Who is being unreasonable re weekend cleaning & DC in bed?

[SuggestedPig]

Me and DH both work full time & also have a toddler DC together.

I find that in order to keep on top of the house it helps to have one of my weekend days having a good clean, bed stripping, hoovering, wiping down surfaces, cleaning bathroom etc..

I prefer to wake up on a Sunday and get this stuff done so we can enjoy the rest of the day.

DHs older kids are teens and stay most weekends. As typical teens they tend to sleep in quite late i.e. 11-12ish on a usual Sunday.

DH thinks I should not hoover upstairs until they wake up. I think this is ridiculous. They can stay in bed for as long as they want but the rest of the house should not have to put their day on hold so they aren't woken.

We have a 3 yo so I am woken up every day, weekend or not, by 7am. I am not sitting around until 12 to be allowed to hoover up in my own house so teens can laze in bed all morning without being disturbed.

Surely that's just part and parcel of family life. You can stay in bed but the rest of the house gets on with their normal day while you do!

They are here all weekend.

It sounds like you don’t actually like DHs teens very much, or are pretty resentful about how he lets things slide with them.

Its going to be an interesting time when your 3 year old is their age!

If your husband wants to pander to them tell him to do it at lunchtime. Otherwise hoover when you want.

I don't have any issue with DSC at all. I do think DH doesn't make them do enough to help round the house and does baby them a lot for their ages. But this isn't coming from them, it's DH I disagree with.

Have you told DH to do it after his children wake up?

I would just hoover early evening on the Sunday or get it out the way Friday

I could but typically DH will come out with us

If it’s just a 10 min hoover though it can easily be done my him when you get back? It feels like a lot of hassle for something that can be done literally all afternoon or evening

He can do it when he gets home then.

Why can't you do this on Saturday morning? The place would be nice for the weekend then. They should be allowed to sleep in undisturbed on a Sunday if that is what they want.

I wouldn’t hoover until 9.30 but after 9.30 it’s a fair game. DD is older teen and she is usually still in bed after 9, it’s health reasons not gaming but even so I can’t sit and wait the whole day,
I think the problem is that your DH is overdoing a bit. He doesn’t want to treat them as special guests and as a results he treats them not as a part of the family but as special guests. Because part of the family will tolerate hoovering, tag along here and there and do cleaning duties.
Of courses there should be compromise but the real one, not hoovering until lunchtime is not the answer.

All teenagers do this!

if feels a bit pointed and obnoxious to Hoover at 9am when they are sleeping. It sounds like you are making a point.

i wouldn’t do it - your husband can run a Hoover upstairs after lunch? Everyone is happy. Let’s be honest you are completely outvoted within the house. You are the only one who wants to Hoover this early - why do you get final say when really simple compromises are available?

This is a total non-issue, especially as the teens in question haven't even complained. They will most likely sleep through the hoovering as long as their doors are shut. Even if it does wake them briefly, if they are tired enough they will go back to sleep! If they don't go back to sleep then so what? Waking up at 9.30am is hardly going to do them any harm. They don't even have to get out of bed at that time, and if i've understood correctly OP hoovers one morning a week so they can still sleep in 6 days out of 7 during the school holidays.

Agree.

You clearly have some resentment for your husbands teens OP.

Would you be doing exactly the same when your child is a teenager?
mots pretty normal for teens to stay up late and sleep in til late morning. If they’re otherwise good kids, then I wouldn’t be ruining their Sunday mornings lie in.
i would just do/ get DH to put the hoover around one evening instead.

Why not give the teenagers the choice of you hoovering from 9am onwards or them doing the task after they wake up?
yanbu but it may help relations to give them choice eg one weekend if truly exhausted they can ask to do it themselves later?

I would do all the non noisy jobs first then hoover upstairs about 10am. I wouldn't do it any earlier.
If SC and husband still aren't happy with that someone else would have to do it later in the day.
I take it that you aren't actually hoovering in their bedroom, just the landing and your room? I would leave the hoover on the landing when you have finished for them to do their rooms and put it away.
You can clean kitchen and bathroom and downstairs without disturbing them. It's quite common for teenagers to go a bit nocturnal-a completely opposite schedule to a three year old.

I was going to say that.

OP I have an older teen & i wouldn't hoover when they're sleeping.

I think it's pretty mean & i too think you'll most likely change your tune when it's your own dc at that age

Are you really just seething inside that his teens are lolling about in bed in your house? Because there are many practical solutions to this problem that don’t require much imagination or adjustment at all. Are you just wanting them to live the way you think they should be living in your house?

Agree with a PP - this is such a non issue! Just hoover 9.30am as you wish. They'll sleep through it and if they wake up they can go back to sleep 🤷‍♀️

This! If anyone wants to criticise what time I do the housework I take it as an offer to take over.
Being woken up by people living around you is a natural consequence of staying up too late gaming. I wouldn't be stopping my routines for kids who refuse to adopt a decent sleeping pattern.
It would be different if they needed to be up at night due to shift work, bar work, or collaborating with Americans. I'd still expect DH to take the hoovering as it is his kids but I wouldn't be consider it rude to be asked to change it.

I have a teen and wouldn't hoover while he is sleeping. Plenty of other times when it can be done. YABU.

Brought back memories.
As a teen, late night on Saturday. Sleep in Sunday.
But mum would get the vacuum out, vacuum under bed, and around.
I would eventually get up, go to the kitchen, dad had made toast hours earlier, and I had cold toast for breakfast.

I think 9 am is a reasonable time to vacuum.

I don’t hoover when people are sleeping. My mother used to do this while trilling “I like to get all my jobs done in the morning!” And I still think it was a dick move 35 years later. I was out late at work rather than playing on a x-box but I don’t think it matters. Lie ins are nice and it sounds like you have 4+ people in your household capable of pushing a hoover around and a lot of alternative time.

Where and what is your OH doing whilst you do this cleaning? And even more to the point do you only hoover once a week? wouldn’t it make sense in that case to hoover when OH’s kids go home so you can clean the extra floor traffic? It does seem a bit petty that you insist on doing this when they’re still sleeping.