Fed up of my cousins comments about benefits and UC

[glassor2]

I’m a single mum of two kids, ages 13 and 5. My older son has a relationship with his dad, but my younger son’s dad moved away a couple of years ago and doesn’t see him often-usually once or twice a year. He doesn’t provide any financial support, and since he moves around for work (he used to live in Canada and now lives in Australia), it has been challenging to get child maintenance to chase him.

I work 3-4 days a week (sometimes more if there’s overtime available) and receive a top up from UC. My mum occasionally helps with child care, but she also has a full time job. It can be difficult handling everything on my own, but I manage.

Anyway, I have a family member I'm quite close to, and she often makes comments, not aimed at me, but towards people who claim UC. For example, she mentioned that it's unfair for her to pay almost £300 a month in tax while others can work part time and avoid paying anything (I don’t earn enough to pay tax) and that she has to pay more to subsidise the people that don't. She even told the entire family that she pays almost £400 a month, including national insurance, which made things awkward and nobody knew what to say.

From what I know, she doesn't earn a huge wage, so I can see why it would be frustrating for her to have to pay that much. It's a lot of money. However, it's not our fault, and if she's upset, her anger should be directed at the government, not at those who are rightfully claiming.

Everyone’s situation is different, and some people need help. I never chose to be a single parent, and I can't control the fact that my ex chose to leave and decided not to support his child financially. I'm doing my best, just like many others on UC are.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to upset me, but she is.

AIBU? How do I tackle this?

On UC and childcare costs?

@MugsyBalonz to be honest if someone’s getting decent maintenance on top of that £2300 , they probably can’t be arsed to work full time and deal with hassles ref childcare - it’s in my opinion made it that many single parents getting maintenance don’t actually want full time work because they can get by ok as it is- I’m not saying it’s right, personally I don’t agree with maintenance not being counted in , but I think it’s contributed

Yep

On 22.5 hours in October 2022:
Take home £1526
UC £517 (including £148 of childcare costs)
Total £2043

On 30 hours in July 2025:
Take home £2230
UC £340 (including £190 of childcare costs)
Total £2570

For full transparency, I’ll mention that these were “average” months, because my childcare costs change every month.

Sorry I should have mentioned that my increase in hours came with a higher salaried job but that just demonstrates it is worth it.

Thank you exactly the point I’m trying to make nobody is better off on benefits. It is still and always will be something provided to the lesser fortunate people in society

And pensions. We can triple lock the crap out of those for all eternity apparently.

So yeah, back to the original question. What do you mean tackle it? She's allowed her opinion, it's pretty widespread and mainstream, but even if it wasn't, she's allowed to say and think things you don't agree with. So by tackling it, the only thing you could mean is disagree with her presenting your own case, or ask her not to talk about it, or no longer hang out with her.

That's about it, I think, for options.

Not sure capitalism’s exactly working out for the best either, personally. Or not for those who aren’t wealthy, at any rate.

Oh, the UK is WAY beyond that. I had an American friend tell me it was a socialist country 20 years ago, and I couldn't see it. The UK has slid far far far further left since then. It's pre communist now. I know the usual suspects will shriek and froth at this, but it's just true.

She doesn’t pay that much in tax so she can get off her high horse. I pay around £1200 a month in tax and NI 😢 😢

OPs cousin has mentioned it several time now. So now it's a case of repeating herself.

OP just distance yourself. Your cousin is referring to you also! She is bad mannered.

i started my own business and work really hard at it and it’s doing well. Much prefer PAYE as you never actually have the money in your hands. Having earned money then having to hand over literally thousands and thousands over to HMRC is pretty galling. Of course it’s right to pay tax I accept that but do feel quite rinsed at the moment.

Okay so you have included a wage increase in the second set of figures, so it’s not strictly representative. But the 18 hours of work plus UC have topped you up to a full time wage of £29k equivalent

And so we should.

She’s pointing out she’s better off working more not less and having it subsidised by UC as others have been saying about op being part time

What? I work 30 hours.

My salary is 35k, if I worked full time I’d be on 43k

@cadburyeggso with your 30 hours, your wage plus top ups gives you the equivalent of a £38k salary.

When you worked the lesser hours in your first example, your wage plus top ups gave you the equivalent of a £29k salary.

I just ran the total net amounts through a salary through a salary calculator

I know you’re pointing out that you’re better off for working more. I’m pointing out that UC tops up part time salaries to a fairly decent full time salary. So I can see why those who are working full time for those salaries might be annoyed

I think as I’ve said before that the system is creating issues - we will end up with a load of women once kids have left home suddenly realising they are going to get next to naff all from benefits , especially if they don’t rent - plus sod all of any substance on their CVs. The other big issue is with modest earnings and top ups is that in my opinion it encourages people to remain on their own , especially with kids - now given the arsehole partners and Hs on here I’m not sure if I can say that a bad thing , but I do think it means that many remain separate in order to be able to maximise claims, or in the case of someone I know ‘split up’ But don’t , if you get my drift - he’s round there most of the time but on paper lives at his mums - together they would qualify for nowt, apart they do quite nicely . And for those who think this kind of shenanigans is rare it really isn’t . People talk about tax evasion amongst the well off, those at the claiming level sadly can be absolute masterminds at maximising their screwing of the state - and I’m not a right winger, just sadly very aware how many have this mindset.

the annoyed people who get nothing are often the middle income ( at best) earners in couples with or without kids, married or not .

🤣

Even if your opinion is.. people on universal credit and benefits are taking the piss most people would wait to slag off benefit claimants when they are not in the presence of a friend who claims it. In doing so she is pretty blatantly voicing that your lifestyle is so wrong that she really doesn’t like you.
I have a friend who claims benefits, I have my opinions but I am aware they would upset and offend her, so I keep them to myself in her company.

Ok, so socialism is about the people (through government) collectively owning means of production (which is less clear in these post industrial times but that aside) meaning that systems work for the collective benefit of those working in them rather than a few private individuals. So firstly, interested to hear what feels so terrible about that to you?

Secondly, the pearly clutching about socialism always makes me giggle when this country is SO FAR away from a socialist model it’s ridiculous. We live in a neoliberal capitalist society which over the last 14 years has gone absolutely turbo capitalist and in doing so the gap between the very wealthy, the ‘middle class’ and the poor has widened at a terrifying rate (thanks Boris and all those lovely PPE bungs etc etc etc). The wealthy pay disproportionately less of their overall income back into the system and are effectively hoarding resources at the top (no trickling down that I can see) while the rest of us slog our guts out to pay tax and keep ourselves in a relatively comfortable situation. Which everyone can agree is getting increasingly difficult. And what I think is MOST perverse about this is the sheer number of people who think that the people at the bottom needing top ups from UC to keep a roof over their kids heads and tummy’s fed, often doing essential jobs like nursing are to blame, not the greedy pigs at the top who are frankly pissing themselves laughing at the rest of us mere mortals. I mean, look at the likes of besos, musk et al - do we really think this is how a fair and just society looks? Do you think they give the tiniest shiny shit about what it’s like in the real world? Nah. They don’t.

I would recommend reading up on the impact of inequality across everything including mental and physical health and productivity and then tell me we’re nearly communist. I’d honestly be angry about this comment if it wasn’t so utterly ridiculous. It would be like getting angry with my toddler when she wants to tell me that her yellow crayon is actually purple.

Someone earning 38k full time will be in a totally different position and hourly rate to me so they have no reason to be annoyed when the situations are not comparable.

Interesting how I was told on another thread recently that 100k isn’t a high salary but yet I’m told on a benefits thread that 38k is.

It’s a hard one because I remember being a single disabled adult working incredibly hard just to get by whilst my partner at the times mum admitted she lied about the severity of her mental health so she didn’t have to work. She would laugh about conning the system and saying her anxiety was so severe that she couldn’t leave her home - yet she used her benefit money at the pub each day.

My disability has now got to the point where I have no other choice than to rely on the benefit system, so I can see all aspects of the fact that there are genuine people who use it as a net to give a liveable wage, to help if they are disabled, to help work around children and childcare. There are so many scenarios that it is there and contributes towards helping people - but it can’t stop a lot of us feeling bitter about the people who choose not to work and con the system because they know the system is there that enables these people to do that

@Frazzled83 Hear hear! Very well said.

@Crikeyalmighty I must add on my post that I meant to say ‘’some’ of those claiming are grade A at knowing the system inside out - I’m very aware indeed that there are lots of hard working but low or lowish paid families claiming , often due to very high housing costs or childcare costs and plenty who are genuinely unable to work due to severe illness/disability.