To be annoyed that I’m being blamed for this?!

[AngelaSnerkel]

We (DH, toddler and I) went to a wedding with my mother last month. She drove to us, briefly came in for a cup of tea, and then we all went in our car.

Weeks later, she’s asked us to look for a set of keys she allegedly left on our hallway table. It’s keys to my grandparents’ house and she said she took them from her car and put them there for safekeeping.

The keys aren’t there and DH and I haven’t seen them. DM is now “very disappointed” in me for losing her keys and is going to draw me a diagram of the keys and where she left them so I can find them, and keeps messaging me to ask that I “look again properly.”

AIBU to think this is insanity?

Yes, that’s batshit! I’d tell her I don’t want to hear about the keys again unless it’s her apologising and telling me she’s found them somewhere else!

We’d love to see the diagram though!

Just tell her you have looked and can't find them. If she wants to look she's welcome but there's little point. Tell her to look elsewhere. That you haven't seen or touched them and won't be held responsible for 'losing' them.

Why on earth did she leave them in your house, without telling you, for safekeeping? Nah, she's lost them & thinks she may have accidentally left them at your house. Not your fault

Just say I havent list your keys thet weren’t there. Look else where for them!

I’d be pointing out that looking after the keys was her responsibility not yours.

I’d offer for her to visit and and look for them herself. The likelihood is that she’s lost them somewhere entirely different .

'Sorry Mum definitely no keys, if you had left them we would have seen them and put them in a safe place. Maybe check down the sides in your car or retrace your steps at home. Good luck and let us know'

Disappointed in you? You have a toddler and weren't asked to mind them. I think it's passive aggressive drawing a diagram of your hall table. I presume you know well where the table is. It's her responsibility to mind her keys in my opinion. I would stay calm, avoid fueling the situation and if you have had a good luck already, keep repeating that you're sorry that you haven't found them. Ignore the rest and tell her you didn't realise they were there/supposed to mind them. Ya, as someone else said, invite her to have a look herself. Don't mind her

Take detailed photos of your hall table, send them to her and ask her to circle the keys if they are in the photo.

YANBU, however could your DC have picked them up and put them somewhere? Mixed in with toys? If they were left at your house in the first place without you being aware.

She’s doing this because she wants to be able to blame you for the keys being lost. You’ve lost them, not her is what she will tell everyone. She has no idea where they are or where she left them.

Did she use her normal handbag, or change it for a different one (maybe to match her shoes/outfit)?
Has she checked every pocket and zip in it?
Why would she randomly bring in a set of keys that she wasn't actually using (unlike her house/car keys) and then dump them on your table without telling you?

I bet they're somewhere in a bag, back in her wardrobe.

I think this would be my reponse to any sent diagrams.

Obvioulsy the toddler or anyone else could have picked them up and moved them as you had no idea they were there - but honestly I expect she left them elsewhere but wants to blame you to take blame off herself.

Tell her she’s welcome to come and find them and she can now use her diagram as a treasure map

I don't even know where to begin with this one, your mum is being ridiculous.

Best answer ever 😂

She's being ridiculous blaming you for her mistake.

My guess is she doth be protesting too much about experiencing memory problems.

Reassuring to see 100% for YANBU on this one, but now I've probably jinxed it...

😂

Toddlers do pick things and move them randomly, especially if it's something out of the ordinary/unusual. Have you checked cupboards, drawers, shoes, etc in the vicinity and asked your toddler if they picked up what granny put on the hall table? He/she might not remember now. My niece hid my mum's car key in a cupboard completely randomly when she was little.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 is she always so unreasonable?! Let's me guess she is perfect and NOTHING is ever her fault? I wouldn't be getting into these chats and she needs to find the keys she lost / mislaid

I mean, theoretically, yes, but it’s unlikely.

DC can’t reach on the table, so it’s only possible if the keys were knocked off the table onto the floor and she’s taken and hidden them without us noticing.

The table isn’t always the tidiest (it hosts post, sun cream, our keys and general life detritus) but I’ve checked it and underneath.

Tell her she must have left them somewhere else because they're definitely not there. YANBU.

Cheek she's the one that lost them.