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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO EXPECT MY BABYSITTER NOT TO....

90 replies

FacingUpToThis · 27/05/2008 19:57

Have my 2 Ds's in bed with her when we got back from a night out? she was our cleaner, had known her for a year, got v stuck for a night out and asked her to sit, saying she could stay the night as we thought we mught be late back. She brought her dog with her (which I was nervous about as I don't know the dog and have had a bad exp with ds 1 and another dog) and when we got back at 1030 - much earlier than we had planned, found her in the spare room bed where she was stying with both the boys with her. I was so shocked, I just lifted then in silence and put them back to bed, and she got really cross with me and asked me why I didn't trust her - she was so angry I am now starting to question myself.

OP posts:
CrushWithEyeliner · 27/05/2008 20:04

Was she asleep with them? bit odd yes

Did you ask her if they found it hard to settle and they wanted to be with her? I find it hard to believe that she took them in because she wanted to and not them wanting to come in with her iyswim. Did you ask her what the circumstances were or just go in and take them and give her the silent treatment?

triedthemall · 27/05/2008 20:11

This is so wrong, you barely know her and she thinks that it is alright to sleep with your children. I would have kicked her out of the house. For her to get angry with you shows that she has no understanding at all of what it's like to be a parent. never second guess yourself when it comes to your children.

Saturn74 · 27/05/2008 20:13

Did the boys wake up and were distressed?
Perhaps the best way she could think to calm them was to snuggle them up together and comfort them?

RosaLuxembourg · 27/05/2008 20:13

What was the problem with this? I don't understand why it would bother you?

Saturn74 · 27/05/2008 20:16

How old are your DCs?

kitbit · 27/05/2008 20:19

If she was lying down with them on the bed to cuddle them to sleep I probably would think it was a bit odd but not really be bothered. If all three were tucked under the duvet in their jimjams and she looked as though she'd settled in for the night with your little ones as company I'd find it odder! My Mum is a very huggy person and kids just seem to hang off her all the time. I can imagine her ending up in a similar situation if she was asked to babysit but it would be because they had implored her to come and cuddle/stories etc.

HOWEVER that said, if it made you uncomfortable and you instinctively felt uneasy about her being so familiar then that's a good enough reason to react how you did. You are their mother, nobody can tell you how to feel about it nor whether how you are feeling is wrong.

hmm, not much help, sorry

WiiMii · 27/05/2008 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenElizabeth · 27/05/2008 20:21

I'm not surprised she's offended. You had told her she could stay the night, so why should she sit downstairs watching tv when she'd rather be upstairs asleep. The children were also asleep. What harm could they come to?

You used your judgement to decide she was fit to babysit, so why is it so awful that she was in the same room as them????

CrazyMofo · 27/05/2008 20:29

How old are the DCs?

Im not sure i would be too bothered really! She might have just been comforting them as you werent there.

PinkChick · 27/05/2008 20:32

tbh id be more suprprised by her reaction to you putting them back to bed?..why did SHE get cross with YOU asking if you didnt trust her??..why didn she not jsut think you were moving them so all three had proper space and good sleep?..not her place to be sleeping in bed with your children!??..weird IMO

NotABanana · 27/05/2008 20:33

Didn't trust her to do/not do what?

FWIW if you werent keen on the dog going you should have said and I would organise someone you are totally happy with next time you want to go out.

PinkChick · 27/05/2008 20:35

her asking you why you dont trust her would set alarm bells ringing for me, for all she knew you were putting them in YOUR bed for a snuggle, you are their mum, she is the babysitter, she ahd her OWN room tos leep in, the children had theirs!, i dont imagine BOTh woke up and wanted to get in with her?
how old are they?

edam · 27/05/2008 20:36

If it was a babysitter the children and I knew well, this wouldn't bother me. Unless they weren't normally a very cuddly person, I suppose. My sister used to nanny for a mother who was often away overnight and used to sleep with all four of her charges in one (double) bed. And when I babysat for my niece, ended up with dh, ds and dn all in bed together (seemed the only way to get her off).

PinkChick · 27/05/2008 20:39

ill be having one of my mindees overnight soon, we have travel cot ready for her and room set up..if by any cahnce(dear god please let us all sleep that nigh )she doesnt sleep, i wouldnt put her in bed with me!, id kip on the floor till she went to sleep then craawl back to my bed, failing that id stay on floor all night..family is fine but not family/not even close friends is different!

DirtySexyMummy · 27/05/2008 20:39

I am confused.

Why are you angry?

FAQ · 27/05/2008 20:40

My DS's like their own beds - but I wouldn't be bothered if I came back and found a babysitter that I trusted enough to stay overnightt asleep with them.

littlelapin · 27/05/2008 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

windygalestoday · 27/05/2008 20:43

if i trusted someone enough to babysit for my children then i would have no worries about them sleeping with my children.

very ott and from the info supplied extreme.

Original poster
FacingUpToThis · 27/05/2008 20:44

My ds's are 3 and 2, and they always go to bed and don't wander. They don't wake up and wonder where I am. They were asleep and she wasn't. I don't have a problem with my parents having them in bed with them in the morning, but the boys never wake after bed time. I was shocked that she had moved them as they were asleep when I left them, and if I babysit, I would always go to a child in their own bed rather than move them. I felt steam rollered by the dog thing - I am nervous about dogs as ds1 was attacked at 6 months, but it was a work do for Dh which I was told I had to go to, and left as soon as I could.

OP posts:
laura032004 · 27/05/2008 20:44

I wouldn't be bothered by anybody that I'd asked to babysit being in bed with my boys. In fact, this would be a sure way to get them to settle down and go to sleep.

However, anybody that I know well enough to ask to babysit would be very close to my DS's already.

If I came in, and they were in the 'babysitters' bed, I would probably move them so that the babysitter could get a decent nights sleep, and be apologetic that they had had to do this to get them to sleep. I suppose if you hadn't been like this with her when she felt she was doing you a favour she might have been offended.

Original poster
FacingUpToThis · 27/05/2008 20:45

she is yugoslavian - I know that seems outdated, but that is what she calls herself, and will not elaborate when I ask her about post the revolution.

OP posts:
oops · 27/05/2008 20:46

Message withdrawn

laura032004 · 27/05/2008 20:46

Strange that she moved them. Did you ask her why she did that? Or if they'd woken up? Kids often manage to wake up on the one night that their parents are away.

WiiMii · 27/05/2008 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Desiderata · 27/05/2008 20:46

Why haven't you come back to the thread, OP?

Without more detail, it's a bit difficult to arrive at a conclusion at all. Were the boys asleep? Was she asleep?

And when she got cross, what exactly did she say?

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