Sister is pregnant, living with Grandparent

[Closetangel]

Hi I would like some advice of how to navigate this situation.
Dsis is 29, she's 9 weeks pregnant by a man she's been seeing for 6 months, they are not in a serious relationship. She lives and cares for my 94 year old Grandmother (she's lucid, and can get around with a walker).
AIBU to think this is selfish of her ? She intentionally got pregnant because they weren't using anything protection, she wants to stay at my Grandmother's but she hasn't told her yet( I think she's reluctant to because I don't think Grandmother will be happy). What so I say that her to get her to think about what she's doing.

She lives and cares for your grandmother, that’s doesn’t take away any autonomy she has for her own life.
If your sister is selfish for having a baby, surely that makes you selfish since you’re not the one who’s a live in carer?

At 9 weeks pregnant is there any need to tell grandma who is 94?

I would stay out of it until you know what your GM reaction is.

Selfish because her having a baby might mean you have to help more?

First comment gets it right....she has her own life to live . And if thats having a baby then that is her choice.
Why not support her

I suppose it depends whether she intends to keep living with your grandmother once the baby arrives, because I’m not sure how happy I’d be to have a baby in the house at that age, with all the noise at night, unless my hearing was so poor that once my hearing aids were out I wouldn’t hear it.

But if your grandmother is using a walker to get around, a growing baby is going to be both a disruption and a potential trip hazard. That’s not to say it isn’t possible, and it may be that your grandmother would enjoy having the baby around, but she should at least have a say in whether your sister has the baby at her house or finds somewhere else to live before it arrives.

So yes, selfish of her to assume your grandmother will be happy for her to do this under her roof with all the upheaval that will entail. But not selfish for wanting to live her life. And if she’s only 9 weeks gone, there is time for you all to come up with a plan for how your grandmother is cared for in the future, whether that’s with your sister and a baby in the house, or your sister moving out and the two of you sharing responsibilities, or bringing in outside help for whatever your grandmother needs.

Has it occurred to you that she is entitled to her own life and doesn’t need to sacrifice it in favour of caring for an elderly relative?

I know, the sister can move out when she has her baby and OP can move in and become the carer.
Easy fix right?
Im sure that’s exactly what OP means and not that the sister should put her life on hold indefinitely while caring for their GM allowing OP to live her life totally unaffected.

She's not in a relationship with this guy, she was sneaking him in behind my grandmother's back. She's known him for a short amount of time. I feel that's irresponsible

It’s for nothing to do with you, it’s not your life.

And this is your business...how?

This is how I feel, the disruption maybe too much. I think best course going forward is to see how my Grandmother feels about it then

She is 29 not 14, she shouldn’t have to sneak around in her own home.
I became pregnant with a man who I wasn’t in a serious relationship with, roll on 16 years and we are married with 3 children. Your sister has to live her life.

You can feel whatever you like but it’s her life.

She shouldn't have to but she is! It's my Grandmother's home and she knows she wouldn't approve which is why she sneaks him in

No, best course going forward is to butt out and let your 29 year old adult sister make her own decisions about her body.

You can feel that all you like. What have you done to care for your grandmother?

She is 29 years old she isn"t a teenager she is entitled to a life and if she is a carer. She probably doesn't have the privilege of a" romantic date night," and sneaking him .in she might not want to offend a nearly 100 year old woman.

Your grandma might like having a baby around, you never know!
Accidents happen and people are careless with protection and get pregnant out of a relationship all the time. They manage!
Does she not work or is she claiming CA?
Why don't you try taking a step back and being supportive and interested rather than judging her and writing her off as irresponsible - even if she did make an unwise choice, it's done now and what's next is up to her

Yeah so you help at all or leave it to your sister and then bitch about what she does in the rest of her life?

Well i suppose she can move out and someone else look after your grandmother.
Really if she thinks her granddaughter should put her life on hold then that is very selfish.
Its quite telling that you are not being supportive. Shows a lot about your family in general.

She does have a chance to go out when she wants, holidays , nights out. She does the majority but when she's out my sister and I will stay overnight or during the day evening.

You sound put out about the inevitable change to the status quo when baby arrives. You may be asked to help out more.

Oh shut up, our Mother had MS, she' was paraplegic and recently passed away. We came together to look after her , don't make comments about my family as you don't know how close we all are . I work full time and have 2 kids. She lives rent free and doesn't work, - we have told we her we will organise care to help her out but she doesn't want that. This is about my Grandmother - it's her house

I'm going to be honest this all sounds like you're more worried about yourself than anyone else.