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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you think to this? Is it selfish?

111 replies

Curlytwirly1 · 29/07/2025 16:22

If you knew that a single parent took a DC with active chicken pox to a shop? If they couldn’t get a delivery slot, and had no one to drop food off but fridge/cupboards empty.

OP posts:
sorrynotathome · 29/07/2025 17:52

You can't catch chicken pox by being in the same shop.

DinoLil · 29/07/2025 17:54

I remember when I was 5yrs old with chicken pox, off school and DM had to collect DSis from playgroup. She parked me in the playground next door and no one died.

LostGhost · 29/07/2025 17:55

Spin this around.

You take your perfectly healthy 5 year old into a shop only for someone else to have taken their sick contagious child into the store, would you be happy if your son got ill from that?

Dillydollydingdong · 29/07/2025 17:56

No, not selfish. Everyone gets chicken pox at some stage.

NewbieYou · 29/07/2025 17:56

Tbh I’d think you didn’t have much choice but I wouldn’t like it. As an adult I had to have the vaccine because I never had it as a kid, if I’d contracted it I’d be much more unwell than your child.

As a neighbour I’d also happily go for you if you asked.

NewbieYou · 29/07/2025 17:57

Dillydollydingdong · 29/07/2025 17:56

No, not selfish. Everyone gets chicken pox at some stage.

This is untrue. I’m 30 and have never had it. I was tested when I went on immunosuppressants and had 0 antibodies for it. So no not everyone gets it.

MrBallenIsaFittie · 29/07/2025 18:01

Mrsttcno1 · 29/07/2025 17:50

You might not be too worried about him getting ill but lots of other people do actually care about and want to protect the vulnerable people.

Show quote history

Which is fine but what about things like work? If you can't work from home and don't get sick pay you are screwed, I care more about feeding my children and keeping a roof over their heads than some mystery vulnerable person. My husband feels the same and he has been very much 'crack on with life' about things. Our thinking being that he was vulnerable before covid but because there wasn't mass hysteria about illness he made the best decisions he could based on the risk of him getting ill. He certainly didn't begrudge his colleagues coming into work with a cold because he knew they would lose pay if they didn't.
I do think a lot (not all) of mumsnetters live in a very middle class bubble which includes being financially comfortable enough to be off sick (and probably get sick pay) and have no idea what it is like to fear being to ill to go to work.
If you are vulnerable then surely it is on you to protect yourself as much as possible rather than expect the vast majority of the population to tip toe around you.

YouWillFindMeInTheGarden · 29/07/2025 18:02

I’m guessing you’ve already been out anyway?

Fifthtimelucky · 29/07/2025 18:03

DinoLil · 29/07/2025 17:54

I remember when I was 5yrs old with chicken pox, off school and DM had to collect DSis from playgroup. She parked me in the playground next door and no one died.

Probably not.

However a friend of mine caught it as an adult when she was pregnant and unfortunately miscarried as a result.

HotTiredDog · 29/07/2025 18:26

As a chronically very unwell person, I’d say that this level of deliberate ignorance of other people’s needs is unacceptable.

Whatsthestoryo · 29/07/2025 18:26

MrBallenIsaFittie · 29/07/2025 18:01

Which is fine but what about things like work? If you can't work from home and don't get sick pay you are screwed, I care more about feeding my children and keeping a roof over their heads than some mystery vulnerable person. My husband feels the same and he has been very much 'crack on with life' about things. Our thinking being that he was vulnerable before covid but because there wasn't mass hysteria about illness he made the best decisions he could based on the risk of him getting ill. He certainly didn't begrudge his colleagues coming into work with a cold because he knew they would lose pay if they didn't.
I do think a lot (not all) of mumsnetters live in a very middle class bubble which includes being financially comfortable enough to be off sick (and probably get sick pay) and have no idea what it is like to fear being to ill to go to work.
If you are vulnerable then surely it is on you to protect yourself as much as possible rather than expect the vast majority of the population to tip toe around you.

Show quote history

But she can feed her child. Just not with as nice of food as she'd like. On this one occassion. That would put other people at risk Hmm

Jumpthewaves · 29/07/2025 18:28

Mrsttcno1 · 29/07/2025 16:25

You don’t need a delivery slot at a supermarket to get food thanks to Uber, Amazon etc in most places you could get the basics from a corner shop via Uber so yeah, it’s selfish.

There’s not a chance in 2025 she had absolutely no choice but to go into a shop!

Lots of these don't exist in my area and were only semi-rural so I imagine its similar for others. We can get normal supermarket slots, but usually at least three days in advance.

Cantgetausername87 · 29/07/2025 18:30

I really don't think it's the worse thing unless she was coming into close contact with people (seems unlikely if nipping to the shop!)

youalright · 29/07/2025 18:38

It always amazes me people have no food in their house. Like freezer completely empty fridge and cupboards empty. How does that even happen surely you shop well before it gets to this point are people just running empty fridges and freezers.

Cucy · 30/07/2025 05:01

youalright · 29/07/2025 18:38

It always amazes me people have no food in their house. Like freezer completely empty fridge and cupboards empty. How does that even happen surely you shop well before it gets to this point are people just running empty fridges and freezers.

Most people have to wait until they get paid before they can do another shop to restock the cupboards and fridge etc.

Glitchymn1 · 30/07/2025 05:14

MrBallenIsaFittie · 29/07/2025 18:01

Which is fine but what about things like work? If you can't work from home and don't get sick pay you are screwed, I care more about feeding my children and keeping a roof over their heads than some mystery vulnerable person. My husband feels the same and he has been very much 'crack on with life' about things. Our thinking being that he was vulnerable before covid but because there wasn't mass hysteria about illness he made the best decisions he could based on the risk of him getting ill. He certainly didn't begrudge his colleagues coming into work with a cold because he knew they would lose pay if they didn't.
I do think a lot (not all) of mumsnetters live in a very middle class bubble which includes being financially comfortable enough to be off sick (and probably get sick pay) and have no idea what it is like to fear being to ill to go to work.
If you are vulnerable then surely it is on you to protect yourself as much as possible rather than expect the vast majority of the population to tip toe around you.

Show quote history

But it’s not a cold. Who is going to work with chicken pox? You’d be sent home where I work- no excuses!

Zanatdy · 30/07/2025 05:17

sure some supermarket or uber eats etc can deliver, or are you so rural not possible? I’d keep DC at home, no friends whose DC have had chicken pox who can help?

NeedZzzzzssss · 30/07/2025 05:17

Incredibly selfish, of course if you wanted to you'd find a way or not go. Oh well karma on you now.

Eenameenadeeka · 30/07/2025 07:26

Really really selfish and a horrible thing to do. You don't know who you might pass it onto, and who they might pass it onto, it can be really dangerous for some people and you don't know that you don't pass it on to a newborn baby or a pregnant mum. Selfish.

Shoxfordian · 30/07/2025 07:28

Its not ideal really but if you have to then you have to.

autienotnaughty · 30/07/2025 07:31

Do you have a friend you could ask to baby sit.? I’d nip to local shop and leave her in car to grab 2/3 items (if its a quiet safe area)
then book a big shop in for tomorrow

youalright · 30/07/2025 07:36

Cucy · 30/07/2025 05:01

Most people have to wait until they get paid before they can do another shop to restock the cupboards and fridge etc.

Show quote history

But how have they eaten every piece of food before the next shop we shop weekly and their is still food left when we go shopping. How can the fridge, freezer, and cupboards all be bare like no butter, cheese left no pasta, tins of soup or beans. No freezer stuff. I just couldnt imagine the day before I went shopping saying to the kids we have 1 pea left so you have to share it

Ademasstudio · 30/07/2025 09:03

Doesn’t look like the OP even has one pea they can share

it’s obviously hyperbole she has nothing in

and it’s obviously hyperbole that “no delivery slots” at one single place

hop in car with CP child, drive to a garage, jump out

PurpleThistle7 · 30/07/2025 09:07

youalright · 29/07/2025 18:38

It always amazes me people have no food in their house. Like freezer completely empty fridge and cupboards empty. How does that even happen surely you shop well before it gets to this point are people just running empty fridges and freezers.

You are a very lucky person. I have loads of food around all the time (it's actually a bit of a problem and I have to stop myself stocking up to a ridiculous point), but I can absolutely picture a scenario of someone on a low income who just buys what they can and then eats it.

PurpleThistle7 · 30/07/2025 09:08

To answer the OP - yes, I think this is terribly selfish. I'd look for every other option possible and then park the car somewhere I could see to run into a corner shop for what I need for today, getting a shop in tomorrow as you said is possible. You just need a few bits for one night.