To think there are very few nice people here on Mumsnet anymore?

[NaiceSnail]

I’ve been on here for a while and recently, it feels like the vibe has really changed. So many posts seem to get turned into arguments or people are just downright rude to others. I get that Mumsnet is a place for strong opinions but it’s starting to feel like kindness and constructive conversation are in short supply. Maybe it’s just me but are there actually still genuinely nice people around here or has it become more of a space for venting and putting others down?

AIBU to long for a bit more positivity and civility around here?

I know what you mean because it’s really noticeable to me too and I’ve been here for twenty odd years. People being really nasty and laying into the OP for the most ridiculous reasons. It’s tiresome.

Ive onli been on here a couple of years, wish I'd know of it's existence during lonely lockdown, but have noticed threads often turn nasty. It's refreshing when u get the odd thread reminiscing about retro stuff or asking what everyone is up to. Amazed when people recommend dresses at 300 plus or shoes or when people earning 5k a month- not in my world.

I find it’s a bit of a mixture. I’ve seen some people really not holding back, and also some posters who seem to be seeking to stir up strong opinions. I haven’t seen too much of a change though. Always was a nest of vipers and a bastion of strong supportive women simultaneously.

I’ve only been on here a little while. I’ve seen some nasty comments not a massive amount. For the main part I think we’re all quite opinionated and reading everyone’s comments can in general tend to give a better overall understanding, other perspective’s so to speak and I have seen some that have made me look at a different angle.

I’ve massively cut back on commenting due to this too. Using a previous username, I asked a question and was basically spoken to like a piece of shit by one poster and made to feel very small and like I’d never amount to anything, and should basically change my personality in order to not alienate people. I felt something shift when I read that and just realised being online with random people most of whom I’d not interact with in real life isn’t for me.

One of the joys of the internet (for me) is speaking to or reading about people and situations who are so far removed from my own experiences and I can learn from it. If you live in Ulan Bator, or you’ve never used public transport, or you speak 17 languages or have never been to visit someone in their own home or any other random thing, I’d like to ask questions and get to know about it, and if you don’t think I should then you’re not for me.

You can get across any point about any topic without being rude. Rudeness just shuts the conversation down and no one learns anything.

Here we go again. It's probably like real life. People in general are a mixture and there are a lot of angry people around.

I do think there's a rise in unapologetically racist and ableist posts though.

Forums, social media and public discourse in general are being affected by the climate of 'divide and rule' politics. We're increasingly being told that who we are is defined by who we hate, and while we shout at each other from behind a keypad, societal alienation grows and the world looks like a less kind and tolerant place. Every time someone with money or power goads us into hating another group, we need to ask ourselves why, and who profits? Most of all, we need to ask ourselves why we fall for it and perpetuate it. Right now, kindness is an act of rebellion - and I don't mean trite #bekind - I mean making the effort to understand and empathise.

I try to be nice. I may not always get it right, but I’d feel guilty if I caused hurt or much offence.

I don't think that's the general mood. Certainly there are more threads where people start sniping at each other and derailing the OP's thread. Mumsnet could certainly do without them.

But mostly I think people are still kind.

I personally am delightful. Sometimes people get snotty but I just let it wash over me and move on

I’ve noticed people are really nitpicky and go on and on about minor points to try to get at whoever wrote the post. Also some people are really unnecessarily sanctimonious and snotty - see any post about weight loss injections, food in general or smoking. Maybe it was always like that but I don’t think so.

I always feel a bit sorry for anyone who spends loads of time being horrible to strangers on the internet, tbh.

I am nice too. I just let my eyes slide over the shit posts and look to the good ones.

YANBU op.

its really changed and is certainly attracting a different demographic. Posters are using vocabulary such as my kid rather than dc or even the word child.

A lot of posters seem to have more dc than they can cope with or afford accompanied with a feckless absent dp.

People are also posting about the most ridiculous stupid things too.

MN has really gone downhill and is now akin to Jeremy Kyle judging from how posters interact with each other and lack of critical thinking.

It was always like this. What I have noticed, though, over the years, is there are certain times of year/days of the week when the harsher posters come online and certain times/days when you get an easier time of it because those people aren't online. Fridays/Saturdays tend to be much worse than midweek, for example.

are there actually still genuinely nice people around here or has it become more of a space for venting and putting others down?

How would you describe yourself OP?

I agree. There are ways to disagree with people without being a twat. Lots of people on her appear to like to be twats.

I'm nice! I've been on here under various names for about 15 years. I do try to be helpful and I'm always polite, even on the threads where some "Man here.." poster tries to tell us all how we are "womenning" wrong. But I do agree but some people just want to pick a fight, some will zero on an aspect of the post that isn't the most relevant and make it all about that, or accuse the OP of TLDR or drip feeding, or both!

Is this a genuine question or just a subtle way of proving my point?

I’m nice!
Try to be supportive and keep an objective point of view. I’m also in the older group (17? years on MN) so can speak from experience.
At this point I think I can tell a wind-up when I see one and zone out when two posters take over and start getting at each other, usually due to poor reading skills.

Starting an AIBU thread is bound to attract criticism from somewhere, and remember quite a lot of wine gets drunk at the weekend!

I've been here 19 years and there's definitely a very different feel to a lot of the threads now. There are still some lovely supportive corners, but there are also people who seem to be looking for ways to pick a fight.

I don't tend to post on the more general chat, AIBU threads now and just stick to the ones like telly or music threads as it's the general ones that are quite nasty

The weekly thread 😆 of how mean people are on here.

Personally, I’m delightful. But I think the key is not to take other posters too seriously. I don’t actually give a toss if you are all mean to me online. You don’t know who I am.

It's mixed, I think. There are many people who seem nice, reasonable and willing to help. There are a few who seem to latch on to any opportunity to put people down, tell them they're idiots etc, and generally set out to make them feel bad. I don't really get this mentality 🤷‍♀️

Go and look at the Woolly Hugs threads - the amount of love that is shown to bereaved mumsnetters and their families by the crafters of Mumsnet.

Look at the support threads in education, SEN, disability, etc.