To wish I’d said something to this charity shop worker?

[lostalil]

I was in a charity shop today with stepson aged 5. We spent about 10 minutes looking in the children’s section at books then wandered round to the clothing. He wasn’t being a nuisance at all, I’m genuinely the first to pull him up on any misbehaviour or cheekiness.

He’d sat on a dinner style chair, not one for sale, and I looked down for about ten seconds at a clothes rail but he was still in my line of sight. The till was behind me and I glanced back to see the shop assistant giving him daggers, a real dirty look. Glanced back and DSS is just sat on the chair. I walked over to the lady working and the conversation went like this:

Me: Is everything alright?
Her: What’s the matter?
Me: I’m asking if you are alright?

She’s just glaring at me, giving me daggers.

I ended up just walking out, I’ve encountered her before whilst shopping alone and she’d been very abrupt with me at the till to the point I come home and complained to DP. I was expecting her to tell me what he’d done.

I hadn’t let him run riot, he was about a metre in front of me but I’d taken my eyes off him to glance down for no more than 10 seconds.

I heard another assistant turning away a donation, saying they’ve just got no one buying at the moment and they’re overrun with stock. I don’t really feel like returning either to be honest.

Was I unreasonable or was she?

Thank you for saying this! I used to manage a charity shop and people definitely assume there’s infinite space “through the back”. Believe me, there’s not 😄 It becomes a big fire and/or trip risk with piles of cardboard, rags, bin bags, toys, books, DVD’s, shoes, perfumes, walking sticks, handbags, glassware, furniture, buggies, high chairs, mannequins, stationery, jewellery, cleaning products, and of course the avalanche of stuff people donate while insisting “it’ll do someone a turn” when often they’re just trying to avoid going to the dump because the charity shop’s closer. And don’t forget within the sheer mountain of stuff you also need a desk, a sorting area, space to measure curtains, a PC and phone and printer, filing cabinets, staff paperwork, seats to interview new applicants on, kick stools, a tea and coffee area with several mugs and biscuits, an accessible toilet for staff…. I loved the job and I loved my customers and staff very much. But never underestimate the severe lack of capacity in the stock room, to anyone still in doubt please try volunteering for a week at your local one and report back 😄 Best job in the world for sure but not for the faint hearted!

No, I wouldn't dream of it. I can't say I've ever noticed anyone scowling at me, but if I did it's their business, not mine - I couldn't care less. I would have thought you rather odd if I had been the woman in the shop.

might have come across as pass agg

I was cheery with her though! I went over smiling and asked if anything was wrong?

Maybe I was confrontational,

Which one was it?

Also you need to learn to communicate more specifically - she's not a mind reader - you could be more direct with more info but in a calm manner?

What is the relevence of the info about turning away donations to your unpleasant experience?

I was in a charity shop the other day and donations were refused because this is one of the weeks (start of the school holidays) where everyone has a clear out - and also when stuff isnt selling as people are away on holiday or their money is going on holiday costs.

I’d still go in OP if you like the shop… if she’s there’s next time, assess her behaviour and if she’s a dick again, then say what you wished you’d said this time!
If she’s not then if it was me I’d probably ask the other staff about her… you said they were friendly, so if it were me I’d get into a conversation with them and ask “What’s with the frowney grump who is sometimes here?” and tell them how she treated you and DSS and how she made you feel.
But then I’m a petty bitch and I’d just be looking to get her into trouble
:-D lol

Some charity shops take people doing community service - some of whom really do not want to make any effort.

I'm guessing it's a chair for elderly or disabled people and not for young children. I think you were a bit of a dick tbh

' Me: Is everything alright?
Her: What’s the matter?
Me: I’m asking if you are alright? '

No, you were not asking her if she was alright, you first asked if everything was alright.

Why didn’t you just say “oi what are you scowling at”? As clearly that’s what you were thinking! Most people just ignore or say hello and smile.

So you're hoping to be told you can micro manage and police a person's expressions, where they look, and them being a bit curt. Well, you can't. Being a good member of the Thought Police really is becoming normalised in the UK.

She's a volunteer, most likely, so complaining will get you nowhere. Shop elsewhere or learn not to care if people aren't obsequious or have expressions that offend you.

Please don't give the OP ideas. She can't go around aggressively accusing people of not having the right face.

Might it just have been ‘resting bitch face’?