set up companies so their children will inherit their wealth.

I get we are fortunate, but we'll never be able to do this for our children. They achieved this on fairly middling wages as well. I know there are a few other neighbors on our street who've managed this feat and now their kids are sitting pretty.

I felt disgusted at her and at myself for feeling this way.

Prior to the crash and mortgage regulations, pre 08

I really don't get this obsession with trying to create vast amounts of wealth to give to the children.

Because many people need help to get on the ladder and then it's harder for the ones who don't have help.

In the words of Sheryl Crow “It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got”

@oliverreed exactly

I am a similar age to your neighbour. While you are feeling sorry for yourself, here are some of the uglier features of the 1970s that we lived through in the UK as teenagers, not knowing that property would appreciate in value during our adult years nor that borrowing would become cheap once we hit middle age: the backdrop of the Cold War and the attendant threat of nuclear war; IRA bomb attacks on the mainland; corporal punishment in schools; widespread and overt racism and sexism; inflation at 20%; single women unable to borrow for a mortgage; a narrow range of career options open to women; terror of teenage pregnancy; most houses without central heating; shops closed on Sunday; and frequent industrial action leading to power outages.

It's telling that you describe £140,000 a year as merely 'decent'. It's nearly six times the minimum wage and puts you in the top 5% of households based on income. If money is what matters to you, you could think about riskier investments than an ISA. Oh, and children have no right to expect financial support from their parents once they're grown up. Nigella Lawson said years ago she wasn't leaving her money to her children as they need to work things out for themselves.

You're bitter because she was born 20 years before you? You'll have the last laugh because the chances are she'll die 20 years before you!

But come on! There are loads of things that could account for her better financial situation

• maybe they inherited some money
• maybe they got better qualifications that opened up better opportunities
• Maybe they worked harder
• maybe they made bigger sacrifices early in their lives
• maybe they made wiser investment decisions
• maybe they spent less on themselves

The world is unfair. You're on good money for the UK, which is one of the richest countries in the world, with one of the highest standards of living. Imagine you lived on the breadline in Bangladesh, or Zimbabwe, or Venezuela, or (God forbid) Gaza.

You're one of the luckiest people in the world. See if you can, for your own happiness, squeeze a little bit of perspective into your view of the world

@greenwithenvy2 We are in our late 30s and are in a very privileged position - we earn a decent wage between us (£140k)

I think it's disgusting that you would make a thread like this given that you and your partner are on a colossal salary combined.

To be honest, I'm inclined to say that this is a troll thread.

This.

OP I feel like your neighbour might be part of problem. Not sure why they tell you all this information, other than to show off and try to make other feel inferior. It’s not like your best friends.

It’s ok to feel jealous, I feel sitting with your emotions, working out why it triggers you and then stepping back from the neighbour might be the best case scenario.

@Hatty65 my in-laws bought in Hackney in the 80s on one teachers salary. My parents bought in London on one salary, parts were very different then.

Oh great, another thread targeting boomers. Ageism seems to be everywhere on Mumsnet, with constant jabs at people over 50. I get it, some think boomers are wealthy vampires draining the younger generation, completely ignoring those who made poor choices and now struggle in their later years. And then there's the irony of people hating high earners while still expecting their money to fund state benefits—it all just feels a bit hypocritical.

I'll channel my inner Xenia here and say, if you're unhappy with your finances, you should have picked highly paid careers when you were a teenager. The internet has been around for over thirty years. I just checked, and for some, it's been over forty years.

Even worse! You chose to find out.

There's nothing to stop you doing the same and making good gains over a twenty-year period.

There won't be the same gains in 20 yrs today as there was in the past. Surely that's obvious?

Comparison is the thief of joy and you are comparing with people alot older who could take advantage of an easier and cheaper time to buy housing and then enjoy the price rises from that.

If you were penniless or living hand to mouth it may be more understandable to see their wealth and feel envious but you're in a privileged position too, just not AS privileged. It would be lovely to smooth the way for our children financially and I get that you want to give your children the world too, don't we all! But don't let what your neighbours have sour what you have.

Envy is a very unattractive trait…….in anyone

YANBU. The boomer generation doesn’t know they were born. Of course they rarely admit it, but their unearned wealth growth (ie from house price inflation) is pretty galling.

I mean boomers are the wealthiest generation as a whole, so have had access and opportunity to build more wealth and generally speaking more buying power than millennials. Millennials are also often the kids of boomers so it is easy to look at what your parents were able to afford, despite lesser qualifications and then look at what you can afford (especially after having had kids) and feel disappointed

Go and tell that to a nurse using a foodbank...

My thoughts exactly
There will be plenty of people who will be equally envious of you
Enjoy your privileged position

It should be obvious but those that have benefited from the house price boom don’t want to admit it, they want to pretend they deserve the lucky hand they’ve been dealt.

This. And stalking your neighbour on company's house is just plain weird. You need to get a hobby, a life and maybe a bit of perspective. And with that salary you'll be doing just fine when you're the same age as your neighbour.

This

I bought mine when banks were handing out mortgages like Smarties and was able to self cert. Those were the days…

Well at least you have acknowledged that things were different

They weren’t necessarily smart. It was all there for the taking and even ordinary people could take advantage in the 80’ and 90’s. Remember there was roughly a ratio of the average house price being 3 x single salary. I was earning around £22k in 1997 and my first house was £75k (admittedly in a then ungentrified part of London). The couple I bought off were art teachers - they moved up to a house in Eadt Dulwich for £160K. That house would easily be about £1.2 million plus now, if not a lot more.

I'll channel my inner Xenia here and say, if you're unhappy with your finances, you should have picked highly paid careers when you were a teenager. The internet has been around for over thirty years. I just checked, and for some, it's been over forty years.

I'm 40 & did not have the internet as a dc!