Who is being unreasonable re weekend cleaning & DC in bed?

[SuggestedPig]

Me and DH both work full time & also have a toddler DC together.

I find that in order to keep on top of the house it helps to have one of my weekend days having a good clean, bed stripping, hoovering, wiping down surfaces, cleaning bathroom etc..

I prefer to wake up on a Sunday and get this stuff done so we can enjoy the rest of the day.

DHs older kids are teens and stay most weekends. As typical teens they tend to sleep in quite late i.e. 11-12ish on a usual Sunday.

DH thinks I should not hoover upstairs until they wake up. I think this is ridiculous. They can stay in bed for as long as they want but the rest of the house should not have to put their day on hold so they aren't woken.

We have a 3 yo so I am woken up every day, weekend or not, by 7am. I am not sitting around until 12 to be allowed to hoover up in my own house so teens can laze in bed all morning without being disturbed.

Surely that's just part and parcel of family life. You can stay in bed but the rest of the house gets on with their normal day while you do!

I am going to say YABU simply because we’ve a 2yr old and while I like yourself don’t get a lie in on the weekends the older son stays most weekends and hoovering is left until 10.30 or later. I don’t think it’s fair to deprive everyone else of a lie in. Also it has to be done before the youngest has their nap or I’d probably leave it later. A little bit of consideration for others goes a long way, we all cohabit together quite well as a result. I find it interesting you also believe they should do household chores when they’re only there weekends you said your DH does everything for them which would imply you don’t do stuff for them? Have you considered they may see it as doing stuff for you given you live there all the time and they’re not even part time

I would call a family meeting in this situation. Do it in a non-confrontational way, saying that you would like to be able to get the cleaning done and dusted (see what I did there?) before enjoying the rest of the day, but feel a bit worried you might be annoying the teenagers by hoovering. See what they say. If it is an issue, get the rest of the family to suggest a solution (which does not include you doing it when you come back from a trip out with the toddler). People may surprise you!

When my DD was a toddler she woke at 5.30am most days and I needed to get up with her.
9.00am felt pretty much like the middle of the day to me, and it wouldn’t have occurred to me not to vacuum from then onwards.
When my kids were teens they could sleep through anything.
Unless your DH gets up at the same time as you and is also doing his share I think he has a cheek to complain about your chosen schedule.

Why did you choose to marry a man who is not capable of having boundaries with his children? He sounds like a wet wipe, not a parent.

Hoovering at 7am. No.

Hoovering at 10am. Yes.

Mine don’t. 🤷‍♀️

This! At least 10.

Isn't that fairly normal, staying up late in holidays? I do that. And I definitely did as a teen. My mum would call up about breakfast at ten.

I don't think you're unreasonable. I've got teens and get on with normal life when they're in bed, including hoovering upstairs. It doesn't wake mine up so there are never any issues but I wouldn't be waiting around until lunch time even if it was, if they were that bothered I'd tell them they can do the hoovering when they get up. Or in your situation perhaps DH should do it as he is the one raising it as an issue.

Hoovering from 9 is fine.
but better yet, the teens do it on Saturday or Sunday once they’ve woken, so they don’t have to be woken by the noise.

You do not sound like a good stepmother.

I just crack on but I've had my teens trained to sleep despite my housework 'noise' since they were babies 🤣.

FFS people. The teens can lie in every day of the week as it's the holidays. Hoover away OP - 9.30 isn't early and they can go back to sleep if they really need to.

No wonder so many young people are entitled these days the way they're treated like royalty by their adoring mums.

My teenage kids sleep in given half the chance and they have been raised with good boundaries - I think all teenagers do this. I think you're unfair to hoover at 9am on the weekend. I would say that 11 is fine although even better, get DH to do it once they are up.

I lure mine down with a cooked breakfast or pancakes - it's a nice way to connect. Can you (or your H) do that?

It’s the holidays so they can have a lie in every day of the week most likely, why for one day would it hurt for OP to hoover at 9:30, remembering that Op isn’t on holiday everyday of the school holidays and is working full time so has limited time to do the chores.

I’d vacuum at a complete separate time. You can vacuum on a different day to the rest of the cleaning.

I would lose my mind if I was having a lie on and someone decided to hoover. YABT. Hoover later, the world won't end.

I think, apart from if someone works nights or other reasons why they HAVE to stay up late (not by choice) then 9.00 onwards on a weekend is fine for noise like hoovering. Their schedule is not more important than yours, and frankly for most people who have a job or school / college, 9.00 is already at least a 2 hour lie in compared to when they would usually get up in the week. It also allows for 8 hours sleep even if they stay up until 1am.

I wouldn't go in their room hoovering, but would happily hoover the landing etc. and probably leave them the hoover upstairs with expectations they do their room when they wake.

OP, having a full time job, a toddler and by the sounds of it doing all or most of the house cleaning is an exhausting job, and you are right to manage it in the way that works best for you. In fact I'm inspired by your routine. My house is a shit hole since I went full time because I don't have that routine / motivation, and my kids are older than yours, so if you've found a way that works for you, don't drop it! You are not less important than anyone else in the house.

Of course he’s being ridiculous.

Get the teens some silicone earplugs. Yes teenagers need their sleep but my dd (16) finds these do the trick if others in the house need to be up early.

Whether people are early sleepers or late risers you can’t really have the house in silence to accommodate them.

OP, would you insist on hoovering upstairs when your child was down for a nap?

I don't think there's any need for hoovering to happen while anyone is in bed tbh.

I’d leave it till last but

I'd be fucking furious at someone hoovering at 9 am on a Sunday. Far too early. Teenagers need their sleep.

I don’t know why you’re being so particular about when the hoovering has to be done. Does it make a difference if DH does it in the evening once you get home, or the teenagers do it when they wake up?

I don't hoover till noon on a weekend. Teens need their sleep