To think men only get praised for doing the bare minimum in relationships because expectations are on the floor?

[CandidUmberUser]

“He cooks.” “He listens.” “He doesn’t cheat.”
Wow. Nobel Peace Prize incoming.

Yep.
My DH thinks I should be grateful when he cooks, but I don’t see any gratitude for the cleaning/washing/food shopping/weeding

Praised by whom?

Expectations from whom?

This is not a dynamic in my relationship or my friends' relationships. Only you are responsible for sorting your own expectations out.

Totally agree that expectations of men and boys are on the floor. It's truly pathetic to be praising a man for pulling his weight with housework, or taking care of his own kids. Also pathetic to expect a woman to be grateful that she has a man who does those things. When men do these things it's hard work and isn't he wonderful. When women do them, it doesn't even get acknowledged, it's just what women do and it has no merit at all

All sorts of bullshit about how men 'can't multitask' or 'don't see mess' and indulgent eye rolling about 'you know what men are like'. It's a societal problem

Fair but that doesn’t mean the dynamic doesn’t exist elsewhere. It’s all over social media, tv programmes, even threads on here: men being applauded for basic decency in relationships. I’m not saying all relationships are like this but I do think there’s a wider cultural pattern of women being expected to give more, while men get gold stars for showing up. It’s less about individual couples and more about the societal norm we’ve quietly accepted.

Yep.

When I constantly read that modern dating is broken because most women just want the top men I think “on what planet?”

Women’s standards for men a rock bottom.

The bar is in Hades.

It's astonishing to think you're asking too much whilst only getting crumbs

yes
had discussions with a couple about my DD, who had recently dumped her boyfriend because he was basically a knob. And their response was 'ah well, never mind, he was a nice lad really. At least he never did drugs or was physically abusive to her, was he?'.

I was speechless

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNduFjE67/

Your post reminded me of this

I’ve just ended things with a man after 6 months for low effort.
We had one proper day out in all that time.
Mostly we went to the cinema as he got free tickets and had evenings watching TV in the house. I did tell him I would like to do more.
He seems to be surprised.
He’s also now saying all the right things. How he will now start making an effort. This should have still been the honeymoon period.
We are both 55, I’m not prepared to wait for him to change and I don’t have the energy to train a grown man in how to be a decent partner. My life won’t really change, now that he’s no longer in it.
And my expectations weren’t high to begin with!

You set your own standards, anything else is irrelevant. We’re a team in our house and if anything I’m more reliant on him than vice versa.

I find it even worse when they pull the stops out when you have visitors! Like they KNOW they should be doing more, so they do 'performance husbanding' when there's anyone around to see but slip back into being lazy bastards when it's just you and the kids around.

It's the showing that they know how a husband should behave - they just can't be bothered, because it's only you and you don't deserve it.

@fakegrassdisappointment i feel you. Was taking to a guy on a dating site. 64 and can't even cook!! Lives off takeaways and microwave meals!!! Rejected 🤣

The one that really riles me is when the woman goes out and her husband/partner says he's babysitting the kids😡 They're your kids too FFS, you're parenting not fucking babysitting! And then obviously they feel like they deserve a fucking medal for it🙄 if my DH ever called watching our child babysitting I'd quite possibly be arrested for my reaction 🤭

Yes i watched a TikTok video recently and it was just a dad doing housework bits, looking after a toddler whilst mum was elsewhere. Loads of gushing comments (from women as well!) about how great he was doing etc etc Someone then commented ‘yep rest my case- an amazing man is just an average woman’ and it made me think how true!

'It’s less about individual couples and more about the societal norm we’ve quietly accepted.'

Exactly right 👍

Did you consider organising any proper days out yourself?

We literally had a comment like that on another thread recently. A poster called women seeking empathy, fidelity, and domestic contributions from male partners “superficial” and “princesses”.

Yeah I can’t remember what discussion we were having, but a guy I was dating tried to leverage the fact he has never tried to scam me or ask me for money as an example he’s a good guy when I said no to something 😂I was like really?!

Then that’s on women. Raise your bar.

I’m curious - how did things get to that stage of just one day out after 6 months dating ?

I’m wondering because I wouldn’t go to a man’s house in the early stages of dating, so it’s a given to me that we will be going out for dinner, coffee, picnics, museums etc a
lot in the first few weeks if not months.

Well if he was si terrible or useless then why on earth be with him, a question asked of 99% threads on here with the endless complaints about men but their partners do nothing about it except go on to have more children with the useless man they complain did nothing for the first child

Why is other people at fault for commenting on a man when it is the woman that chooses to live with them?

I think part of the issue is these are seem as “women’s tasks”.

So a man doing women’s work is incredible. A woman doing women’s work is to be expected.

Societal expectations are not created by women alone.

You are missing OP’s point. It is not about what one woman put’s up with.

But societal expectations.