Who is being unreasonable re weekend cleaning & DC in bed?

[SuggestedPig]

Me and DH both work full time & also have a toddler DC together.

I find that in order to keep on top of the house it helps to have one of my weekend days having a good clean, bed stripping, hoovering, wiping down surfaces, cleaning bathroom etc..

I prefer to wake up on a Sunday and get this stuff done so we can enjoy the rest of the day.

DHs older kids are teens and stay most weekends. As typical teens they tend to sleep in quite late i.e. 11-12ish on a usual Sunday.

DH thinks I should not hoover upstairs until they wake up. I think this is ridiculous. They can stay in bed for as long as they want but the rest of the house should not have to put their day on hold so they aren't woken.

We have a 3 yo so I am woken up every day, weekend or not, by 7am. I am not sitting around until 12 to be allowed to hoover up in my own house so teens can laze in bed all morning without being disturbed.

Surely that's just part and parcel of family life. You can stay in bed but the rest of the house gets on with their normal day while you do!

I think yabu, I have a young teen and there is no way I would wake him up, he's exhausted after a week of school (or gaming) - they still need more sleep. Unless you are trying to set yourself up as the wicked stepmother which will end in them wanting to spend less time at your house?!

I have several teenage children (no step or blended family so fewer eggshells to be treading on) and like a lie in myself tbh. DH and our youngest teen tend to get up early, just because they wake early. Nobody tries to be quiet particularly after 9am, but equally nobody tells anyone else to get up at a certain time unless they have plans together. I think yanbu and if your "D" H thinks that you are, then he can do the hoovering himself at whatever time he thinks appropriate.

Why are you doing all the cleaning? Anyone who wants certain chores leaving until the afternoon should take over those chores.

I don’t use a hoover because of the noise. My mother used to do this and I hated the sound

Single ladies learn this very important lesson. When you have the hots for a man who is divorced with Kids, please think again - this kind of stuff pops up so much. Mum's don't have a hard time when they have small kids and teenagers because those are their own kids and everybody learns how to get along. Stepmoms have a really hard time with this and so do stepdad's. It's nobody's fault it's just the way it is. In this scenario, the man has to have his kids back because those are his kids right. Big ones and small ones it doesn't matter they're all his biological children. He's gonna stick up for all of them, especially the ones who have been around a lot longer.

BTW my dad used to storm into my bedroom shouting at me to get my "rotting carcass out of that stinking pit!" if I stayed in bed past 8am at the weekend, and my mother used to cry theatrically if I failed to appear in time to go to 9:30am church, which may be why I don't mind my household going about their business at normal volume as long as they don't actually tell or ask me to get up, and think it's reasonable to let my teens sleep undisturbed with their bedroom doors closed but don't think anyone has to tiptoe around the rest of the house.

It depends, I suppose, whether the housework is being done performatively (as in the trilling mother referred to by someone else) - that's unpleasant - but pragmatically getting a chore done without fuss rather than suspending activity until everyone is up is just normal life. As I said before, anyone who wants the task left to later can do said task themself.

What about what everybody else in the house wants? 😂 Why do the wants of the teens - or in fact the DH, as the teens so far haven't complained - trump the wants of the OP to organise her day? She's the one ensuring a clean and pleasant living environment, managing meals for everyone, arranging activities for their 3yo etc. It's beyond ridiculous to pander to this degree. OP should be able to hoover after 9am in her own home.

This and would you feel the same if they were your own children?
Let them have a lie in

I’m with you on this, anytime from 9.30 in our house is considered a lie in and I get on with jobs. Noisy or not. I get two days off a week I’m not creeping around to suit everyone at a reasonable time

Yep agree with pp.

Yep totally agree

Have them run the Hoover and do a couple other chores when they get up.

They should be part of the cleaning, and they still get to sleep in.

We are lucky to have a cleaner. She comes at 7:30 and by 8:30 she is hoovering outside the teens’ bedrooms. If they wake, they fall asleep again. They miss out on getting their rooms cleaned but that is consequence of their laziness! I would not ask her to tiptoe around their schedule, no way. They have not complained either as they know that would be diva behaviour.

Nine am start is a good compromise at weekends. Obviously don’t deliberately wake them but you need to get on with housework when it suits you. Y

Oh god my mother used to hoover when I was in bed at the weekends and then go on mad cleaning sprees which we were dragged into. Yes stuff has to get done but not early in the morning and for a good portion of the weekend, just because you’re up at the crack of Dawn doesn’t mean you have to get everyone else up- I have to stop dh going out mowing early, people deserve a rest!!!

I don't hoover super early but my DH just does it when he wants regardless if the kids are sleeping. They've never even mentioned it, not sure if they even hear it to be honest anyway and as your dsc haven't even mentioned it, I'm guessing they aren't bothered either by it.

I’d say after 1030 is fine.

I remember this too. my mother would be up banging and clattering and her worst one was the radio on loud. now in my house Sunday is a nice relaxing day. housework if needed is done on a Saturday. Sunday mornings are nice and relaxing. also to note we live in a working farm house so animals to be fed etc every morning but even with that there would be no noise in the morning and people sleeping get to sleep. rest is just as important. why can't you have a chore list with your husband and everyone do some of it on a Saturday or when they get up on Sunday? is the world going to end if the hoovering is not done Sunday morning ?

Do they sleep over on Friday nights? If not the you could do the cleaning on a Saturday

Is your house huge OP? I'm just thinking actually how much upstairs hoovering is there? Surely it's only a few minutes? Id expect teens do their own bedrooms anyway so surely it won't be more than about 20 mins max that you'd need to do? Id tell DH to do it then too if he's not happy with the time you do it, he can do it at a later time, all sorted. Don't think this is a big issue that you and him both seem to be making into one.

Hoovering when people are asleep and there’s a billion other options is just mean.
you say it’s ten minutes, there are a 1000 options every week of a ten minutes slot, choose one of the other 999. No idea why your husband doesn’t do it either, at any other time slot, which you’ve avoided answering.

Agree

DH can hoover again. Remove bed clothes, help deep clean, Thursday and Friday evening.
He has to compromise.
The work has to be done.

This, either they don't care that you hoover when they are laying in our they can do it Sunday afternoon

I have three teens (and a younger child) and I try and be as quiet as I can while they're sleeping, I just don't see the need to disturb them when I don't need to. I do get them involved in the housework though and they are expected to help, I can see why you are a bit resentful if they never do anything to help.

My teenagers only rouse prematurely to the shout of "FOOOOOOD!!!"

Vacuuming around the house would be a non-issue.

After a reasonable level of sleep-in, like 9am is fine to vacuum elsewhere in the house.