Devastated - can't believe my builder did this

[INFJismyvibe]

Bit of backstory - we've been having an extension done on the house, it's taken well over the agreed time (almost a year over) but we've been mainly patient about it. Builders have been dumping stuff in our garden, making it unusable for the most part. Everything was overgrown as I've been unable to mow the lawn or trim down the bushes, but I've been OK with that. I knew that once they cleared their crap from the garden, I could get back to gardening and sort it out. My garden had some beautiful, well established plants and fruit trees, and some taller bushes that worked as an extra privacy screen, which we really need from our neighbours. Without those, the neighbours can see into my kitchen.

Some of the plants were of sentimental value, gifts from my mum, a plum tree growing from a cutting that my aunt gave me, from my grandma's garden, etc.

The building work has meant I've been unable to use my garden - which was my sanctuary - this summer and last summer.

Anyway, on to current day.
I've been away on holiday with my (older) kids. Dh stayed home for various reasons.

Builder has been in, finishing up on the house. His dad came along (he sometimes helps builder out on projects) and asked Dh if he's OK to clear the garden. Dh naturally assumed he meant all their builder's mess - bags of cement, wood palettes, etc etc. I've been saying for a while that I can't wait for all that to go so that I can tidy up the garden and even be able to access the washing line again.
So Dh said yes please clear it up, and then left for work.

The guy brought in a team of men and they removed everything. Every single plant, bush, tree. Completely removed the lawn (which, to be fair, was riddled with weeds and needed returfing anyway).

But it's completely bare.

All my beautiful beautiful plants, my sentimental ones, my privacy ones. All gone.

Dh didn't tell me until the car journey home as he didn't want to ruin my holiday. But i've just returned home a couple of hours ago, and I'm absolutely devastated. Don't even care about the rest of the work thats been done while I was gone. Struggling to even talk to Dh about holiday or anything else. Completely ruined my return home.

I know some may say, ah it's just plants.... But they cost so much money and effort and time, and can't be replaced just like that. I'm going to have to spend hundreds to fill it up again, and it's going to take years for them to establish. And it needs so much extra work and attention now.

Gutted. Aibu for feeling this way.

Any advice? What do I say to the builder? Dh didn't say anything at the time as he hates confrontation but wtaf?!! And now the builder will think I'm being unreasonable. But it was my sanctuary, my space, my privacy.

Ps please forgive any spelling errors, I've barely slept.
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Not sure I agree completely. Although understand the point and would probably be glad to see the back of them but there were plants with history - trees that had come from a loved garden - this is just vandalism. Plants are expensive anyway, they’ve stolen your property AND some of them were irreplaceable. it’s surely a very swift phone call to the builders to say my husband is a tool and I want my plants back if they are still in a skip somewhere. You don’t pull out trees for goodness’ sake. And how could they imagine that ‘am I ok to clear the garden?’ means pull out trees, it simply doesn’t. OP call them today and stand your ground. And OP I’m sorry but however much my husband didn’t like confrontation I would be furious with him if he saw this happen and didn’t stop it after the first shrub. It’s ridiculous!

That was my thought too. Does OP know for a fact that builders mother has cancer. I sound like a heartless bitch but have had 2 builders lay the “ wife/ mother has cancer” story and in one case at least builder was a crook ( made it into local papers, sentenced and went to prison). Also member of staff has had an accident, can’t come today I’m off to A and E, etc etc. It’s usually a prelude to going missing on the job.

Do you have before and after pictures? Posting them here might help you get better advice but you also need them for legal action, which you must absolutely consider taking. Step 1 would be to withhold part of the final bill then the onus is on him to sue you for the money. £1k is probably not enough.

Did he dig out the shrubs and trees or just cut them down to stumps? This is insane- nobody cuts down trees without proper discussion. I was gutted enough when my husband failed to water my window boxes and the plants died when I was away, can’t imagine how this must feel.

Sounds like some mis-communication going on here. I’d be gutted too😢

Yes it may be a lie, but people do get cancer,and people do die every day and presumably some of them are related to builders

Especially when the renovation overran by nearly a year (!!!), they managed to do a huge job in 8 hours? Sure

I thought OP made the thread because she is understandably upset. However, she is vague on details about what was agreed apart from "clear the garden". She doesn't say what the scope of works includes, so we are all speculating based on "clear the garden", which means different things to different people.

I'm not saying the builder was necessarily right, but I can see why there was a misunderstanding when after allowing the garden to be neglected and used as a dump for years, the husband gave instruction for the builder to clear it without any further clarification and left them to it.

Oh op that’s awful. Why on earth would they do that? I’m so sorry I’m not surprised you are devastated.

How big is the extension? A single storey takes 12 weeks max and frankly that’s being generous. This builder sounds useless. He will definitely try and charge you for this clearing work. I would be billing him personally to replace all the plants

@Cinaferna maybe the Cancer Research Institute urgently needs to commission a multi centre study into builders’ wives and mothers’ cancer risk, as it seems to be phenomenally high.

I'm another one who thinks they've created extra work for themselves to boost their earnings. Some ropey tradies are highly skilled in 'assuming' that large amounts of chargeable extra work are wanted - which they see as their right - without ever asking the householder first, for fear that they will say No.

Even if they did think the trees and plants were unwanted, they would surely ignore them and just clear the mess that they had made in the course of the job - the stuff that would all have neatly gone straight into a skip had they been competent builders. It's as absurd as them fitting a new kitchen for you and then, completely unbidden, going and randomly redecorating your spare bedroom afterwards.

Nobody is going to do a whole load of extra bonus work for free, out of the goodness of their hearts, without even asking if you want it doing. Maybe a very minor finishing flourish, if they take pride in their work (clearly unlike these people), but not a whole extra intensive job - that anybody with half a brain would instantly know wasn't wanted.

I feel so devastated for you. Such an irreplaceable loss.

I've had well intended builders throw away my belongings under the heading of 'cleaning up' but none of them have ever had such sentimental value. Even then it was really upsetting.

That's horrible, I completely understand and you are not being unreasonable.

I had a similar thing happen a few years back although not to that extreme; I was catching up with a friend and I had someone cleaning our Windows ar home. My dh was at home and she asked if she could cut some of the branches from the star magnolia in front of our window so that it was easier to clean. DH said "sure" went upstairs to the home office and upon return noticed with horror she had cut the magnolia to almost half its size and destroyed its beautiful shape completely! It wasnt in bloom yet to be fair so to her it was probably just some boring tree. But like you I was devastated; this tree was small but beautiful when we bought the house and and literally grew up with our children, taking photos of them when it was in bloom every spring etc. And once the leaves came it was the perfect privacy shield from the street . It has grown out since but is very weirdly shaped, it used to be a pretty upside down Diamond shape/ Christmas tree shape iyswim.

I hope you can restore your garden with new meaningful and pretty plants OP!

You haven't confirmed whether this was a multiple day job? Surely it must have been so how did your husband not see what was happening.
And have they actually dug up trees? This is a huge undertaking surely.
As well as sounding like it would fill an entire tip at big cost.
This sounds hugely implausible

I can't even understand how this can be a misunderstanding. When garden is full of building crap "clear up garden" would never mean "let's pull put every living thing, even the grass". Hope they dont even think about charging you for it. Do customers ever hope that the builders would do that unless it has been specifically discussed?

Pitifully slow work is rarely because they can't work faster - especially when they seem fully capable of massively and suddenly picking up the pace when they want to.

It's invariably being strung out for some deliberate reason - either they're paid by the day/hour rather than by the job; or they're prioritising a bigger job for somebody else and treating yours as a 'bit on the side' extra earner whenever they get chance to fit it in.

@INFJismyvibe

I don't want to sound too cynical but builder's mothers/wife/cat often have stage four cancer or die. I have known many a builder to trot out this excuse.

Your husband’s excuse that he “hates confrontation” is utterly, utterly pathetic. I believe that he did not expect the garden to be cleared the way it was, the theories that he did it on purpose are outlandish. However, he prioritised his own social comfort over taking immediate action to deal with a situation that he knew would cause you severe distress. What a total waste of space. And to be honest if he has passively allowed building work to go over by a year he’s already got form for being a total pushover.

In a situation like this where they may be a dispute as to what was said it is VITAL to take swift action before “memories fade” and when there could even be a chance to salvage things like cuttings. Honestly, what do you see in this useless, selfish man?

Yes, but for an entire year? And they then managed to clear and established and overgrown garden, plus building waste, in one working day?

I wouldn't advise you "go mental" anyway but even if he has an ill relative you should still be VERY clear with him how unhappy you are.
I had a gardener do similar, I wanted a tidy up and and left him to it but he left and his assistant ripped out plants that had taken 15 years to grow. I cried when I got back from work

WTF? He’s a builder so he can’t possibly have anything other than fake grass? Get to fuck with this snobbery.

OP this sounds awful - but really bizarre.

This would have taken a very long time and created enough waste for several skips / grabbers. I can't understand how this all happened in the space of a few hours?

There is a difference between "clear up the garden" and "clear the garden". The first, I agree would mean to tidy it, the second could easily mean to fully clear it in order to start garden again from scratch when it has been a dump and neglected for years.

OP hasn't said what the scope of works states and OP wasn't there when her husband gave the go ahead on the day. He said it was a misunderstanding, which would make me wonder if he agreed for them to "clear the garden", and that this is also what is included in the contract.

As far as we know, the builder hasn't asked for additional payment. Clearing the garden entirely is a big job to do without payment if not included in the scope of works.

But DH also agreed that the builder could 'clear the garden' without a written agreement so he's also at fault.

Like others, I’m not sure how your DH didn’t notice if he was at home. Removing trees and established shrubs is a big and often noisy job re power tools. I also don’t understand how they’re left your garden being unusable for so long either. Rubbish should have been skipped as they went.

I have learnt the hard way that you need to be crystal clear about scope of works for everything. Much smaller example but earlier this year we were expecting a light hedge trim for about £150. Has used the same guys every year. I said something in passing to one of the guys on site which we both misinterpreted and actually got a very hard cut back and massive £600 bill.