DS16 came home drunk at 5am

[Worriedsick89]

Sorry this is a ramble and probably makes no sense but I’ve had no sleep and I’m honestly shaken up. Just don’t know what to do anymore. Posting for traffic.

DS is 16. Went out last night around 8pm, said he was going to play football with a couple mates down the park. He doesn’t go out loads so I thought ok fine, bit of fresh air. Said he’d be back by 10ish.

By 11 I’m calling him – nothing. Texted – ignored. Called again about 12:30 – phone off. Kept checking out the front window like a mad woman. DP’s working away til the end of the week and he’s not even DS’s dad anyway, they don’t get on at all, DS won’t even be in the same room as him half the time. So I was on my own stressing all night. He doesn't live with us anyway.

I was this close to ringing 101 around 4:30am. Then just after 5 the front door opened and he staggered in.

He was out of it. I’ve never seen him like that. Completely gone – slurring, eyes weird, laughing at nothing, barely able to walk. He reeked of vodka and something else I couldn’t even place. Couldn’t focus on anything I was saying. He just kept going “I’m fine” then nearly falling over. I had to practically drag him upstairs, he could barely get his shoes off.

He’s been in bed all day. It’s nearly 5pm now. He’s got up a few times to throw up, looks pale as anything, sweaty, shaky, not really with it. He keeps saying he’s ok but he’s not. Not like any hangover I’ve ever seen.

As far as I know he’s never taken drugs before. Might’ve had a few drinks here and there but he’s never come home like this.

Bit of background – he’s been difficult for a long time. Got booted out of school in year 10 after refusing to go in for weeks. Was meant to do home ed but that was a total waste of time, he just refused point blank. Tried him at one of those 14+ colleges that takes early leavers, thought maybe something more hands-on would help – lasted about 3 or 4 weeks then got kicked out again for not turning up and mouthing off.

Now he’s at home 24/7. Sleeps all day, up all night online. He’s obsessed with his phone, I’ve caught him watching proper nasty porn – not just normal stuff, like violent. I blocked the adult stuff on the WiFi and he exploded. Screaming at me, throwing stuff, called me a perv, smashed his controller. Didn’t speak to me properly for days. But he found a way round it anyway, hotspotting off his phone. I just can’t keep up.

He’s angry all the time. Slams doors, shouts in my face, gets right up close like he wants to intimidate me. Punched a hole in his wardrobe.

Doesn’t have any real friends anymore, just people on Snapchat and Discord. Always hiding his phone, I don’t know who half of them are. Sleeps odd hours, eats junk, and just sort of floats through the days.

I’ve tried getting help – rang the GP last year, but he refused to go in. Tried CAMHS, he told them to piss off on the phone and hung up. Youth support won’t deal with him unless he asks for it, and he just won’t.

I’m properly starting to worry about his mental health. There’s been signs for a while but no one wants to listen unless he’s the one asking for help, and he won’t.

But this morning… this was something else. I’ve never seen him like that. He looked… like someone I didn’t know. And now today he’s still sick, still not with it. I’m honestly scared.

Would IBU to try take him to A&E?? I don’t even know if they’d do anything. And he’ll probably go mad if I try and drag him there. But what if I don’t and it gets worse?

Whilst it is pretty insensitively written, I can understandably why the PP feels like her world has been turned upside down, can’t you? The

What an unpleasant complacent post. Shame on you.

i Have no helpful advice I’m afraid but just wanted to say to wish you both well. Sounds like a horribly stressful situation and you are doing your very best. I hope you have some support and I really hope your son will be ok x

Another update - not loads to say really but didn’t want to just disappear after posting all this.

We’re still at A&E. They’ve moved him from the side room into one of the observation bays now. They managed to get an anti-sickness injection into him after he finally agreed to let someone near him, and he’s kept a bit of water down since then. They’re still pushing fluids - he’s on a drip now which he wasn’t happy about but didn’t fight it like I thought he would.

He’s still saying he didn’t take anything. Just keeps repeating “I was drinking, that’s all” over and over but even the nurse raised her eyebrow at that. The doctor said it’s possible it’s just alcohol but they can’t rule out other stuff without tests, and he’s still refusing a blood draw. He won’t even let them check his pockets or talk to me properly with him there, so they’re in a bit of a bind.

Earlier he started rambling again, saying how I just want to send him away, how he hates me and when he moves out he won’t talk to either me or his dad again, we can both fuck off. Then he started crying and telling me to go away but wouldn’t let me actually leave the room. He’s asleep again now. Still looks awful but quieter. Calmer than he was this afternoon, at least.

He keeps flinching when someone walks past the bed though, like he thinks someone’s going to do something to him. Asked me not to let them “section him”, which properly gutted me. There’s still a scared kid under all that anger and attitude. I can see it.

I’m completely wiped. Haven’t eaten all day, my back’s killing me from these bloody chairs and I’m just sat here going over every decision I’ve made for the last 5 years and wondering what else I could’ve done. I feel like I’ve been screaming into the void trying to get help for him for ages and no one’s heard me till now.

They said they’ll probably keep monitoring him for a few more hours and see if he tolerates more fluids, then maybe look at discharge if things settle a bit. I’m going to try and speak to someone properly before we go - I need to. Even if it’s just a leaflet or a number to ring.

Just to clarify something from earlier - my partner doesn’t live with us full time. He stays over sometimes when things are calm, but it’s not consistent and DS doesn’t accept him at all really. They barely speak.

Thanks again to everyone still reading this mess. I honestly didn’t expect anyone to care

She's obviously a bit stunned at just finding out

@Worriedsick89 aw, is there a sandwich machine? Soup? Staff might possibly have a snack, depends on the hospital. And before anyone jumps on me some will do this otherwise it'll just go in the bin.

It sounds good he's getting fluids and isn't vomiting since injection. Of course it's not sectioning, he's overdone it. I really hope both of you get some sleep in a while.

@Worriedsick89 thank you for the update. Is there a mental health crisis team at the hospital? Your son sounds so lost. Sending the biggest of hugs x

Oh bless him. My son went through a very difficult spell in his teens, no school, experimenting with drugs, MH issues, suicide attempts. I picked him up one time after he went missing and he was behaving really oddly, very paranoid. Turned out he took MDMA. Scary stuff.
I hope your son is ok. It’s good he’s taken the anti sickness drugs and is on a drip.

I am glad that the hospital are doing all they can to get him through this. It must be a relief to you that he is being hydrated now. I am guessing that they are concerned about some sort of drug that he might have taken. His refusal to allow bloods speaks volumes.

Are you able to ask them if they have any leaflets/information about how you might get some help for him? Once he is through this crisis, then you will need support in the longer term. If he is still there in the morning it might be worth asking to speak to the hospital social worker - I was one, and, while a lot of what we were involved in was elderly people with care needs, we did also sometimes see younger people and families.

Sending good wishes, and hoping that things will begin to improve.

I’m so sorry you abc your DS are going through this, OP. 💐Something is going on with your DS. I hope he manages to speak to someone and get the help he so desperately needs.

God what a nightmare for you.

He sounds so lost. Ask for the emergency mental health team?

Hope all is going OK such a dreadfull worry for you hope your settles and you both get some rest as well .prayers all will be ok

Sending you strength OP. Please reach out for help to deal with the underlying issues. Can you ask the nurse if there is a social worker you can speak to in another room about getting some support for both you and DS.

Please ignore all the posts about your parenting.

you sound like you’re doing your best in a very tough situation.

he sounds like he’s in a bad place and I hope you manage to get to the bottom of it and get the help he needs.

I hope you get some rest soon.

He perked up for about 10 mins and started going on at me to get him crisps from the vending machine. They said ready salted should be okay if he felt up to it so I got him a bag - he managed maybe 5 crisps before throwing up again all over the bloody floor.

Mortifying. I offered to help clean up and the nurse said not to worry but I was just dying inside. He went back to lying down straight after, didn’t even say anything.

They’re still worried about his heart rate - it’s been sitting around 128-132 bpm for hours now. The nurse said it’s too high for someone just resting, especially a young lad who should be bouncing back quicker. They’re monitoring him closely and said if it doesn’t settle they’ll need to consider other causes. He’s also still a bit shivery.

It’s been a long night. He’s still refusing the bloods, which at this point makes me think he has taken something. When they ask why he just mutters stuff about not wanting to be touched - but then said something like “if it was a hot male doctor maybe I’d say yes” (can’t remember exact words but that was the gist). I was honestly shocked he said that in front of the nurse. She didn’t react but I just sort of sat there thinking wtf. Now I’m panicking that maybe I’ve wasted everyone’s time and he’s just being a little shit, because surely if someone was really ill they wouldn’t come out with stuff like that?

A few people asked if there’s an emergency crisis team here - yes, there is one attached to the hospital. They haven’t been called yet though. I asked quietly at the nurses’ station earlier and they said they’re keeping it in mind depending on how things go overnight. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.

Also yes, there is a sandwich machine (thank god) - grabbed something about 10pm and forced it down while he was sleeping. Not exactly gourmet but it helped. I think the stress is actually making me feel sick now though so I’m mostly just drinking tea out of one of those awful cardboard cups.

@Worriedsick89glad you’ve eaten.

I definitely think he’s taken something. But if he refuses bloods I suppose it’s going to be hard to know if he has or if he’s just refusing for refusing sake.

I hope they do call the crisis team to get you some help.

I’m not sure the hot male doctor comment means he’s faking just a comment I wouldn’t take to much from it.

I hope you both get some rest soon.

I feel for you so much OP and I’m so glad you went to A&E. It sounds like your instincts were absolutely right, I hope you can take some reassurance from that and trust yourself more going forwards, it sounds like an impossible situation.

I guess the only comment I can add is that you have an opportunity now to use this situation as a turning point. The low point so to speak. He absolutely cannot be allowed to return home and act as though nothing has happened.

But you have a tough choice to make. Either you approach it with empathy and kindness, tell him he’s not in trouble and you want to help and understand what’s happening. Try to make him talk that way. Or you go down the stricter route of sort your life out or you’re on your own that people have suggested here.

I can’t tell you which is right, but what you said about a scared boy rings true. He will be terrified after this, or should be at least??! I’d be terrified too as it sounds like he could be getting into a really nasty crowd. One who has no care for him or his welfare and yes county lines do come to mind.

Lean on the hospital all you can now, this is your moment to bring other people on. Whatever referral or advice you can get, do it. Ideally you also want a stern doctor to tell him the realities of what he’s getting himself into before it’s gone too far.

Ignore those who are judging you, and it’s not the time to judge yourself either. The only thing you need now is for this to never happen again.

It sounds good you took him. Definitely not just a hangover. He is very daft not to let them take bloods. But does sound like he is hiding something.
They must see similar things a lot so dont feel bad. They will know how hard it is to raise teens.

Handhold OP. Ignore all the rude posters. You spund like a really loving mum doing her best with a very difficult situation. Good decision to take him to A&E, that kind of state after 12 hours is not normal. He has probably taken drugs unfortunately. I hope he improves soon. Use the hospital for as much advice and support as possible, and get on to some of the other useful suggestions in this thread once this acute phase is over and you’re home and settled. I’m sure you’ve got a tough road ahead of you, but he’s lucky to have you. Wishing you and your son well.

OP your maternal instincts were correct and he is ill. The ranting is partly due to his distress, and many teenagers rant insane things at their mothers at some point. He might be trying to tell you something with his odd comment. You are in the right place to be helped, sorry it's so uncomfortable for you, you also need to be taken care of. I hope they can help you both in the morning when day staff arrive. They are the professionals and are trained to look after people like you and your son, its their job, accept their help, and btw do not feel it's your fault in any way, your posts show you obviously care. He will hopefully appreciate all you do for him eventually but atm he is in no state to see sense.

I think he’s already gone further than you think. I would bet he already has taken drugs etc and you are very late to the party. You absolutely need to take a very strong stance and asap because this will escalate to a situation you cannot control and one that is dangerous frankly.

You need to get him to the GP. You need to get him into college or similar. I also think you need to find him a good male role model who he will respond well to and who can influence him. The fact he doesn’t like your partner speaks volumes… it’s not good for him tbh the whole thing to me sounds like a bomb about to go off. There are probably charities who offer support for young men in these situations who are potentially being radicalized online which I think is also a serious risk. Wishing you all the luck in the world x

If he can’t keep water down, he needs to go to A&E

Just checking in to see how the nights gone @Worriedsick89?

Please try and insist on a crisis team referral before you leave. This was the turning point of a little bit of support for my DS after we hit an all time low and he took a load of paracetamol.

And he’s in the right place.

How is he this morning? Has his heart rate settled? Maybe he’ll agree to a blood test this morning? 🤞 Masses of support coming your way from me. Ignore all the horrid and unhelpful comments on here, you’re doing great. 🤗