Sister is pregnant, living with Grandparent

[Closetangel]

Hi I would like some advice of how to navigate this situation.
Dsis is 29, she's 9 weeks pregnant by a man she's been seeing for 6 months, they are not in a serious relationship. She lives and cares for my 94 year old Grandmother (she's lucid, and can get around with a walker).
AIBU to think this is selfish of her ? She intentionally got pregnant because they weren't using anything protection, she wants to stay at my Grandmother's but she hasn't told her yet( I think she's reluctant to because I don't think Grandmother will be happy). What so I say that her to get her to think about what she's doing.

So it's fair to all of you.

But perhaps doesn't acknowledge your sister acting as your GM carer for years. So possibly not fair to her who is clearly doing a lot more caring than the rest of you.

So wind your neck in on the judgements about your DSis life choices because she's been making all of your lives easier for years and you should be grateful for that.

It all boils down to what grandma thinks. She may say she needs to move out, or that she's happy for the baby to stay. I'd phone grandma up and let her know before she becomes bulldozed into it.

Absolutely do not do this. You cannot share someone else's pregnancy so early without their permission. Stick up for grandma if any railroading happens, sure.

Isn't looking after your grandmother work and living rent free her salary?

This all sounds like a heaping helping of not your business. Your sister doesn't require your permission to have relationships or a baby. And if the fact that she's your grandma's carer is totally irrelevant and you just think she's being reckless in her personal life, why did you mention it?

Your sister is big enough and ugly enough to live with the consequences of her actions. This affects you not at all, so stay out of it.

I tend to disagree with the general consensus - I think it’s actually, in real life, it’s pretty much universally accepted that ideally you would live with the father of your child, particularly before that child is even born. You may break up years down the line and not live together, but at the conception stage at least, you’d generally hope that the couple are in an established and settled relationship, for the emotional security of the child.

As for the PP who said there’s no point telling the grandma because she’s 94…. What?? Make it make sense. People live longer than 94 you know 😂

Good old MN!

The whole tone of your posts is appalling. Your sister DOES work as a fulltime carer and I used to care for my mother and know how damn hard it is. It is really telling you see her as not working and living rent free when is your sister is a TWENTY FOUR/7 CARER. You don't get to come home, stop caring, switch off and maybe see friends, go out, see a movie, go to the gym etc. The value you place on caring is demeaning yet you are happy to have your sister as nan's carer. You change the story from she is seeing this guy for 6 months to known him since April. It is none of your business that she is having a child. The issue is that a baby will alter things and your nana has her home and will she be ok with a baby there. Your sister shouldn't be made to feel ashamed for being a consenting 29yo woman dating a guy and wanting a child. You have 2 children. I think the deep down issue is: you are either mad that you might need to take on some care monthly or nana has to go into a care home and the house is sold so bye bye inheritance. Your sister needs to tell her at the safe 12 week mark and you say nana is mentally fine, so let them discuss and not butt in. You helped care for your mum in her final time so change your awful attitude about family who do caring.

To be honest I don’t think you should get involved when it comes to your sister having to tell your grandma. You can speak to your sister and let her know how you feel about her falling pregnant after knowing a guy for only 6 months but whether you want to be supportive about that is up to you but that’s a conversation you need to have in private with your sister. Saying she’s selfish is abit sad to be honest- what if she fell pregnant after being in a serious relationship with a guy she was with for longer? Would you still class her as selfish? Or are you just mad coz she’s living rent free and in your words not working, which I think is wrong for you to say as being a carer is a full time job whether people agree or not.
you’ve said that you have offered night carers so your sister can go out and she’s refused it- doesn’t that tell you something? I do think you are being unreasonable and posting on this forum you need to accept people will give their opinions. I hope it works out with your sister and this guy and I hope you can be a little more supportive about it all.

Your attitude seems to be thinly veiled disapproval of her becoming a single mother. Your dsis is entitled to a life. Has it occurred to you that your dgm might enjoy having a little one around?

You say it isn't concern about the will because that is already done.

If your dsis has put her life on hold to care for your dgm, it's the ideal time for her to have her child, while she's not working, and doesn't need childcare.

Your dgm will know sooner or later and then she can take a decision on whether she wants your dsis to move out or not. Your dsis will then have to approach the council for emergency accommodation.

I don't see a need for you to do anything.

She’s not single. So are you assuming that because they’re unmarried they’ll break up?

Do you now?

You think that your 29 year old sister who has put part of her life on hold to move in and care for your elderly grandparent is 'irresponsible?

Wow

IF that's how you feel, then you do it.

Put your life on hold and move in with your 94 year old grandmother and care for her. Let your sister live her life elsewhere.

I mean i agree that it's irresponsible family planning if she wasn't using contraceptions and isn't in a stable relationship or employment or in a home where a baby would fit in well. She's also quite young to just 'get pregnant cos I really want a baby' I could see someone ten years older doing that thinking it's their last chance. She could have had a serious committed relationship and built a home with the man first, but I did that and then still became a single mum so there is no certainty in this life!

Sounds like the perfect opportunity to start helping out with your grandmother's care! Might give you something to do 😅

😂😂😂

The OP specifically says "She's not in a relationship with this guy,"

So yes, she'll be a single mum.

The OP says they are not in a serious relationship not that they aren’t in a relationship at all. They’ve been seeing each other a few months. You have no idea what will happen, they may not stay together or they may end up together for the next 50 years.

Your sister might want a baby and given the situation has felt that meeting, dating and setting up a home first, has been out of reach. She does need to think practically, though. The first step is telling your grandmother. Her reaction might make your sister rethink things, if the pregnancy has been an accident or impulse. If your sister couldn't have a normal life while living there, she shouldn't have done tbh. As said, very selfish of your grandmother. Give her a few days but telk her that if she doesn't tell her, you will.

AIBU to think this is selfish of her ?

It's not selfish to have a baby. You've had two, are you selfish as well?

She shouldn't have to put her life on hold just because you say so, just because she's been caring for someone. Things will have to change from now on, that's all.