Dads partner leaving him homeless after her death.

[Tray80]

Appology in advance for the huge thread but mainly feel like I need to vent so here goes! My dad and his partner have been together for 26+ years, living together in her home for 22 years. Although I was close to my dad as a child, our relationship dwindled as I approached my adult years. I guess he just stopped making an effort once he met my stepmum, as they tended to spend most of their spare time with her kids and grandkids.

Even though they only live 20 mins drive away they never visited including when my babies were born. They put mine and my kids birthday/xmas cards in the post every year. We speak on the phone a couple of times a month( when I make the effort) and I call around to see them half a dozen times a year, always bearing gifts on special occasions for eg birthdays, fathers day, Xmas etc, so basically it's always me making the effort. It used to really hurt my feelings when I'd see how much effort they both made for my stepmums side of the family but after 20 years of seeing it I just learned to live with it.

For the past few years my stepmum has had a terrible run of health. My dad has retired to take care of her as she has been wheelchair bound for quite some time. Unfortunately she's now been diagnosed with cancer and has been told that there's a 50/50 chance that she may not make it through her operation next week. Needless to say the whole family is devastated, including my dad. I called to see them last week and while walking in the garden my dad broke down and told me that he doesn't know how he'll carry on living without his partner. I can tell its taken a huge toll on his health too as he's stopped eating and taking care of himself and even had a nasty fall, which is so unlike him.

Today I received a call from my stepmum. I was really shocked when her number came up on my phone as she's only rang me twice in 23 years. She told me that she wanted to talk to me while my dad was asleep. She said she wanted to lay down the ground rules of how things would play out for my dad if she was to pass away during her surgery next week. It was explained that as the house was legally hers, as it was in her name, she would be leaving it in trust to her 2 children and grandkids, meaning that if she was to pass away, then my dad would be homeless. Apparently she had explained this to my dad a few weeks previous, which timed in with the fall and his sudden run of bad health. I believe this to be due to stress as he'd just been told that in 2 weeks he could possibly be loosing the love of his life, and now also his home. I know that my dad has always been aware that the house was hers and hers only but I don't think he was expecting to be turfed out so fast. I could kind of understand the rush if my stepmums family were struggling financially but they're all very well off. I asked about my dad's financial situation, if he had a bit of a nest egg to get himself on his feet if the worse was to happen and she said that she doesn't know, as they've always kept their finances separate. She mentioned she didn't trust him to take care of the house after his fall. She added that she thinks that once she's gone my dad will probably just give up on life and not be far behind. She also pointed out that hes very lucky that hes been able to live mortgage free for 20 years.

I can't begin understand the stress she's under with the surgery loomimg and the possibility of not making it out. I really don't want to see her in a negative light as I know my dad loves her more than life itself and they both need kindness and support more than anything right now, but the conversation I had with her last night has left me with a bitter feeling. She asked me not to tell my dad that we'd had that conversation, which I will respect. I just don't understand why she'd told me at all, as it clearly wasn't out of concern for my dad but rather a concern that he wouldn't leave the house when shes gone. I feel maybe she was prepping me as she knows he'll be landing on my door step when her kids sell the house, which in turn seems like a smack in the face when neither of them have ever made any effort with me or the kids. I just keep looking at my husband and trying to put myself in her situation. Could I purposely leave my husband financially destitute? I couldn't! The other part that is bugging me is that if all goes well for her then she'll be at home being cared for once more by my dad, the same man she was turfing out on the streets if the worse was to happen. I feel as though hes just being used. I really hate feeling this bitterness about the situation and I know I'm feeling overwhelmed by it all so hoping that someone else's take may help me see it all in a different light. Am I being unreasonable in feeling like this? If you made it to the end then thanks for sticking with me!🤷‍♀️🤯

Your dad 100% needs to know and please get legal advice for your dad - this seems wrong on so many levels. Your dads partner could give him the gift of life where your dad stays in the house until he passes, but it sounds like his partner would be unwilling to do that as she just wants her children to inherit the house. Meanwhile your dad has been the carer here without a leg to stand on!
You say your dad has a good relationship with the partners children, but you really don’t know how they’ll react when and if their mum passes…. And you sound like a wonderful daughter, who despite what’s happened, is trying to help her dad out…

I know of a similar situation

Man moved into a mortgage free property owned by a woman with grown up children

Never married

Man died first in this case

The property went to the woman & her family

The woman protected her assets
They never married
There was a will
Nothing was contested

I am sure that your DF is aware of his exact situation, especially if he has lived 20 years mortgage free !

Secondly, if he gave up his job to care, he should have claimed carers allowance if he is under state pension age. This also pays National Insurance contributions towards state pension & other benefits.
You cannot claim carers allowance over state pension age.
People can claim attendance allowance over state pension age.

This may sound harsh but your dad made all the decisions that led him to this outcome.

He can’t now expect you to solve his housing problems. He will just have to come up with a plan. See what money he has, come up with options. This woman and her children have become his focus instead of you. He is now facing g the consequences of all those decisions. He is an adult- he will work it out.

I agree that any decent person would give her partner the right of residence until his death. He is her carer and she plans to make him homeless in return.

In saying this, the OP's father has lived rent-free in the house for 22 years and should have made provision.

These are some cases where the court has ordered provision for a surviving cohabiting partner. I think your dad would have a pretty decent shot given the length of relationship and his caregiving:

• In Negus v Bahouse [2008] 1 FLR 381, the claimant was in a relationship with the deceased for nine years. The deceased’s net estate, worth £2.2 million, was left entirely to his son. The court upheld the claimant’s claim and transferred to her, free of mortgage, the flat she had shared with the deceased, which was owned in the deceased’s sole name and valued at approximately £400,000; together with a lump sum of £240,000. This was to provide a standard of living for the claimant equating to that which she had enjoyed during the deceased’s lifetime.
• In Cattle v Evans [2011] EWHC 945,* *the claimant Christina (Tina) and the deceased had been co-habiting. The deceased died intestate, leaving two adult children – Paul and Gareth – who inherited his estate under the Intestacy rules. Although Tina owned a property, her financial position was precarious and she was unable to work. Prior to his death the deceased had purchased a property in Wales in which he and Tina were living. If she was forced to move out, she would have to move back to her own property and claim benefits.
• Whilst the court found that Tina had not been frank with regard to financial matters, nevertheless it held that reasonable financial provision had not been made for Tina’s maintenance and, whilst transfer of the Welsh property would be excessive, a suitable property could be purchased for around £110,000 closer to Tina’s children in Northampton; it was held that this should be purchased and held on trust for Tina for life, with remainder to the deceased’s sons, who were also to receive the balance of the estate.
• In Swetenham v Walkley & Bryce [2014] WTLR 845, the claimant Beryl Swetenham was in a 30-year relationship with the deceased. They kept their financial affairs separate and the deceased owned his own property. The court held that a second home was not a barrier to living in one household. The judge stated that, while there was an informality in the financial arrangements, it was Beryl’s house that functioned as the ‘family home’. She carried out all those things that a woman of her generation would have considered it natural to do for the man in her life. The Judge concluded that the couple had lived together as husband and wife in the same household for the purposes of the 1975 Act, despite the apparent lack of sexual relations between them. An award was made to enable Beryl to purchase a heightened care plan to cover her increased care needs and to allow for other contingencies. A total award for Beryl’s maintenance was made of £201,219.

honestly OP, i think you need to get out ahead of this.

it will mean you have to swallow your understandable disappointment/resentment about having to clean up a mess that is entirely not of your making.

if you leave it to him, i would venture to guess that he'll turn up at your door with his worldly belongings, and you'll have to deal with it under the pressure of him literally having nowhere else to go.

if you let him stay with you, it will be hard to get him out.

i think you and your dad need to have a very open conversation about how he will deal with the situation, what funds he's got, what his options are etc, and come up with a clear plan.

even if SM survives her operation, if her health is fading, it's entirely possible he'll be facing the issue at some point in the near future anyway

it sounds incredibly likely that in this event, he will be looking to lean heavily on you.

better for both of you to know what is going to happen, and for you to be reassured that

1. your dad will be ok
2. you can maintain the distance/involvement you are comfortable with

@sophistitroll In your families case I’m sure thats true.
But we are talking about the OP’s absent Dad, who is unmarried to the “step-mum” and we have no idea if there’s any spare money sloshing about to be available for a “future house repairs trust’
As I said, letting him live his days out there potentially puts a financial millstone round her kids necks so I can understand why she’s done it.
All of the financial and legal responsibilities of being a landlord but with zero rent!

You don’t owe her anything and you don’t need to keep her confidences. Tell your dad straight that she has had this conversation with you, make it clear that he won’t be moving in with you and he had better start making his own plans now, whether she survives the operation or not. Wish him luck- but it’s really not your problem, in my opinion.

Well there are several points here, from a detached outsider’s perspective.

• she has used him to the max. Pumped him for house work, house maintenance, caring and the whole lot - then plans to make sure he has nothing when he dies. She’s as cold as ice. She obviously should have let him live in the house until he dies, but if she was concerned, she could have capped it at 5yrs or whatever. What really shows how cold she is is when she says he wouldn’t take care of it - which, he is already doing - it’s straight up lies.
• that said, he’s chosen this course of action with his eyes open - he knew the situation. He let it happen. And worse, he has neglected you like you are shit on his shoe. This woman has seen this, and probably encouraged it, but now expects you to step up and deal with him? No.
• If she dies, you should just do nothing. Leave him to sort his own mess - he didn’t even give a shit when you had babies. Didn’t give a shit about seeing them and didn’t give a shit about helping you out emotionally, physically or financially. So why now would you take your time and attention away from those babies to sort his mess out? No.

I would do nothing. Just see how it plays out and leave him to negotiate with the step children who he’s spent so much time and effort on. See if they do actually chuck him on the street. Don’t let him stay a single night with you - because if you do, the council won’t see him as homeless. You can explain this to him - they won’t help him if he’s got somewhere to go. He needs to be an emergency so that they house him - so if the step kids put him on the street, so be it. He chose all of the shit that preceded this and you should not help. It will be counterproductive to council assistance if you help. I’d stay right out of it.

Has she other money though? ( leaving the house aside) that she may be giving to your dad in the will? Because to me the easiest and fairest thing would have been to make it a 50/50 will . 50% to her kids, 50% to him. Ok he will have to move out and probably rent but will have the wherewithal to do so . I would actually ask her OP if she has made provision for him at all - if she hasn’t, then I would be telling him to be getting a new place to live smartish , even if it’s a rented over 55 flat and leave it up to her to sort carers etc., because clearly she doesn’t remotely value the fact he’s been her carer- I also disagree hugely with the poster who said his step family owe him nothing. The fact he has been her carer and presumably will be now expected to be so too means that they will inherit assets that would have otherwise been needed financially to provide care . If I was the step children I would feel incredibly bad about that . Then again some people are just greedy buggers and don’t care.

I don’t understand how people leave themselves so financially vulnerable in relationships.

Don't hope. Plan as I suggested. Talk to housing associations for order people. Do it now. He may want out if she survives the operation. She's an alcoholic so her chances are lessened. Meanwhile he's waiting for the axe to fall.

This may sound harsh but your Dad is a grown man and has had 26 years to plan his financial future! Is really up to him to work out what he wants to do. He knows he doesn't own the house, he could have been added to mortgage or bought a shared house with his partner or could have got married but he chose not to. Assume he decided he would just rent when the time came.
I'd just talk to him about what his plans are. Hopefully if he's been mortgage free for 26years he will have some savings and a pension to rent a council house?.

Yeah this is what I'm thinking to be honest. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't imagine behaving the in the way the step mum is. She could make some sort of provision for him to say in the house temporarily but he sounds like he's done nothing to provide for himself, or her, and should have thought about this situation long ago.

I am in the situation in reverse. My mum's partner has been living in her house with her for 30 years. They aren't married, he has never paid a penny into the house (he asked to be put on deeds many times) and the house is going to my siblings. She has told me to help him find somewhere, it would most likely be sheltered housing, so there is absolutely no risk that we would "turf him out". Even though everyone knows the score, I most certainly see trouble on the horizon should she die first. I know his DC are not happy about this and can see them squatting in the house, destroying it or something as similar.

I like it when someone turns up on the thread who knows what they’re talking about.

Your Dad should gave prepared for this long ago. It’s completely understandable thag she wants to leave the house to her children. Has your Dad contributed financially to the house, as if so he has a claim.

What a heartless cow. We have a similar situation, my mum lives in a house paid for when my Dad was alive. She was since met and moved in her partner who she’s now been with for 20 years, my kids call Grandad etc. the rule in her will is that we either have to let him live in the house or provide a suitable alternative property (for free) for the rest of his life. This is in there was their current house has lots of stairs and he might prefer a one level flat at some point. I would never dream of turfing him out for some inheritance!

Some facts:

1. OP’s dad already knows the situation. He’s always known it, but it’s been clarified again over the past few weeks. It sounds to me like either he isn’t taking the situation seriously or his DP is genuinely worried and giving OP a heads up so she can support her dad.
2. He has only paid for utilities and holidays over the years. He has no stake in the house at all. He has benefitted far more than he’s lost. I’m not sure why posters are pretending otherwise. Where was the rest of his wage going?
3. He’s been a truly shit dad and grandfather over the years.

Quite why so many posters think he should be owed anything more is beyond me.

If OP wants to help him at all, she can have a frank conversation keeping emotions aside and find out whether he’s a) put aside any assets over the years, b) help him practically after/if the time comes and support him by finding his own accommodation.

I think it also needs clarifying whether he could even afford the upkeep of the house if she did let him stay in it. Considering he’s now living off a pension (and not by the sounds of it any savings), could he afford the maintenance and bills, or would it be expected the children need to foot the bill whilst he remains there as it’s their property?

I see this as self induced vulnerability. If you have been happily living for decades without housing costs, you have been very foolish if you haven't saved something to invest elsewhere.

Some of us have been saying the same thing early on this thread.

I wouldn't be taking him in. It sounds like this is what that conversation was really about – preparing you to take your Dad in and be full time carer to him when it's needed. It's hard but I would have a frank conversation with your Dad about what his plans are if his partner is to pass away and making it clear that, while you'll help, you aren't in a position to put him up.

This is almost exactly like my own situetion

except my dad died. Leaving my step mother. Who now statuses me dad who had at least £700k in his bank of selling some houses. Apparently died with nothing…not a single penny.

Yes I understand there is a clause referencing long-term cohabitees, but the one i’ve read specifically mentions that they also have to have been financially dependent on the deceased person who owned the property. I’m struggling to understand how Op’s dad would qualify in this instance, having worked but also had low living costs.

And tell her clearly he won’t be getting a home with the op. She’s deluding herself that she’s not tossing him out on the streets. Op, suggest to your dad someone else prep and take her to the hospital, he doesn’t need to hold her hand she has kids for that, he needs to pack.