TO EXPECT MY BABYSITTER NOT TO....

[FacingUpToThis]

Have my 2 Ds's in bed with her when we got back from a night out? she was our cleaner, had known her for a year, got v stuck for a night out and asked her to sit, saying she could stay the night as we thought we mught be late back. She brought her dog with her (which I was nervous about as I don't know the dog and have had a bad exp with ds 1 and another dog) and when we got back at 1030 - much earlier than we had planned, found her in the spare room bed where she was stying with both the boys with her. I was so shocked, I just lifted then in silence and put them back to bed, and she got really cross with me and asked me why I didn't trust her - she was so angry I am now starting to question myself.

The babysitter sounds very very odd and rather aggressive.
Her reaction was a huge overreaction.

I may be totally off here but having heard a great deal about the former Yugoslavia from a refugee I know well, there are things that happened there which would have the potential seriously to disturb people involved, - things even a lover would not discuss.

Perhaps something happened to her over there which has slightly skewed her reactions to normally innocuous situations, or made her extremely defensive - either way, it is not a normal reaction and I would not want to continue the relationship with this woman.

BeauLocks that's what FacingUpToThis said. I'm wondering if most people have missed that bit or it's just too odd to sink in!

Exactly, a littleone2, everyone would be saying something completely different if the babysitter was male! And why? Women can be abusers too! I'm not saying the babysitter in question is abusive, but you can't just say that it wouldn't happen just because she is a woman!

Facingupto this has said many times that the children were fast asleep in their beds and don't as a rule wake up until morning. She also is obviously not comfortable with the fact that the babysitter put the children into her bed. They are Facinguptothis children! She is allowed to say how she feels her children should be cared for!

Had the babysitter been cuddling one of the children in thier own bed, then perhaps it would be more acceptable ie child woke and babysitter settled him back to sleep.

Yes Tinkerbellesmum, I'm starting to wonder if anyone has actually read the thread!

Hi all, am back again - wearing a padded jacket this time to absorb the anger. I do accept that in posting on this thread I am inviting open opinions, and as such am absorbing them, and I do thank those of you who have spoken in support, but I remain uncomfortable about it - have re read posts and realised I didn't mention that ds2 was still in his cot, so couldn't have got out of bed voluntarily. TBH she wouldn't have been my first choice, but I live abroad, in a small expat community and it was one of those do's where all my friends had to go too, so she was my only option. In my defence, I would never mind a babysitter giving my children a cuddle if they were upset, but as I said before, had told her to ring me immediately if they woke, and I would be home very quickly. I have babysat many times, and I always check what the parents want me to do if their children wake up - they have all said either ring them, or bring them down for DVD and a cuddle, and I always do what they want. The dog thing, which I have had abuse about, upset me because I didn't really want it there (my fault for not being clearer), but the dog was on the bed too when I got back, and it made me nervous as ds1 was attacked by a dog when he was a baby, and I had said that to the lady. As to those who said they were live in nannies and had to do that, I admit I would feel differently in those circumstances, but presumably that would be because I knew the person so much better. But I would feel a bit sorry for those who had to do it on a regular basis. Finally, I am not against co-sleeping in principle, but I admit I am outside the family.

Of course it's bloody odd. Both the dog and bed thing.

Facinguptothis, you don't need to defend yourself! They are your children and if you feel uncomfortable with it, then you have every right to!

I would feel exactly the same as you do and I wouldn't use her again.

thank you squirdle - great name btw

I thought you were pretty reasonable, I would have gone nuts and I mean kicked her out of my house in a 'how dare you?' manner.

Seriously weird and freaky

I think it's odd that she took them out of their own beds and put them in with her. The dog being on the bed would make me really angry, especially as she knew how you felt about the dog.

It sounds to me as though she was scared of being alone in the house with two little boys (as in scared of break-ins)- that would explain a lot of her behaviour, including wanting to have the dog on the bed with her...

Thankyou FacingUpToThis

I wouldn't feel comfortable with this either and she had no right to get angry but perhaps you were abit sharp with her and that upset her? If my child ever woke up when the babysitter was here I would expect the babysitter to read them a story or something until they fell back asleep. I would not expect them to move them from their beds.