18 yr old taking the p**s

[Dizzydoodle]

So my child has always been untidy and it really gets me down. I went upto their room and omg, the smell and mess, I was nearly sick. There wasn't a bit of floor you could see. I don't allow food or drink upstairs.

I initially gave the weekend to clean/remove all rubbish/tidy the room. This I reluctantly extended to the Tuesday.

That passed, so I said you have until the weekend to get it done or you swap rooms with your sibling. Saturday came and is still not done. That was 7 days.

Come the move around, they have banged about, sulked, stropped, cried, and still not done it. There is still rubbish. Eventually, a bin bag came downstairs, but still finding rubbish.

They tried to leave some for their sibling to do , but it was rubbish and dirty laundry. 🤢 They went to a friends for 2 nights yesterday so I sent a message last night saying to be home by 12 today or not to bother coming back.

Not appeared as yet.

Husbands family say I'm being unreasonable, and said it's down to bad parenting they're like this.

If his room is a smelly shit hole why should he keep the room. It's only right they swap and give the bigger room to the cleaner child and the messy room to the one who likes to live in a shit hole. The op is doing the right thing being a parent.

But then the bigger room is still a messy shit hole because the OP's instructions were - clean your room: Not cleaned. Clean your room or you will swap rooms: Still not cleaned.

So now they are swapping rooms and the sibling will have to move to the shithole room but....it is still not cleaned. So now sibling is in shithole room. Eh? Why am I in shithole room? What did I do?!

Plus, come back at 12 or you will be kicked out...But the room still isn't clean.

What is the outcome here? Kid kicked out. Other kid in shithole room. Room still shithole. So confusing.

Concentrate on one kid and one shithole room. 'What's going on? Looks like you might need some help. How about we give it a go together and see how we do.'

All the rest is just extra noise and ramps up the drama.

So to clarify the 18yr old had the biggest bedroom in the house. Renovated and decorated to their taste only 3 yrs ago after sharing with a younger sibling. Both younger siblings siblings have much smaller rooms. You couldn't see the floor due to piles of food and drink waste packets/bottles (despite my no food rule), dirty clothes, clean clothes, books, towels and bags.

They arrived home and found all their shit in the smaller room. I made them vacuum and steam the floor of the large room.

1 younger sibling has happily moved into the now clean big room.

18yr has apologised for not doing it when 1st asked and is working through the clothes. Anything that doesn't fit into their extensive storage will be going to the charity shop or bin. I have reiterated the no food or drink rule and said there will be daily checks by myself or my husband. They have said they understand how angry I was when I txt them about coming home and has promised to do better.

I have chronic back pain and severe arthritis, so getting up the extra flight of stairs is excruciating at the best of time, impossible at others

Those who are confused by my use of 'they/them/their' when talking about my child, my child identifies as non binary.

Good result @Dizzydoodle and great that they have apologised

Just shows how important boundaries are and sticking to fair rules. Kids hate them, fight them - yet thrive on them being stuck to

Sounds like a great result OP, well done 🤩🤩🤩

Fast forward another few years if you are needing to ‘assist’ an ADULT to tidy and clean one bedroom then you really do have problems, as suddenly they won’t be able to do it for themselves because you always help.

So you make a rod for your own back.

The underlying message you are also feeding to said adult is that they can’t cope. They can’t manage. They are not capable. Is that really the messaging you want to give a grown adult? Have you considered the consequences and implications for such low expectations?

It’s no wonder this generation is struggling if they are being parented like this!

A polite but direct instruction as you would speak to any other adult, and outline clearly what will happen if action isn’t taken, and follow through. Respectfully but firmly. Just as op as done. They could marry, divorce, vote, live alone, have a full time job and travel the world. Why can’t they simply pick up a towel? Or tidy a single room?

Honestly this thread is NUTS!

Well done op! 💪🏻

Ha ha 🙄

So how did she survive uni if she can’t even tidy a room herself? Did you drive up and scrub her lavatory? Pick up her towels?

Honestly you are just being played.

@RosesAndHellebores How very dare you take my post as a personal attack on your family. Stop projecting.

You dont even know me, or my academic, personal and professional successes, nor of any challenges I have faced and/or overcome.

Get a shovel and a load of black bin bags. Shovel every single item that’s in the 18 year olds room into black bags and leave outside for him to deal with. Also stop paying for their phone! They are an adult and need to start behaving like one

Thanks for the update OP. Looks like a great result! Now you just need to stick with it, which is the hardest bit, because YOU have to do the same amount of hard work as your kids do, in as much as making sure that they continue to keep on top of things, and checking the rooms each day.

GOOD LUCK!