Sister is pregnant, living with Grandparent

[Closetangel]

Hi I would like some advice of how to navigate this situation.
Dsis is 29, she's 9 weeks pregnant by a man she's been seeing for 6 months, they are not in a serious relationship. She lives and cares for my 94 year old Grandmother (she's lucid, and can get around with a walker).
AIBU to think this is selfish of her ? She intentionally got pregnant because they weren't using anything protection, she wants to stay at my Grandmother's but she hasn't told her yet( I think she's reluctant to because I don't think Grandmother will be happy). What so I say that her to get her to think about what she's doing.

It is also her home she is allowed to have sex in it if she wants.

All the silly comments about helping out more are ridiculous. I work full time with 2 young kids, and I help out when I'm free or specifically when she's off on holidays or nights out

I’d just let your sister paddle her own canoe tbh ..

she may get closer to the man she’s seeing as time goes on anyway !

So you have 2 kids? That makes you doubly selfish, according to your rules.
Stop trying to control your sister.

Do you seriously expect her to put her life on hold until your grandmother dies?
Why don’t you suggest she moves out and you move in or have your grandmother live with you?

Whether her life choices are reckless or irresponsible is irrelevant. They’re her choices to make and then deal with the consequences. You’re just pissed off the free carer might not be as available anymore.

Oh no she might also have a child to look after that will be such a headache for you.

She lives rent free and doesn't work

This is very cruel, she's looking after a 94 year old woman.
How about you give up your job to look after her? Oh you can't? Well be glad your sister can help then.
Are you not excited to be an aunt?

So it’s okay for you to have children and a life outside your grandmother but not your sister?

Was everyone actually expecting your sister to put her life on hold and potentially miss out on her chance to have children(grandma could live until 100+). For her to not have sex in her own home.

Your sister does work. She's a carer to her elderly grandmother. Do you think being a carer is a walk in the park?

If your grandmother isn’t happy about it your sister can always move out and she/you can organise for private carers. Having a baby is supposed to be a happy time. Your poor sister. You do know private carers get pregnant too.

Great, so you quit your job, go look after granny and survive on a carer's allowance.

Your sister can have her kid, and move out if granny doesn't want her living there with an infant. Where she goes then is her concern. Maybe she can look after your kids whilst you're caring for granny if childcare isn't an option.

She doesn’t work?! She’s caring for a 94 year old woman with mobility issues. That’s work in my book.

Unless you’re offering to move in and provide full time care yourself- mind your own business.

And stop being so judgemental, she’s a grown woman who is capable of making her own decisions about a baby.

Your sister is entitled to her own life whether you or her grandmother approve of it is irrelevant. You don't even know how your grandmother feels about it so you are making assumptions. She's 29 , an adult and maybe she wants to move out and improve her life , I understand its going to put extra stress on others who may have to take on more of your grandmother's care but that's life things change and you have to roll with it

MYOB. Carers are allowed to have relationships and babies. I think you're just annoyed that you might have to help out more - but you don't. It isn't compulsory.
If (big IF) the baby does cause issues you can speak up. Until then keep your mouth shut. And realistically, she's 94, there's a decent chance she won't live long enough for it to be an issue. I hope you DSIS has a plan for if that happens.

It's interesting that your username is "Closetangel", when this actually sounds more akin to the role your sister plays.

I hope grandma leaves her the house.

Your sister is a grown adult and doesn’t need to ask for permission to fall pregnant even if it’s with a man she’s known for 6 months. It’s her life and she shouldn’t have to put it on hold or not have relationships just because she lives with your Grandmother.

If your Grandmother doesn’t like it your sister can move out. She isn’t serving a jail sentence and doesn’t have to be there.

What so I say that her to get her to think about what she's doing.

Nothing. It's her life and her private business, same as you having two kids. It's her choice to not house herself and to have a kid.

You object to your sister being 'sneaky'. What if, hypothetically, your sister said "I've got a job and I'm going to be renting a flat with my boyfriend. I'm giving everyone two month's notice and after that I won't be Gran's full time carer anymore. We will all need to pitch in equally."
Would that be okay with you?

And now your sister will have one child. These are not silly comments and your situation doesn't trump hers. The reality is that your sister probably won't be able to do as much caring for your grandmother, she might not even want to once she has a child of her own to consider. That will be her priority, not your grandmother. As a family, you will need to discuss and agree who will fill the gap, and if it can't be you because you are busy with your job and your own family, it might mean social care or care home.

Absolutely!

Having been the person who was left to look after their grandmother, I feel sorry for your sister. She has to sneak around to have any kind of boyfriend because your grandmother wouldn't like it?! She's a grown up for goodness sake, she shouldn't have to sneak around at all.
I was 14 when I was left to deal with my grandmother- I loved her, but my God, I'd give anything for those teenage years to not have been filled with feeling guilty when I did go out.
Try showing some empathy for your sister. Your grandmother, if she wishes to still have her looking after her, is going to have to accept that your sister is going to have a baby.
Trying to make out that you help out occasionally just makes you look even worse to be honest. You're quite happy for your sister to do the bulk of the work and then you choose to judge her for her other decisions. Do you think you have a say in any other part of her life, I wonder.

She’s giving you seven months notice of a change of circumstances. That’s literally the only difference. Talk about illogical.