To not understand why I only ever gain weight while trying to lose it

[SEmyarse]

I've been overweight for years, but not hugely, I usually sit at about 11 stone naturally (at 5'5''). I would like to be slimmer, so inevitably I go on a health kick, and ALWAYS put on weight. People are going to start going on about muscle weighing more, but it totally doesn't feel like that at all, it's always just my stomach getting larger. And then I'll fall off the wagon and settle back to 11 stone again.

So 2 years ago, my youngest child left school, and it dawned on me that I've been trying to lose weight for 28 years, this is ludicrous, I have NEVER lost a single pound, that I'm aware of, intentionally.

So eat less, move more, right? How hard can it be? Two whole years now of getting up early, 20 min walk to the gym, 40 min there, 20 min back. Then off to my fairly active job, first hour lifting and loading things in the depot, then 6-10 hours deliveries. Obviously driving isn't super active, but it's short drop, I'm doing 25-30 an hour, always run back down driveways, or flat steps. I've never been a big eater at all, just bowl of cereal in the morning, and dinner at night. Dinner's vary a bit since DH cooks, but that really doesn't seem like a lot of food for my lifestyle. It's only standard stuff, pasta or potatoes or salad etc. I cut out the biscuits that I used to snack on completely. And apart from a glass of orange juice with breakfast I only ever drink water.

And now I'm 14 stone, what the hell am I doing wrong?

Not recently, I actually feel super healthy, just can't understand how it's possible I'm getting fatter AND more specifically why I wasn't when I was still snacking and no gym

It's definitely more complicated than calories in/ calories out. The gut microbiome has a lot of influence.

Fat people's gut bacteria looks different to thin people's. There are certain strains seen in people who are naturally thin.

Two people can eat exactly the same foods and one person's body will take as many calories as possible from the food, while the other person's body will take very little.

The more I learn about the gut microbiome (and scientists are still learning), the more fascinating it is.

Only way to be sure is know how many calories.
Why would your husband get grumpy if you ask what's in your dinner?

Cos he's always saying how worried he is about how little I eat. But no he's definitely not putting extra calories in, often it's just chicken and salad or whatever. They're quite low calorie because he's also trying to lose weight (started in Feb and is 3 stone down grrr)

I lose weight when I drop bread and pasta out of my diet. I’m in my 60’s and the first time I tried this I went to the doctors because my weight dropped so quickly, I couldn’t believe it.

I substitute pasta etc with lots of vegetables, think half a plate. Fruit & Greek yoghurt for breakfast. I use olive oil& butter on the veg. Cheese salad for lunch & oat cakes. I cook curries, thai food but no rice. Salmon & pesto that sort of thing.

You aren’t tracking your calories. Do that, accurately for four weeks. Weigh and measure everything you put in your mouth (and tell your husband to bugger off, it’s not his business) and I GUARANTEE you will see why you are gaining weight. You are eating way more than you think.

Cut out all dairy, gluten, sugar and processed food; the extra weight will fall off.

I did this and lost 6 stone.

I eat WAY more now than I did when I was obese - calories are not equal with 'amounts' of food.

You might feel like you're not eating much but it'll be the calories.

Starting your day with sugary crap like orange juice and cereal, and ending the day with pasta, is not particularly healthy unfortunately. I've been there, I'm not judging! But you have to make significant changes and be committed.

As others have suggested I’d go and see your gp. It could be your thyroid.

Muscle does weigh more than fat though. Instead of going by weight alone, are your measurements different ?
I started going to fitness classes to tone up as although I’m not overweight i am at the top end of healthy weight and a bit wobbly.
I lost a lot of inches all over but not very much weight. My stomach hasn’t changed much as my stomach muscles tore during pregnancy 20 years ago and will never be flat.

I lost 3 stone on SW over the space of about 9 months - spent another 6 months trying to shift the 4lbs I put on at Christmas, didn’t . Finally gave up SW and put on 9lb. Stabilised reduced what I was eating, didn’t think I was eating too much but couldn’t shift it. Started mounjaro, eat what I would consider to be not a lot and just about shift 1lb per week not even that sometimes (3500cal so 500cal fewer per day). Food has a lot of calories in it, and the amount can creep up on you. Even fruit calories all add up sadly.

Why is your husband worried about how little you eat when (by your own judgement) you're overweight?

Is he worried you'll lose weight and ditch him? I know this is daft but he's not adding extra calories to your meals, if he cooks, is he?

It's a myth that muscle weighs more than fat - it doesn't- but it does take up less room!

I'm a size smaller than I was 2 years ago after taking up lifting weights, but my weight is identical. That's why BMI isn't appropriate for anyone with a higher muscle mass.

1lb of muscle is much more compact than 1lb of fat.

That’s what I meant.
A stone of fat is much larger in size than a stone of muscle which is why measurements are a better indication of loss than the scales alone.

Unless you have a health condition it will be over consumption somewhere. You’ve spoken about weekdays, which we could guess are around 1100 maybe? Weekends what exactly are you eating? It could be that you are inadvertently sabotaging at the weekends? A really strict measuring and calorie counting is needed to identify weather you may have a medical issue as a gp is unlikely to take your word for it. Explain to husband you are diarising so you can take it to a health professional, that’s not unreasonable.

has your dress size gone up much?

It's impossible. You are getting calories somewhere. Do you snack in the day? What are your portions like?

You mention pasta and potatoes, have you tried Keto? Even if you don't stick to it forever, it would probably get things moving initially. Maybe do two or three months on keto and see how you feel.

You say the weight gain is around your middle? That could indicate a hormonal issue / thyroid as others have mentioned. The good thing is you sound very active and healthy in that respect. It doesn’t sound to me like you’re actually eating enough food throughout the day though. When you’re not getting enough in, your metabolism will slow down, so your body will burn fewer calories to perform the same functions. I would also swap out the cereal for breakfast and replace with something containing protein and healthy fats. Sugar spikes in the mornings will be messing with your hormones

No he's definitely not, he just thinks I don't eat anywhere near enough for my lifestyle. And I do go all dizzy and wobbly quite often - which was why I used to snack on biscuits for the sugar. He knows I've got quite obsessive about this, so I get why he's worried, but why on earth does my body put ON weight now, and not when I was snacking?

When I skip a meal like lunch or breakfast, I often overeat at dinner because I feel like I have the extra calorie allowance. Could you be unintentionally having a larger portion at dinner time because of the lack of lunch or snacks?

You have literally no idea how much you are eating. And if you are overweight, you are eating too much for your lifestyle. Track your calories! It’s free on My Fitness Pal.
You seem reluctant to do this but it WILL be enlightening, I’m sure.

The calorie guidance for women is basically not honest about how fucking little we need to eat after about age 40. You see the evidence of this in what a lot of people find they eat on a maintainance dose of mounjaro - often only 1000 cals max.

Most of us basically need few carbs, no sugar whatsoever and to stay slim, should probably only eat mainly veg, fish & lean meat.

Its incredibly hard when we are raised to value enjoyment of food, a lot of culture is embedded in celebratory food & drink, not to mention we form habits in our youth when we need more.

I work 6 days a week, so there's only one weekend day. We might occasionally have a takeaway, but it seems nuts to me that I can't have one takeaway a month, when friends who work in offices eat 3 times a day, drink alcohol etc.
But the biggest mystery to me is why I only start putting on weight when I give up the snacks and join the gym! Why not before? OK 11 stone is too heavy, but when I'm not obsessing about my weight I usually stay about there. The problem I've got now is that I've stuck at it for 2 years now, I'm scared to give up and I've become obsessed.

If you’re not cooking the dinners you’re eating then working out the calories accurately will be tricky, especially if your husband isn’t on board and gets grumpy if you want to discuss it. But, for at least a couple of weeks you need to very accurately track your calories and see what the totals are across that time frame. That’s the only way for sure that you can tell what’s going on.

You need to eat three meals a day. Try including lunch. It may be possible you overeat at dinner because your body is literally
starving if you don’t eat between the cereal and dinner meal

Surely I need to know exact weights of pasta cooked etc? I totally understand why my husband's sick of me poking my food around my plate already, I rarely finish it.

How old are you op. It could be something else going on?

I do get very wobbly about 2pm. I tried introducing a banana, but then I found I was even less interested in dinner