Maintenance Payments Ending

[Hula0565890]

The spousal and child maintenance payments between me and my ex are due to end in September as per the court order. From Oct all costs of our kids will then be shared evenly between us.

My ex earns at least 3 times the amount I currently do. AIBU to ask if they will be willing to split the costs more than 50/50 in light of this, appreciating this cannot be enforced?

Why shouldn't their wealthy father stump up? Not for the sake of OP, but for his kids.

Do we know if he is/isn't willing to do that?

This is an arrangement your adult children need to work out with their dad. You let them know what money you can contribute each month. They can discuss with their dad how much he will contribute. Then if they need more, they need to earn it. I would do nothing more than let them all know that whatever they arrange is between them, but given your income level, all you can afford is x amount (accounting for any housing, water, internet, phone you are already funding).

Best advice I can give is to apply to the court for a continuation of any financial support, because once they are 18, and have left school, he is not legally obliged to give them anything at all, without a court order in place. This MUST be applied for before their 18th birthday. I wish someone (my solicitor) had told me this, when my son went to uni. My son got nothing, despite our prior verbal agreement.
If you already have a court order for 50/50 you (and your children) are extremely lucky,and you are unlikely imho to get any more.

If they're 18, they're legally adults. He doesn't have to pay anything anymore. They can get student loans and work part.time jobs. If you are part time, you could increase your hours.

GAJLY · Today 08:45

"If they're 18, they're legally adults. He doesn't have to pay anything anymore. They can get student loans and work part.time jobs. If you are part time, you could increase your hours."

The student loan for their tuition is paid directly to the university. The maintenance loan for their day to day living costs is dependent upon parental income.

Student loans are based on resident household income, not parental income as such (so my DDs loans are based on me and my DH income, not me and their Dads - there is a whole other arguement to be had there).
If your income is lower OP they will at least qualify for a higher amount of loan - I suppose then it would be worth negotiating how much you and your ex are each able to contribute to your DC.

there are various circumstances where CM will continue after 18. Only you know all circumstances so I would contact CMS and talk to them

I can’t be the only one wondering if there’s no relationship between the twins and their father. If so, sadly, that means he is unlikely to pay for their adult choices. Their loans will have been worked out on their main residence, so they aren’t any more disadvantaged than others with a similar household income to OP.

Of course payments stop they are adults! Or did you want your ex to support you for ever, they are adults uni or not they will have to work, good for him if your ex earns a good wage, your kids will be off your hands you can do the same,

You have just made all of that up based on nothing.

I think the responsibility of the ex is to fund the kids. Not the resident parents lifestyle.

Take this example. A four bed house. Two kids go off to university. Resident parent says I can't afford to fund the kids and live in this house, you need to pay more.

Non resident parent says, no, my responsibility is to 50% fund the kids. If you want to live in a house that is too big and you can't afford to maintain while funding the kids with your 50%, then that's your problem not mine. You should sell up, get somewhere cheaper and use the money to fund your 50% share.

I get the impression its the spousal support you want to continue rather than the child maintenance.

He can support them directly with uni now, you dont have to be involved in that.

Misogyny is alive and well on this thread.

In which case surely the obvious thing is for them to ask their dad if he'll help?

Supporting the DCs directly may well be the decent thing to do, but he's certainly not obliged to pay anything to their mum

And that shitty attitude has led to my 21-year-old having to spend a summer sleeping on a sofa because that is exactly what my ex did forced us to massively downsize. When actually there was no need for it. I could more than afford the property but he put me into a position where I wasn’t allowed to keep it.
I have a bed. The other child has a bed. The only person that suffered as a result of this is our other children. They have no sense of stability no sense of safety net for a place they can return to after university. They’ve paid through the nose for things that other young people haven’t had to.
It’s a dick move that should be avoided if possible

If you could afford it, how were you forced to downsize? If he wanted his equity from the former family home, that’s understandable.

No it's not not ,having a difference of opnion is not misogyny.

Exactly this. They are adults now, and need to have an adult relationship with their father.

If you are low-earning then they should get the full university loan - find out what the parental contribution should be, and then perhaps suggest to them that you will pay half of this. Go through the finances with them, so they understand.

The children can get PT & holiday jobs

He can pay the children directly some money if he wishes to

No, it’s not understandable at all even if that was the case but actually there was no equity in the property. He just wanted his name off the Mortgage so that he could put his name on the new Mortgage with the new woman.
And guess what? Five years later he still hasn’t.
oh, and we have a 15 year-old so Housing him should’ve been a priority for the courts but it wasn’t. It isn’t.

As they are adults they are responsible for arranging their own finances. If hey need money from their parents it's their job to arrange that with the both of you.

You need to step back, OP. All you can do is arrange the financial agreement between yourself and your children. Your ex can do the same directly with his children.

At 18 surely you both sit down with your twins separately and let them know what you can afford/are willing to give them as financial support. If that's not enough, they top it up with student loan and part time work?
My parents were separated before I started uni and this is what they did.

Child maintenance legal obligations cease when the "child" finishes secondary education, unless a court order stipulates that it continue through university. OP will not be entitled to anything from exDH unless a court mandates it.

Which is where my comment about the judge came in to play
The OP I believe can get yourself back to court ASAP and ask a judge to amend the original order.
The fact that you had one in the first place means the precedent has been set in terms of support and might well help going forward
But as I say it very much depends what the judge has had for breakfast

Your OP only refers to "earnings", and we've established that plenty of people receiving benefits refer to them as their "earnings".

What are you doing to maximise your earnings? Are you or will you be living beyond your means when spousal maintenance stops? What have you been doing to save money for DC for university, given that you've had years of maintenance payments?

If DC have a good relationship with DF, there's no reason they can't ask him to help them through university in the same way as any other parent would do. The issue of you no longer receiving that 50% of their living costs is yours; they are adults and can contribute to your household from their own funds, or you can continue to provide their home as your 50% contribution, while their DF pays his 50% direct to them for their university costs.

Differences in income between the pair of you shouldn't come in to it; DC costs are X amount and you both pay towards them.