To wish I’d said something to this charity shop worker?

[lostalil]

I was in a charity shop today with stepson aged 5. We spent about 10 minutes looking in the children’s section at books then wandered round to the clothing. He wasn’t being a nuisance at all, I’m genuinely the first to pull him up on any misbehaviour or cheekiness.

He’d sat on a dinner style chair, not one for sale, and I looked down for about ten seconds at a clothes rail but he was still in my line of sight. The till was behind me and I glanced back to see the shop assistant giving him daggers, a real dirty look. Glanced back and DSS is just sat on the chair. I walked over to the lady working and the conversation went like this:

Me: Is everything alright?
Her: What’s the matter?
Me: I’m asking if you are alright?

She’s just glaring at me, giving me daggers.

I ended up just walking out, I’ve encountered her before whilst shopping alone and she’d been very abrupt with me at the till to the point I come home and complained to DP. I was expecting her to tell me what he’d done.

I hadn’t let him run riot, he was about a metre in front of me but I’d taken my eyes off him to glance down for no more than 10 seconds.

I heard another assistant turning away a donation, saying they’ve just got no one buying at the moment and they’re overrun with stock. I don’t really feel like returning either to be honest.

Was I unreasonable or was she?

Ah…. So there’s history between the two of you!

I don’t really feel like returning either to be honest

for the best

You should've simply said more at the time.

It's all easily resolved - just don't go back there again.

Tbh I always look like I'm scowling at people, even when I'm simply indifferent.

Just don't go back there, you clearly don't like her, or the shop given the additional, pointless, information you gave about refusing a donation.

Maybe you should have just been more direct and asked her why she was looking at you like that

I love the shop🤣I’m in there all the time because it’s a 5 minute walk away. I’ve only seen her in there twice, the other staff are lovely.

I often get asked why I'm frowning at someone. I'm usually not, if I don't have my glasses on I can't see very far and apparently look angry when I'm just staring into space

She was.
Daring to sit on a chair ? How awful. I thought that was what they were for.
Just don't go back. There are plenty charity shops to give your money to. Or maybe it's just our town.

Maybe she just doesn’t like kids or has had a bad time with them in the shop so was anticipating?
My DD loves charity shops but would agree with you that many of the people that work in them seem particularly miserable and not at all helpful. And I know many are volunteers but that doesn’t excuse it. And the reason they aren’t shifting stuff is they price things too high.

What would you have said? She hasn’t done anything, she didn’t complain about your DS’s behaviour, she asked you what the matter was in response to your vague question. You just perceived that she had a particular expression on her face. Doing anything but what did, leaving and getting on with good day, would have made you look daft and as though you were spoiling for an argument.

So she didn't say or do anything, you perceived that she looked towards your step child with a look you didn't like and you felt it was necessary to confront her? I don't think she's the problem.

I get it, I can have a bit of a resting bitch face. But she was staring at him angrily.

Would you not ask someone who was scowling at you if something was wrong?

I asked her if everything was alright and she responded with “what’s the matter” abruptly🤣

It's amazing how many people on MN are always experiencing dirty looks from strangers when doing nothing to warrant it. Never happens to me.

I can’t think it’s anything other than a “resting bitch-face” as you say. She might just have an angry looking face.

Lots of people who work in charity shops have additional needs too, so could be that?

I agree with you completely. The shop is quite kid friendly though to be honest. There’s always plenty of children in there and even a sign encouraging the children to play with the toys. We’d already been round the other section to look at the books and not made a mess or even touched the toys.

She probably is a volunteer, but agreed, it doesn’t excuse it.

So why say you’re thinking of not returning? 🤷‍♀️

Are you sure she's a 'volunteer' and not carrying out some kind of unpaid work for probation?! I've known people who have had to work in charity shops because they've broken some law or other! It'd explain why she's not there that often and why she looks grumpy!

Because I shouldn’t be made to feel on edge & as though I’ve done something wrong for having a browse, surely? 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’ve donated there before and I often go in a buy bits. I don’t fancy getting scowled at, or having 5 year old child scowled at. You wouldn’t expect to have someone give you daggers in Tesco, would you?

She could have very easily have brought it, whatever it was, to my attention.

Nope, I tend to smile cheerily at them. Often them smile back.

Not everyone frowning is frowning at you. Even if they appear to looking in your direction. You seem a bit confrontational.

You sound really affronted by this, is there more going on in your life that is making you extra sensitive? Most people would have just shrugged and forgotten about it by a few minutes later..

Why are you giving this woman, who did nothing except look at you in a way you have interpreted as ‘daggers’, so much headspace - just move on!

As for the assistant turning away a donation - I don’t know why you also have a problem with that. Charity shops often have limited space for stock, if they are full they can’t safely accept more. It’s not a tardis…

You sound completely batty to me, and rude.

So you approached someone asking if everything was alright because you didn't like the expression on their face. That is quite and forward and aggressive thing to do. And now you are leaving threatening never to return because they didn't tell you what was wrong? Sorry but you are way out of line, this woman didn't say anything to you or the child but you are still offended. Ridiculous behaviour