To think there are very few nice people here on Mumsnet anymore?

[NaiceSnail]

I’ve been on here for a while and recently, it feels like the vibe has really changed. So many posts seem to get turned into arguments or people are just downright rude to others. I get that Mumsnet is a place for strong opinions but it’s starting to feel like kindness and constructive conversation are in short supply. Maybe it’s just me but are there actually still genuinely nice people around here or has it become more of a space for venting and putting others down?

AIBU to long for a bit more positivity and civility around here?

I find that people are really big on punishment on here.

They don't seem to understand that punishing and punishing a 3 year old with SEN is not the answer or that just punishing and punishing a 15 year old is not going to make them respect or listen to you.

Someone the other day was insinuating if their child behaved like the OP's 3 year old with SEN then they'd be giving them a good whack till their bum was hot. The child was non verbal and melting down FGS.

Being rude or nasty to other adults over the internet is one thing but it makes me worry how some kids are being raised - especially if their SEN are undiagnosed and parents decide they are just bad.

It's a genuine question, although you don't have to answer obviously?

I was here over 20 years ago when it was an elitist bitchy clique of Sloane rangers with boarding school slang and the snob value to go with it. It is not nastier now, it’s just more diverse, so it’s not the elite little middle class in-group you’d like it to be. YABU.

This is typical. Did you really need to start your post with "here we go again". If you wanted to make the point that this is a duplicate post this could have been said in a less belittling way.

I’ve noticed a big rise in this over the last year or so. Don’t know what’s causing it, but I don’t think it’s a positive development.

Posters sniping at each other has happened for years, but this level of vitriol against children seems new.

I've been coming on here on and off for 15 years and I remember at first thinking that some of the responses were really harsh, particularly on aibu. Like absolutely brutal, so in that way I think its similar. However, I do think there were also more funny and interesting threads. This might be a societal change as a whole, politics are polarising, there is a lot less money around for many people, and a generally depressing international landscape, possibly people are just feeling less jovial and inclined for banter.

I have been here probably 15 years, but with a break in the middle, and have not noticed any difference.

Maybe it was nicer while I was away!

There always used to be some kind, supportive people, others who would be deliberately nasty and judgemental, then a few 'mean girls' who seemed to get away with being horrible because they were on every single thread in a kind of 'in-crowd.'

I’ve been on for 17 years and some people can’t help themselves- just try to ignore them. Plus Mumsnet has become more popular during that time - with quotes and references in mainstream media, so maybe that’s why- more people, more diverse opinions etc

What would you suggest I say to make the point?

Yes, it is.

"Posts like this have been made many times before..." would be one way.

That’s worse than “Here we go again”!

Some people really seem to get a dopamine hit from kicking someone while they're down - either ignoring or not caring that there is a human behind the username.

Yes sometimes people need to hear home truths but there are ways to go about that.

I think people are too scared of being outed so there are a lot less interesting threads.
Things changed after penis breaker!

Well, I feel like I'm seeing more of this on mumsnet compared to a year or so ago, never mind gransnet. Some of it worries me, where Christian actually means in favour of right wing mysogynistic views and pro life means discouraging the autonomy of women. As well as the undermining of diagnosis, and the 'we're all a bit austistic' brigade, which I strongly suspect is being fuelled/encouraged/planted by the government who are shortly going to try to cut the cost of SEN support.

I've been around for about 8 years now and a post saying how it's got mean has gone up about once a week since I joined... I don't think it's meaner. If anything, I think people are increasingly likely to bleat that others are mean for calling out poor behaviour.

Increasingly, the OP will say things that blatantly aren't true or are biased or unfair. Posters will point that out and, when the OP insists that their lie is true, posters are accused of being mean bullies if they don't just pretend to believe the lie.

Like, OP will say that their DH went to the shop then went to the football and she phoned at football to ask him to buy tampons and he said he wouldn't have time to buy it before the shops close at 4 on a Sunday. OP will be told she WBU because he was already at the football and then OP would suddenly claim that he was actually still inside the shop when she spoke to him on the phone. Posters will point out she's changing her story and OP will insist she hasn't changed her story at all.

It used to be that people would realise OP just wouldn't accept she's wrong and is twisting things to try and sway the vote afterwards. Now, there's a solid group of posters who pop up and say that OP has clarified (i.e. conveniently completely changed her story) and that we all now have to believe the new story or we're bullies...

Like someone else said, the level of critical thinking skills has plummeted.

And the crazies come out at night time along with the very far fetched scenarios.
I've been on here about five years and have learned don't get dragged into pointless rows about hypothetical scenarios.
I name change regularly and have deleted and registered not for nefarious reasons perhaps an overshare on personal matters and depends what my favourite record is at the time of writing. 😁

Also, I am on X and although I was horrified about how rude people are there, it's almost worse here because it's more personal.

On X you might be called a rape gang apologist because you voted for Starmer. Here you get told that it's no wonder everyone hates you because you're a doormat.

You need to go into the smaller forum areas like SEN and the subgroups of health, or gardening, or style and beauty.

Then change your username practically every time you start a new thread.

Never ever post on AIBU.

Also the moderation is much much better than it was before. If you report a post these day, they act really quickly on it, but you do have to report them.

Style and Beauty is getting almost as bad as AIBU / Chat in some threads now.

There’s definitely a “thick and angry” crowd that likes to start conflicts on whatever thread catches their attention. I’m not a very frequent poster but I also disabled notifications ages ago and only check back on a handful of threads where I’m interacting with the OP, and then usually only check their posts. So the 🧌 are welcome to scream into the void at me if they like. I never even see it. 😂

There’s always been an element of rudeness or nastiness here - and I’ve been around for almost 20 years.

It manifests itself in different ways, though. Back in the day it was very cliquey, with constant calls to ‘MSN, now!’, making it clear that you were either ‘in’ or ‘out’.

As the site has grown, the demographic has also changed and it’s now much more reflective of the whole population, I believe. So you get a much more diverse range of views. And that can provoke strong responses.

One thing I do see more of, though, is people calling ‘bully’ when they’re being disagreed with. Along with the expectation that we should all #BeKind, which is never going to happen! The joy of being online is the freedom to express ourselves genuinely, without having to couch responses such that we don’t offend people. Online interaction is very different from face-to-face interaction, which makes it more direct. Which can be seen as blunt or rude.

As PP have said, if all you read on MN is AIBU, you’re really not seeing what posters are actually like. There’s a huge amount of support here on the various boards. AIBU exists to provoke argument and dissension, therefore it can easily be taken as being nasty or rude.

Interestingly, I don’t think of myself as mean but I do probably spend more time in AIBU than on any other board. I definitely try to be constructive and measured even if I’m disagreeing. Perhaps I don’t always manage it?

Honestly? I think it is more blunt BUT i also think a lot of posters come on here who think they will get:

• validation
• instant agreement with their position
• sympathy and virtual hugs for having made every possible mistake while planning the next one

Lots of posters will come on asking for advice but then make very clear they are going to argue with/ignore all of it. This tends to get people's backs up!

Its really worrying how lacking in resilience a lot posters are. They seem to have literally no clue how to be adults, manage challenges, cope with disappointments, control their kids etc.

I know i'll get flamed for saying it but hey.