Who is being unreasonable re weekend cleaning & DC in bed?

[SuggestedPig]

Me and DH both work full time & also have a toddler DC together.

I find that in order to keep on top of the house it helps to have one of my weekend days having a good clean, bed stripping, hoovering, wiping down surfaces, cleaning bathroom etc..

I prefer to wake up on a Sunday and get this stuff done so we can enjoy the rest of the day.

DHs older kids are teens and stay most weekends. As typical teens they tend to sleep in quite late i.e. 11-12ish on a usual Sunday.

DH thinks I should not hoover upstairs until they wake up. I think this is ridiculous. They can stay in bed for as long as they want but the rest of the house should not have to put their day on hold so they aren't woken.

We have a 3 yo so I am woken up every day, weekend or not, by 7am. I am not sitting around until 12 to be allowed to hoover up in my own house so teens can laze in bed all morning without being disturbed.

Surely that's just part and parcel of family life. You can stay in bed but the rest of the house gets on with their normal day while you do!

I don’t think you really need to vacuum in the morning. I agree with others- make a deal with the teenagers that you’ll let them sleep in if they pick up the hoovering. It won’t take them that long and the harder bit is the tidying first. So I think the clear answer is to meet everyone halfway by not being the one to do the vacuuming so it’s a win win.

Why should she in her own home?

Because it's also the teens home!

I've asked this already but op hasn't bothered to answer - would you hoover when the toddler was napping?

Would you stick to this rigid cleaning routine & hoover upstairs if your parents were staying & were sleeping at that time?

Or if you had friends visiting for a weekend & sleeping? Could the routine be changed then?

The op is clearly irritated at having these teens lying about all weekend in 'her' home!

But these teens were around long before her or her toddler. Their home is where their father is. I think she's struggling with this basic fact. They're getting in the way of the family life she wants for herself, their father & his new child....it's a story as old as time

And, again, I highly suspect that when her own child is a teen she won't carry on like this!

You're being unkind and you sound resentful.

Teenage body clocks shift, as has been said by others. Your toddler will be like that one day too. They'll come out the other side as normal adults but just now they are owls and not larks.

If it winds you up that much, tell your husband to hoover upstairs when his kids are awake. But don't pass/agg vacuum at 9am, it's petty.

Surely just do all non-hoovering tasks first and then hoover last, which would take you to 10ish probs. And move it to Saturday if they aren't there on that day.
There has to be some compromise on your part imo, but not to the extent it impacts on your own weekend.

Nothing to endure, I am up with them at 7/7.30 every morning including weekends. I dont do lie ins!

It means you and your toddler have the rest of the day to go to the park. What about the teens? They choose to have a lie in Sundays (as does most of the planet), but you won’t allow that.

I think you’re being extremely awkward. Why not go to the park first thing with the toddler? You’re out of the way so the teens can sleep peacefully. Then come back and do the vacuuming once they’re up. Toddler should be happy to stay home then as already been out.

OR

Do your vacuuming on a Saturday then everyone can have the Sunday they deserve.

I have 2 teenagers who like to sleep. I mow my lawns from 9am on Sunday. I am not too toeing round them not doing my weekend jobs in case I wake them. I’m sure op when her child as a teen will feel the exact same as she does now. That teenagers already have a tendency to be selfish and self centred and pandering to demands doesn’t do them any good.

i am also a teacher of teenagers and its very obvious who are the spoilt entitled teens who would expect/demand silence on Sunday until lunch.

That makes no sense. Why would resilience have any affect on your need for sleep or your ability to sleep through noise?!? Being a teenager also doesn’t mean you can sleep through the house if a hoover! The sleep pattern of anyone in a household should be a priority. Sleep is vital for development and good physical and mental health. Hoovering doesn’t have to be done on a Sunday morning!

Tbh I'm not sure why it's done at weekend when all the family is together to do things or just chill together. We have teens down to 3 toddlers and we both share housework during the week as do teens once in from work or school. If shared it's not a burden on one person, same for toddlers we automatically take turns on weekend mornings to get up so other gets a lie in. I dunno if everything is flowing well in a relationship the rest falls into place nicely what's expected etc without any problems. But ye between us unless someone's ill all house has been done during week and we have days out at weekends or just chill,films,game and eat nice grub with kids

Oh for goodness sake. Just get on with your vacuuming. After 9 is perfectly acceptable if you have other things to do. They'll live, they will probably sleep through it anyway. In any event, they should be helping out with a few chores, especially in the school holidays. Your DH is not helping to raise fully functioning adults here. When does he think that will happen?
I don't have step children but my 3 DC just had to put up with what ever was happening at weekends. They survived just fine

Omg, I’ll hoover when I want in my own house including in teens’ bedrooms when they are sleeping but I appreciate that it’s different for SDCs. My teenagers would sleep through a nuclear holocaust though so it makes no difference.

There is no way I’d be tiptoeing around waiting for teens to emerge from their rooms.

I think tell the kids that on Sundays hoover will be on at 10am

In which case I’d give them a simple ultimatum:
(1) they choose to do it themselves later, once they’re up and about or
(2) you do it anytime from 9.00am onwards 🤷🏻‍♀️
If they choose number 1, then stipulate that the first time they don’t complete the job, the arrangement is cancelled and you’ll go back to hoovering when it suits you. DH cannot say that’s unreasonable surely?

Out of interest, does DH just think it’s unreasonable himself or have the teens voiced it to him?

Whilst consideration is a thing, I am not sure teenagers are more important than OP with a small child. It is the summer; presumably they get to lie in on many other days. And nine is not early.

I think you are being incredibly rigid and controlling. Is the problem really that you can only possibly do 15 minutes of vacuuming on a specific day at a specific time? Or are there other issues that are making you dig your heels in here...

If you’re the one cleaning, then IMO you can do it on your schedule. If others (DH included) would like it done differently, then they can take on this chore.